
11:15 pm

September 29, 2010

Somehow or another I am sure some see the four of us as some sick individuals. Me talking about GG and using the words i love you with people we don't even know in person. But the feelings are real. I honestly love them. If I didn't I would not be crying like I am. I...whatever...
Kroika, you can be any part of our family you want to be, can you handle mushy and gushy
11:15 pm

(((Mich)))
Hi, nice to see you back. You know, that is one of the things that is mentioned in nursing school; that it is difficult to meet the needs of others when one's own needs aren't being met. That is why those in caregiving professions need to balance their lives and make sure they have enough sources of support and nurturing to be able to give without burning out.
I don't think I'd be going very far out on a limb to say that you could go ahead and *KNOW* that your other sisters are there holding you any time when you are putting out energy like that for someone else.
11:20 pm

cross-posted again.
You ask if I can handle mushy and gushy. Well, part of my story that you probably don't know is that at one time I belonged to an organization that was very big into mushy and gushy. It had some cult-like characteristics and as my own recovery has gone along, I have become more selective about how much mushy and gushy I put out.
But what I feel is most important is to value the genuine expressions of support and caring that people give here. I will give hugs and say "love".... but it's important for me to balance what I am genuinely able to say authentically with what I might be tempted to say just to fit in.
Know what I mean?
11:23 pm

September 29, 2010

I know exactly what you mean. BUT, for me, I love them. Do you think that is possible? Or am I truly losing my mind. I am confused by how I feel love for someone I have NEVER met. Yet, I believe that I do. I have never felt as close to anyone as I do those girls..I can't explain it. Am I warped or what? Don't sugar coat it for me please...
11:34 pm

September 29, 2010

Kroika,
Well, being from MI, it was sad to jsut see the Tigers lose the world series, but I need to go to bed. I am sure that I won't sleep, but I am so tired, my eyes hurt horribly, and I need to settle down because my stomach is a serious mess...So is my head. You know, I know in my heart that I did the right thing tonight, I do. I love her, and I hope she is ok. I don't think that she will be mad at me. That isn't my concern...I don't know, I am so screwed up right now. My heart is just broken for her. But she got it out, and hopefully that is what she needed. That is an awful lot of guilt to be holding on to.
11:38 pm

September 29, 2010

11:39 pm

Ah, another cross-post. We are turning this into a fine art!
I wish you some peaceful hours in bed. My mother always used to say to me if you can't sleep, at least rest and it will do you some good.
I'm glad you know in your heart that you did good. (((Mich))) you did very good.
Things will continue to move forward when gg comes back. Please remember to process your own feelings that her stuff brought up for you. You are so very empathetic -- even if you didn't have all those traumas in your background you would need to center yourself again after being there for gg. But with your own traumatic past... please make a special point to give yourself some extra love and caring.
I wish you a sweet sleep and peaceful dreams.
love & hugs from cousin k
12:31 am

September 29, 2010

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