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marital advice
March 3, 2004
5:56 pm
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I found out recently that my wife has been sleeping with a man she has known since college. At that time he was in his fourties and she her twenties. There was about a 15 year period where they did not see each other. This past year I found out that she has been sleeping with him for the past 2 years. She would visit him during trips back east to visit her friends and family.
He is 72 and she is 44. She says she no longer will see him but when confronted, she still says she loves him. We have 2 beautiful children and she would like us to stay together. We have been married 14 years. To add to the problem, she recently called him to talk and also informed me that she told him that she still loves him. She feels that because of his age, their relationship cannot go on. I'm confused because I feel I cannot continue in our relationship while she admits to still loving him. She can't understand why I feel this way. HELP!

March 3, 2004
6:02 pm
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LCV
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Wow!! That is a blow. I have no advice for you, but I just want you to know that you can let off steam here. What does your wife say about loving you? I hear that you have 2 children together and that she loves someone else, but really shouldn't because he is to old??!! Are there other problems in the marriage?

March 3, 2004
6:13 pm
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I think our problems started when we where married and we moved out west. My wife found it a difficult move. She would always bash the west for its simplistic lifestyle. Now we live in rural New England where some of the same issues arise, but she doesn't see them now. I made it more than clear when we got married that I wanted to live out west because of the active outdoor lifestyle. In fact I even switched carriers. I could tell something was wrong but just couldn't bring myself to move back east. (I lived there previously for 2 years and found it just wasn't for me). I finally broke down and said I would do it. She flew back east for an interview and linked up with him and slept with him. A month later our whole family came out to look for houses. After staying for a few days, I flew back west with the girls and she staye here to visit with friends and family (again, I found out she slept with him). This happened after we put a deposit down on some land to build a house. The house is now almost finished but our marriage is on the rocks.

March 3, 2004
6:21 pm
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So you are moving back east? That is where this man is? Did she just want to move east to be with him? You need to get to the bottom of this. If she is not in love with you, you need to know.....do you love her? There has to be another problem somewhere that you haven't mentioned or maybe don't even know about....

March 3, 2004
6:30 pm
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She SAYS that we moved back here to be closer to her family....I'm not totally convinced. She continues to insist that she loves me. To make things more confusing she says things like: "You were my NEXT First choice" She feels comfortable with this statement because in HER mind nothing will happen between her and the other guy. She also says that he understands me. To me, the evidence is overwhelming but I'm scared.

March 3, 2004
6:32 pm
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Sorry to not answer the questions...yes we now live back east and so does he (He just happens to live on the way to her families house.

March 3, 2004
7:23 pm
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Obviously I'm no expert here, but if you were my friend I would be really angry at the treatment you are getting..."My next first choice"???!!!What the heck is that???? She gets points for honesty...but you need to decide what to do with the information she has given you....People do come back from infidelity, but you both have to want it and truly work at repairing the broken trust....I am thinking of you and wishing peace for your future..

March 3, 2004
7:53 pm
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Zinnie
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You are her next first choice?

Be generous, give her a ticket to her first first choice and be done with it.

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