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mamacinnamon..are you around here somewhere tonight?
October 27, 2006
11:15 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Somehow or another I am sure some see the four of us as some sick individuals. Me talking about GG and using the words i love you with people we don't even know in person. But the feelings are real. I honestly love them. If I didn't I would not be crying like I am. I...whatever...

Kroika, you can be any part of our family you want to be, can you handle mushy and gushy

October 27, 2006
11:15 pm
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(((Mich)))

Hi, nice to see you back. You know, that is one of the things that is mentioned in nursing school; that it is difficult to meet the needs of others when one's own needs aren't being met. That is why those in caregiving professions need to balance their lives and make sure they have enough sources of support and nurturing to be able to give without burning out.

I don't think I'd be going very far out on a limb to say that you could go ahead and *KNOW* that your other sisters are there holding you any time when you are putting out energy like that for someone else.

October 27, 2006
11:20 pm
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cross-posted again.

You ask if I can handle mushy and gushy. Well, part of my story that you probably don't know is that at one time I belonged to an organization that was very big into mushy and gushy. It had some cult-like characteristics and as my own recovery has gone along, I have become more selective about how much mushy and gushy I put out.

But what I feel is most important is to value the genuine expressions of support and caring that people give here. I will give hugs and say "love".... but it's important for me to balance what I am genuinely able to say authentically with what I might be tempted to say just to fit in.

Know what I mean?

October 27, 2006
11:23 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I know exactly what you mean. BUT, for me, I love them. Do you think that is possible? Or am I truly losing my mind. I am confused by how I feel love for someone I have NEVER met. Yet, I believe that I do. I have never felt as close to anyone as I do those girls..I can't explain it. Am I warped or what? Don't sugar coat it for me please...

October 27, 2006
11:29 pm
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I don't think you're warped. If you are, then I am too. I feel real love and caring for and from a number of people here.

October 27, 2006
11:34 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Kroika,

Well, being from MI, it was sad to jsut see the Tigers lose the world series, but I need to go to bed. I am sure that I won't sleep, but I am so tired, my eyes hurt horribly, and I need to settle down because my stomach is a serious mess...So is my head. You know, I know in my heart that I did the right thing tonight, I do. I love her, and I hope she is ok. I don't think that she will be mad at me. That isn't my concern...I don't know, I am so screwed up right now. My heart is just broken for her. But she got it out, and hopefully that is what she needed. That is an awful lot of guilt to be holding on to.

October 27, 2006
11:34 pm
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Oh, posted so fast i didn't sign off....

love and hugs, from kousin kroika :0)

October 27, 2006
11:38 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Next time I am on a mad search for you that is how I will title my thread....Searching for kousin kroika...Thanks for tlaking to me tonight. I appreciate it a lot. One more night you saved my a$$. I am emotionally exhausted.

Love to you,

Mich

October 27, 2006
11:39 pm
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Ah, another cross-post. We are turning this into a fine art!

I wish you some peaceful hours in bed. My mother always used to say to me if you can't sleep, at least rest and it will do you some good.

I'm glad you know in your heart that you did good. (((Mich))) you did very good.

Things will continue to move forward when gg comes back. Please remember to process your own feelings that her stuff brought up for you. You are so very empathetic -- even if you didn't have all those traumas in your background you would need to center yourself again after being there for gg. But with your own traumatic past... please make a special point to give yourself some extra love and caring.

I wish you a sweet sleep and peaceful dreams.

love & hugs from cousin k

October 28, 2006
12:31 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Mama,

Should you read all of this, just hold me close tonight ok. I am emotionally whooped.

October 28, 2006
12:53 am
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mamacinnamon
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Mich

(((holding you close)))

Just walked in the door. Let me know if you need to talk or anything.

October 28, 2006
12:55 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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It has been a horribly rough night around here on these threads

October 28, 2006
1:10 am
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mamacinnamon
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I'm sorry honey. I've been gone to the building trying to get it ready to sell. Want to give me a quick review??

How r u??

October 28, 2006
1:14 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Mama

You'd have to read at least this thread and probably a better part of the last SEVERAL posts to the afghan thread....There is no way to quickly explain what I did tonight. I am so confused...I think I should feel good, but I feel so bad...

October 28, 2006
1:16 am
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mamacinnamon
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ok give me a bit and i'll try to read quickly.

brb

October 28, 2006
1:36 am
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mamacinnamon
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Mich:

I have to shut down my machine but I will be back. Gonna go fire up the other computer. Hang w/ me if you can.

October 28, 2006
1:43 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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ok mama, I will wait..

October 28, 2006
2:09 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Are you still around mama?

October 28, 2006
2:32 am
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mamacinnamon
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mich...

I'm here. I'm so sorry. Hubby came home w/ a new keyboard and then had to install it and show me everything. I've been fussin coz he doesn't spend any time w/ me so of course he says we can do this together and I know if i said no then it would open me up for hurt.

I'm reading

October 28, 2006
2:47 am
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mamacinnamon
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ok i skimmed. poor little lamb GG.

yes, you have had a rough day I'd say. U holdin up ok?

October 28, 2006
2:50 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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not really mama...I am a frickin mess, I feel like I pushed her, and like i said, I know in my heart I did what I thought was best, but I don't know mama...I wanted to see her let it go..

October 28, 2006
2:50 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hope you sleep well. Again I apologize for not getting back sooner. I'll be around most the day tomorrow.

October 28, 2006
2:52 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I can talk to you then, it is 3 am here, and I am whooped, will you hold me tonight mama. I am holding GG, but I think I need someone to hold me..

October 28, 2006
2:54 am
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mamacinnamon
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(((holdin you close as always)))

You try to get some sleep. I apologize again for not bein able to give you the attention you needed. I'll read the thred closer and we'll talk tomorrow.

October 28, 2006
2:56 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Don't apologize mama. It is ok. If youwould just hold me, that would be great. Talk to you tomorrow mama,

Love as always...

Mich

Real quick...do you think I was pushing too hard, or do you want to wait to answer that until you have had time to read all of the threads

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