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married 2 calendar months and left
August 14, 2001
11:07 pm
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jilted
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Can someone give an opinion to this story I have to tell.
I met my husband and we were very happy, we were going outfor two weeks when things started to happen, his mother completely shut me out. She didn't want any thing to do with me and kept sayings to my boyfriend to poisen him against me. All this was kept secret to me until a friend told me that she had split up many other relationships before we met. With finding out this I talked to my boyfriend and told him what I had heard and he became honest with me and said all that what was going on and tried to protect me from her. For the next couple of months things started to go horribly wrong. I went to see her to see what the matter was and was shut out. It was like she had some kind of hold over him and I had to find out. After some conversations with my boyfriend I found out that she had total control over his finances, superannuation, insurances, car etc etc. All was tied up in the business, desperately trying to find out what the business was, to this day I still do not know. After a couple of months had passed we decided to get married, there was trouble again with his mother and she turned his brothers against him and shut off all access to bank accounts to him. I have tried to talk to this woman about what I have done but always shut out or just get personal attacks thrown at me. To this day I have never said a wrong word to her. One week before the wedding my boyfriend tried to call it off due to financial reasons, I didn't because I had money to pay for the wedding and all the invitations were out. She never came to the wedding neither did her eldest son we tried to talk to her and she refused saying she would just cry all the time, called me a prostitute and my daughter a halfcast. My boyfriend never slept together before we got married we wanted to wait. From what I could see this woman had nothing on me but still hated my guts. We had a lovely honeymoon and when we came home it all started again. Lies to cover up excuses to protect me and his mother. Recently I found out everything I confided in my husband with went straight back to her absolutely everthing. She has bad mouthed me around town and doesn't talk to my business associates or older family friends anymore because they are associated with me. After two months of marriage I couldn't cope with 3 people in our marriage, the lies from my husband, and people watching my every move around town and going back to tell her, she knew everything in our lives. My husband and I started arguing about her, and him not being honest with me about all the debts, I started opening his mail to find that they don't own anything it's all on credit. I tried to find all this out before I got married to him but now I find it was all lies what I was told. All this time she has been making him feel guilty about leaving her and marrying me I ended up telling him to go to live back with her because it was getting us both down. He said he did'nt want to because he loved us but you could see everytime he went to see her he would come home stressed and shaking and it felt like she was ripping him apart, maybe black mailing I don't know. One morning he gave me a cuddle and a kiss and told me he loved me. When I got home all his things were gone and he went back to his mother, we are both 35. I have spoken to him since a couple of times but seems to be a different person totall driven by his mother's influence I guess. He was coming to me telling me how everyone around town were congratulating his mother for splitting us up and lots of negative stuff, it started over again only he was living with his mother. I ended up telling him I didn't want any contact at all to break this cycle. I have recently found that I am pregnant with his baby, I am very happy about the baby, but I don't want him back, I miss him but I don't want him back I don't trust him. Will I tell him about the baby or just go on. What will this manipulative woman do next. I am having marriage counselling tomorrow on my own to see if I am the problem. I guess I did push him away and was nasty about his mother, I completely shut him out, wouldn't let him touch me, because I couldn't trust him. I thank God I did'nt open up too much I was a bit weary. Thanks

August 15, 2001
1:26 am
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gingerleigh
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September 30, 2010
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Jilted, your post sounds quite reasonable and clear-headed, and the fact that you are going to counseling shows that you want to get your life in order for your children.

Does he want to get back together with you? His attachment to his mother seems quite excessive... and that sort of strange bond between mother and son is impossible for you to break (he has to do it himself, and from the sounds of it, he doesn't want to.)

In my opinion, a 35 year old male leaving his wife to move in with his mother is... well, how do I put this without being labeled... um... well, just flat out not normal. I mean, not healthy. It sounds like you did everything you could to foster communication, but that his loyalties were strongly to his mother, not to you.

He has issues to work out, *obviously*. But what about you? How are you holding up?

August 15, 2001
4:19 am
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jilted
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September 24, 2010
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thankyou Gingerleigh
he has not said to me that he wants to come back and I feel if I had him back it would all start over again. When he left I felt a big sigh of relief like a big heavy cloud lifted off my shoulders. Someone said I take on others problems maybe, someone else said I get too involved, I feel I have a right as a wife to have my husband be true and loyal honest to me. What about me, after loosing 1 job due to unfair dissmissal which is going through the court system now and my other job through my boss going broke, I feel good to be at home at this moment to reconstruct my life through new doors. Mentally I'm strong and cleaning my house, eating, cooking, looking after my daughter so I guess I'm normal. I feel sorry for him but on the other hand I feel see you later I've got a new life to lead. I've always been independant and individual so life goes on as normal. I will go to counciling tomorrow maybe there is something in my life that I'm not picking up that I can work on in the future.
Thanks for your support

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