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married to a nicotine addict
April 20, 2000
7:22 pm
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style
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My husband is addicted to chewing tobacco and it causes him to have erractic mood swings and be exceptionally self absorbed. I have tried to help him to quit but nothing seems to help. Living with him is difficult and requires me to bend over backwards just to keep things peaceful in our household. But I do it because he is the sole member of my support system. I am sick of living this way though. I am sick of spending so much time catering to others needs and to have mine go unanswered. Any words of wisdom on how I can break this cycle. I realize that I can not make him quit and that any changes will have to happen in me. Where to begin?

April 21, 2000
3:39 am
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hazza
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Why do you attribute this behaviour to the nicotine? are you sure that this is not just a deeper problem with your husbands personalitiy or the relationship?
i am just curious as to how it can be due to the nicotine, as i have never heard of nicotine affecting someones behaviour. usually it is just the personality.
Peace
Hazza

April 21, 2000
6:21 am
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cerry
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Dear Style,

I have read your thread and I do feel for you. I do though agree with Hazza in ways too. You state that your husband is addicted to chewing tobacco. How long has he been doing this and when did these mood swings start? I am not a therapist but that would be the first question I would ask. How long has this been going on? You should look at the area as to why your husband is having the mood swings and causing disruption in the household and looking at yourself. You state that he is your number one supporter. You seem to be a very caring person and would like to help him. We all know we can't change anyone as they have to admit and do their own changing. You seem hurt that your needs are not met and seem to be caring about others more than yourself. Style, there is one thing that I did learn to do know matter what the circumstances were but I learned the hard way. I too for many years was the one who put myself second. I now feel much better because I realized I was number one and do for me first. Help yourself and realize where you control of your life. If this means going to a therapist for yourself or just saying "no" then do it. You should never put yourself second over anyone. Take care of you first. It I may suggest look at the possibilities of your relationship with your husband and even both your health. As far as your husband, it could be physical and it could be emotional. We can't judge but we can be supportive. Don't go telling him what to do but support him. He in turn will support you. Let us know how it goes. I hope everything goes well. Take care

Cerry

April 21, 2000
9:29 am
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style
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My husband starting chewing tobacco when we were dating because he was embarassed to admit that he smoked cigarettes and chew was easier to sneak. Unfortunately, he has been using it so long that he needs to chew almost every hour to keep himself on an even keel. If he does without it gives him terrible headaches, makes him anxious, irritable and unable to concentrate. The mood swings seemed like a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde transformation until he told me he chewed. He was able to quit for awhile and it was amazing how he mellowed out. Unfortunately, he's hooked again and the mood swings are back. He doesn't sneak now, so at least I get a warning of why his moods are bad but... the chew controls him and makes him emotionally unavailable. I hope that eventually it will bother him enough to try to quit again but in the meantime I think it is time to stop centering all my attention on him and starting caring for myself. It sounds simple enough but I am having a hard time doing it.

April 21, 2000
2:05 pm
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janes
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Have him try the nicotine patch while he weans himself away from the drug.

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