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Mamacinnamon thanks!
January 26, 2005
2:32 pm
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herekitty
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The reason we are separating is because of me or actually my decision to try to get myself back together and try to live a healthy life. I'm very co-dependent and feel I need to take care of him all the time even though he doesn't expect me too and therefore I don't take care of myself. I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed for 2 days , couldn't eat etc. He keeps saying he's willing to help me out but I don't think he can. Do you think I'm doing the right thing? Your words were very helpful to me.

January 26, 2005
3:18 pm
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mamacinnamon
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herekitty,

If you are working on making yourself healthy then I would think the decision is the right one, but I don't know much of your circumstances so I cannot say. Do you have kids? Is he good to you? Are you depressed because of home circunstances? Are you in counseling? I think you could benefit from counseling.

I would love to talk if you want. Just keep going under this post.

January 26, 2005
3:57 pm
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herekitty
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I have no kids. He is good to me but times he's a bit crabby and negative. I feel abandoned at times but he wants to work things out and still not sure if we can. I've been in a relationship sort of like this before. I had to take care of him also. He had no car also. I feel bad for leaving. He wants to get married and have kids with me but I don't know if I could see him being the father of my kids. We are both children of alcholics. Sometimes when we go out... which is barely ever and we have no kids... we just end up arguing or not really having that much fun.

January 26, 2005
4:58 pm
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mamacinnamon
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hi herekitty,

This is the 4th time I've started over. Can't seem to say what I want w/o it being extremely long. lol. Ever get brain twisted? I do.

I am glad he is good to you. My hubby is good to me too. But they can be good to you and you still feel alone. It has taken me years to discover that my happiness is not dependent on Mr. Negative/Grumpy. It is dependent on myself.

My hubby is like that also. My hubby would rather be left alone, so I understand your feelings of alone. But ya know after 12 years I finally learned that it's not me that has caused him to act like that. And I can sit in silence so to not bother him and/or get into an argument. That's what I used to do. But, I finally decided that him acting like that doesn't have to hurt me. (It does still hurt sometimes tho, but not near as much as it did.) I can find fun on my own. I will do quilting or circle the word books, or whatever I feel like. You have to find your own happiness. Find what makes you happy and go w/ it.

As for your depression. Are you seeing a counselor? It would be beneficial for you to.

Is alot of your depression not knowing whether to marry him or not? You said you couldn't see him and you having kids together. Why is that? If you feel strongly about it then maybe he's not the guy you want.

If you want to talk it out then I'm here. I have to pop on and off coz I live in a rural area and I can't use the pc and the phone at the same time, but I do pop in and out if you'd like to talk things out. Sometimes that makes a big difference.

January 26, 2005
7:01 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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Mamacinnamon,

Just wanted to say that I miss your posts regarding my inability to let go. You always had such helpful things to say.

herekitty - I think you should see a counselor before you decide to give up on your marriage. I have gone to counseling in the past, and if you find someone you can really talk to, they are very, very helpful. I came out a much stronger person than I was....and that's not to say I still don't have problems like letting go of bad relationships - but overall, I am stronger. Unfortunately I think I left counseling too soon....that was my choice at the time. Good luck and keep posting.

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