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mamacinnamon
December 13, 2004
1:10 am
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recovery
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I really appreciate you taken the time to read my message and respond back. I agree with you about church and have recently started going back. My biggest fear about going back was that I did not want to use Jesus as a crutch I had wanted to come back when I was at a healthy point in my life. I know now that the only way Jesus could bring me back was to have put this situation in my life. No matter how hard the situation I just got to put it in gods hands. Thank you for reminding me of that and thank you for the encouraging words. I need them when I forget about god and start thinking about myself. I did that when I came home tonight instead of thinking about gods plan for me, I kept thinking how sad I was to come home to a house without him here. Im somewhat overwelmed that I put so much into him and got nothing out of it except a broken heart. My brain tells me this is not true, that again this is a life lesson. Anyway please write back if you can. Thanks once again for reading.

December 13, 2004
11:40 am
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mamacinnamon
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Recovery,

I'm go glad you have gotten things into perspective. Life runs much better when we remember to put God first. Isn't it amazing how life works. We do things on our own we are destined to fall. I know I do. But when we put God first life may not work out the way we want it to, but it works out for our best interest. Could you imagine if God answered every prayer w/ yes and gave you everything you wanted. What a mess we would be in then.

Seek your relationship w/ God first. Read your Bible, it's your life manual. And don't forget to pray.

Today is a new day.

So glad you are here. The folks here are all so kind and full of wisdom. I think you'll like being here.

Have a great day.

February 24, 2005
1:05 am
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never_alone
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yes i do want to talk

February 24, 2005
1:09 am
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on my way
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Hi never, from another thread that I read, I think mamacinnamon has gone to sleep, but she will be back tomorrow morning, ok?

February 24, 2005
1:10 am
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never_alone
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cool so what do you want to talk about?? well besides cutting

February 24, 2005
1:16 am
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on my way
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Hi, I also answered on your other thread, did you have a cahnce to look at that one?

Well, let's see for starters I am a mom, I have three boys. Do you have any brothers or sisters?

February 24, 2005
1:18 am
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never_alone
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i have two brothers

February 24, 2005
1:26 am
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So are you the big sister of these 2 brothers, or are they older? How do you like being the only girl?

February 24, 2005
1:32 am
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never_alone
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they are older and i would hate it if i had a sister

February 24, 2005
1:34 am
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on my way
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oooohh, so being the youngest is not always easy...I was the youngest too when I was a kid. I used to feel left out sometimes, and everybody thought they were more important. I am okay now, but as a kid that is how I felt.

February 24, 2005
1:37 am
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never_alone
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ya but my mom wants me to be some one i'm not

February 24, 2005
1:42 am
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never, I have to go to bed now. I have a very good friend on these threads named Sew, so if she talks to you after I go to sleep, it is ok. I will check in with you tomorrow, ok and so will mamacinnamon. Good talking with you.

February 24, 2005
1:49 am
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one more for you...I had hat same problem growing up. My mom wanted me to be strong, and not cause trouble. So, I didn't casue trouble, but I was not strong. I felt very alone, but I knew my mom loved me and was doing her best. I wasn't strong, and didn't know how to be!
Honey, we will talk more later. I saw where Murphy was talking to you too, so do you feel like talking to him for awhile? Good nite, I hope you sleep good.

February 24, 2005
1:51 am
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on my way
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Also, if you want to sahre with me, what kind of person you think your mother wants you to be?

February 24, 2005
1:44 pm
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February 24, 2005
1:49 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hey OMW. Need me?

February 24, 2005
1:53 pm
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Hi MamaC,
this little one asked for you last night and titled the thread for you. I am at work, checking in, and thought I would put this up to the top so you would see it. The other thread is "why".

February 24, 2005
1:55 pm
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mamacinnamon
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ok thanks.

January 3, 2006
11:21 am
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dedra
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Well, I have some heart problems and I started getting really, really sick in Feb. 05. I put off going to the doctors until Oct. 05., I didn't know what was wrong with me.I went to the doctors in November 05 and they told me that I had HIV. I have only had two partners my first husband who I divorced in 1996 and the one I am currently married to. We got married in 1996 also. Only having two partners they can not say where I got it from. Of course I am devastaded. My husband, says I did not get it from him, he is not a IV drug user, but I found out that my last husband is (after we divorced.) I can't find my last husband. So I just don't know what to believe. The virus is currently under control, but I am on heavy meds. I get very sad at night when I am alone with my own thoughts, and I am have horrible bouts with depression and anxiety. My sadness is off the richter scale even though I am very devout in my faith. Sometimes I ask God why He let this happen to me, but I keep coming back to the answer that I let it happen to me by making the wrong choices. I have always been faithful to my husbands and prided my self on being a good wife. My world came crashing down.

It warms my heart to think that your husband is doing better. That gives me hope. I will be praying for your continued strenght. It seems like you have been doing the right things to make things work for your. Thank you for your sharing.

January 3, 2006
11:44 am
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mamacinnamon
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Dedra:

I am so sorry to hear about your health. I asked because I also have major health problems. ptsd, fibromyalgia progressed, severe sleep apnea, 3+ pitted edema, and then about 8 other things more minor. I asked because my illnesses can be traced back to the ptsd I got from my first marriage. Oh, I also am on heavy meds.

Your health will only suffer by the current situation you are in. Look at me... I'm walking proof that stress will tear you up.

You stated that..."I get very sad at night when I am alone with my own thoughts, and I am have horrible bouts with depression and anxiety. My sadness is off the richter scale even though I am very devout in my faith. Sometimes I ask God why He let this happen to me, but I keep coming back to the answer that I let it happen to me by making the wrong choices. I have always been faithful to my husbands and prided my self on being a good wife. My world came crashing down."

I know those feelings all to well. Have had a bout w/ the sadness part recently. I am glad you have your faith in tact. I think sometimes that is the only thing I have known to be strong and true thru all the hell. I agree that we do make things happen by our wrong choices. Sad but true. But God can use that for our good also. We are not supposed to discuss God, religion, or the Bible in Support. We must go upstairs to Liberation Brew to discuss these things. If you'd like to just let me know. You keep close to your God; very important.

Keep posting. I'm here to talk whenever. I kinda pop in and out unless i'm gone to the doc's.

I wanted to recommend the books "Codependent No More", by Melodie Beattie; and "Boundaries" by ?somebody and Townsend. Cannot find it at the moment. These might give you a better way to stand up to him and stand strong.

🙂

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