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marriage needs help
November 3, 1999
12:26 pm
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moby
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I've been married 10 years and have one son who is 5 years old. My husband is really a good guy but I don't feel any more connection with him physically. I know that we've drifted apart due to the demands of parenting and work; I'm not sure that I love him anymore; Its been ages since we've had sex; help

November 3, 1999
3:08 pm
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mhollyf
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Hello,
I am so sorry that you are having such trouble. Have you spent time apart form one another? My husband and I used to live on opposites sides of the house! I hated it! But he left and joined the ARMY and it seemed as our love was renewed! It is sort of like the old saying " don't know what you have till it is gone". That is definately what happened to us. Maybe you will know if you love him or not if you have to spend time apart from one another. The sex will come back naturally when you two have figured out your feelings for one another.

November 3, 1999
5:40 pm
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moby
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thanks for your input;
I know that you are probably right in that you don't know what you have until its gone; I just don't know how to get reconnected; how long can people stay in limbo?

November 3, 1999
6:35 pm
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J. C.
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Hi, Moby. How is your communication level with your husband? Do you two talk at all about family, work, plans for the future? One suggestion I have is to try marriage counselling. Perhaps the two of you have just lost your spark temporarily and need a little help finding it again. Another suggestion is to find something the two of you can do together and make a date. Do you have someone that you know and trust well enough to watch your son for a few hours? Perhaps you can go to a dinner theater, musical, symphony, or just a movie together. Try to at least make it a once a month thing for the two of you. It'll be like dating all over again. Good luck with it. It sounds like you are willing to work for it. Now you just need to find out how he feels.
~JC

November 3, 1999
11:13 pm
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gal-ff
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i have felt the same way as you. 1 thing, have you checked to make sure that it's not an actual physical problem? there are many many things that could be wrong to cause a loss of desire. once you have ruled that out, then think, do you feel like your in a rut,and do you want to remain married? is it just him or do you think that it's something that you could change if you done something differently? my husband and i try to go out alone at least once a month but that can put pressure on you to try to make it perfect. actually, we made a commitment to just go to our bedroom after we put the kids to bed and talk (no tv) and also remember laughter..once we started laughing together and just wrestling around it's gotten alot better. you have a young child and alot on you and that does make a difference but it doesnt have to be all bad. we put a little basketball goal up in our kids room and we have a ball when we go in there and goof off with them. try to just have more fun! it'll do you both a world of good. let me know.
good luck

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