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Married a liar
April 23, 2007
3:08 pm
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ncmother
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September 27, 2010
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Hello all! I think this place is great to come to. I'm going to try and make this long story short. I re-married my ex because I thought it was the right thing to do for our then 5 yr old. Have another child now 5. My problem with him the 1st time was he was away in jail and now the 2nd time, his parenting skills are horrible. He is forever lying to our oldest. Talking about adult things with her such as money, or our problems. Last year I asked him to leave and 6 wks after thought things would change when he agreed to counseling...so he does that thing for about 8wks and then stops...today...I find out that he has told his father an out and out lie about our oldest. I just can't live in a world of lies any longer. Please help with any advise. He going to look at an apt near his work on Tues. When he told me about this I didn't say anything because I think it is for the best. I hope he does follow through with it. Most of the time he just says things to get my reaction. Geezs! What kinda life is that. Not one I want. Please all pray for this situation!

Thanks!

April 23, 2007
4:43 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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((MY prayers are with you))) ncmother, well, its time for him to step up to the plate and move out...and take life on his own.

As for his lies, there is no way you have to accept any of this, and I bet if he still continued with his counseling, maybe he would think twice about lying.

Its not fair to your children, or you, and basically he is just lying to himself.

Let him go, and see if he continues counseling on his own, then you can
decide if you want to continue being with this man or not.

Good luck!

April 23, 2007
5:34 pm
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Dear ncmother,

I really have started to believe that you cannot reason an habitual liar into going "straight" and telling the truth.

Liars became liars because that was the best/only way they could protect themselves or insure their position of well-being.

It stands to reason that if I've done something really wrong and NOBODY is going to think it was right I'm going to have to cover it up somehow to get what I want.

He tells your oldest this "adult" stuff so she'll like the way he treats her better than how you or another parent-figure does. She will figure it out. The most important thing is to not lie to her yourself. You don't have to discuss the stuff you think is not her business as a child. Just explain to her that her dad shouldn't be doing it, that what he's saying is simply not true, and maybe when she's older she'll be able to understand better. That's respectful to her, but doesn't force you into a role of feeling defensive.

I feel like I'm not very good at spotting a liar. I'm better, but I still dislike being manipulated!!

April 23, 2007
7:27 pm
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fantas
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September 29, 2010
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ncmother, Sounds untrustworthy and manipulative to me. If he doesn't move out, kick him out. Good for you for putting your foot down. Best wishes.

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