Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Married forever
April 25, 2007
12:45 am
Avatar
green eyes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have had only three romantic relationships in my 51 years of life. Two were before I was 16 and the other at 16 of which I am still in, some 35 years later. I consider myself very inexperience relative to close relationships with men (ya know the boy friend/girl friend kind). I have had an eventfull life, some times better than others for sure.

Recently, my husband and I have been having some hard times together. I contribute them to a power struggle. He's a real strong person with lots of strong beliefs. I am strong as well, but usually where he's concerned I let things go.

My husband loves females! He loves to talk to them, help them and be friends with them.
I generally just over look what at times seems inappropriate. This has been the situation in our marrage for as long as I can remember.

If he keeps it out of my face I choose to close my eyes to it. But, recently I don't feel good about turning away. I don't know what or if there is anything I can or am willing to do. We have a good relationship as long as I don't expect to much, don't push things to far and accept his explination. Recently, that bothers me!

I think my husband get off on the idea he is "helping them?" They all are unmarried, with a child and needing something. That seems very strange to me, because that was who I was when he married me. Odd!!!!!!!!

Pehaps I have just become to self sufficent.
However that is what he pushed me to be all our life. I'm not the kind to jump at a problem, I like to walk around it and decide if its really worth the effort.

I don't know......

April 25, 2007
1:14 am
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Green eyes, Good for you for wanting something different. What do you think will happen if you told your husband how you feel? What kind of help is he giving these damsels in distress? What is he, a crisis hotline? How would he take to you offering assistance to young unestablished men? Stand up for yourself, he'll probably get all upset but he will calm down when he realizes that you are serious and you mean business. He can't play with the toys any more. All the best!

April 25, 2007
3:25 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

green eyes:

Once you open your eyes and you see there is no going back. It cannot be ignored anymore w/o causing you great frustration and anger and upset. I am glad you are opening your eyes.

As fantas says.. he will probably get upset but he will calm down when he realizes that you are serious... or ...he will get upset and probably settle down. I kinda put that the opposite coz it can go either way.

But no matter what way, you don't have to close your eyes or settle for anything you choose not to. Stand up and stand firm.

April 25, 2007
3:47 am
Avatar
NAZZDACK
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you decided to help struggling single fathers I personally would think your husband would be a selfish prick for wanting to stop your efforts if he came on this board whinning.

However I would not suggest he even consider divorce, espeically considering the patheticness of the issue presented.

April 25, 2007
10:49 am
Avatar
reachingout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Green Eyes

I to have been married forever.Met at 14 dated several years then married.Mine also always doing things for others (women) guess what seems he was getting things from them also and just guess what that was.Years went on I am now old and alone besides our children.Don't let this guy fool you.Anyway the point I wanted to make is I told my estranged husband I took partial responceablity because I stopped expecting and started accepting..My Bad..A;ways expect what you deserve nothing less good luck to you

April 26, 2007
8:00 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

HI green eyes. I've got 35 yrs of marriage with my H as well. And we had some awesome times and good loving times. and crummy times.

My H always likes "helping" others, too. I don't think he is choosy about male/female....I think his motivation often is enhancing his own self-image as a really good guy.

He really enjoys chatting up the gal that cuts his hair, the waitresses at restaurants, our sons' friends....I get after him when it makes me feel ignored or disrespected or if I think he's beginning to look like an old ishy Letch. (Remember older guys behaving like this sometimes when you were young?)......I think it's a sort of side-effect of them realizing they aren't so young anymore. My H looks good, practices yoga, bikes....

My H always comes home at night. HIS father liked to chat up the waitresses, too. I saw my own mum get upset with my Dad (who was about as saintly as an H could be) because he was giving a young single mother a ride home from work...to "help" her out.

All that being said (I suggest it's something that goes with this age), I really don't like how it makes me feel. Wondering if he does MORE things when I am not around has roused my anger more than once. If I LET HIM KNOW that I think our relationship is LESS than how I think it should be, he will usually decide it's because I am jealous!!

He is sort of that way about everything -- he uses denial, deflection and justification in every argument. I guess I KNOW he loves me as surely as he ever has...but I want to hit him when he is so forgetful that I can
SEE him look too long in a woman's direction as we are walking down the street together.

You cannot turn back the clock and become the woman he first fell in love with. You can, with dignity, let him know how it sometimes makes you feel when he spreads his magnanimity so thin that it makes you look neglected. Can you tell him that?

I say stuff. I tell him that's hurtful or mean or demeaning.

I also say thank you for the good stuff he does. I still ask his opinion. And I say I'm sorry.

And he actually does seem to love me because he WILL control that "flirty" behavior because he knows it hurts me.

Let him know so he gets it. You don't deserve to be disrespected. I think if he were totally being honest with himself he DOES know this disrespects you. He HAS to pretend that it means nothing in order to continue doing it.

April 26, 2007
8:43 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i recently ended a relationship with my long time love. I am 24 now almost 25 and we were together almost seven years. I think that when you have been together for so long, maybe there were some things regarding dating other women that he never got to get out of his system. My ex really had that going and he displayed it in all the ways that you are talking about. Finally we talked and realized that if we were ever going to work out, we needed to date other people for a while. Its what most teens get to do but we never did because we were together so early. I am wondering if that is what is going on. I dunno though.

April 26, 2007
9:35 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hi loverbee, I was on my way out and saw your post and wanted to comment.

I used to think my H and I got some statistics on our side because we married after college graduation and didn't have kids for another three yrs -- that we DID get that time to date before meeting each other, and also to "play" together before adding on parental responsibility. We got to grow up gradually. But we've had some rocky times....a lot of it alcohol-related.

But my sister and her H have been married longer, and they knew each other as children, and they absolutely had to WAIT till they were BOTH in college before their parents would let them get married, but neither of them had much more than a fleeting glance/kiss at another person and they have ALWAYS been in love....seriously, they just were always devoted. She nearly died when she had their only child. She was horribly ill and was not expected to live. They now have grandchildren and their whole life has been this living miracle. They are gracious and grateful....daily.

I dunno either!! I don't think it's about getting enough dating....

April 27, 2007
10:20 am
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am just wondering why he has the obsession with the other women. Always trying to "save" them because maybe he is one of those people that always needs to feel needed. Wow men are confusing.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110914
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714200
Newest Members:
Striker1s, marcusz, Keara, Venn, Jolebio, loni89
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer