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Marriage Counseling???
March 19, 2001
11:39 am
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rosalie
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September 29, 2010
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My husband and I are 1/2 way through our 25th year but the easier our lives get the more we are losing touch with each other. He has gotten a higher pressure job and I am home tending 13yr old daughter. We are enjoying the house paid off, vacation plans to celebrate our 25th but we are spending less time together. His complaint is that he needs some time for himself. I even serve his dinner in front of the computer so am not making high demands on his time. Don't know what to do - he wanted to work by himself in his den this weekend organizing and clearing and I wanted help deciding on how to re-organize our 13 year old daughter's room togehter and then help him in the den. We got into a fuss that escalated to the point that I left for the afternoon. When we got back togehter, things escalated more. I talked him out of leaving for a motel for the week. He spent the past two nights on the coush. He has just started traveling alot and will be gone for 2 weeks in just a week. I want to get a 3rd party involved because I don't think we can hear the other person over 25+ years of patterning. Would a marriage counselor help with this? How do I find someone in a short time frame. We need help now. Is there a risk of a counselor advising that the marriage not go on? My husband has been my best friend for so long, I don't want to lose us. we just aren't communicating.

March 19, 2001
1:08 pm
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Molly
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Hmmmmm, 25 year marriage, new high stress job, and wants time to him self ? Besides fussing over your daughter and the house what do you have going on? I wouldn't hit the marriage panic button yet. It sounds like middle age adjustment. His new job, I am sure has his fire burning, and he is comfortable with his home and family. Could be heading in a self centered direction, but maybe just focused. Be greatful, that he is home, even if he is focused on the computer, as long as its not porno. Maybe this is the time to start school again, or become more involved with artistic persuits, the empty nest syndrome sucks, and as the children get older less and less is required of us, and we fell empty, and look to our man to fill the void. They don't like to do that . Be busy, be interesting, bring something interesting to the table, and I bet he will turn off the computer. I have found that leaving marriage books in the bathroom will get them to look at them, if you think that your marriage is headed for trouble, I like Phil McGraws book relational rescue, that could be a good start for you to look inward vs outward, focusing on your contribution vs his lack. Good luck and keep the faith, you've made it 25 years, to long to look in any other direction.

March 20, 2001
2:51 pm
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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You know, this probably isn't going to sound good, but just something to think about. Sometimes, when men are unfaithful, even if it is a meaningless little fling - they act like this because of their guilt. They project it onto you trying to find some reason for doing it and can't reallly face you well, so they withdraw and just try to deal with it. They love you, but feel horrible and are eaten up inside, so they go into their "cave" and start projects and clean and organize because they are trying to straighten it all out in their head. And sometimes, it can be other things that they are trying to "process" and doing the - I'm in my cave now and not coming out until I resolve it with myself.

Guys are like this. I'd just sit him down and ask him - what he's trying to process without point blank asking about the fling thing unless you think you can. If it's not true - he'll probably be shocked that you asked, hurt even - but if it's true - he'll be livid and start in on "you" for saying it. Sounds to me like he's hiding something from you - big time.

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