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mamacinnamon..are you around here somewhere tonight?
October 27, 2006
8:18 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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HOnestly I don't care. Anything but bitch works for me. Probably Mich. I agree with everyone else to some degree. I came scared, but I am not SO scared anymore.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. You are sweet. I am trying to stand strong kroika, but it is tough. I try to be there for others, because I DO CARE. But I find that sometimes that is hard when I really am sttruggling myself.

I am sorry for you that at this time things are tough. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. Peace to you my friend.

Love as always,
Mich

October 27, 2006
8:54 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Kroika-

Rest assured, a suicidal tendancy that I am searching to be talked out of, will cause me to try to find you in your "desperately seeking kroika" thread. I trust you and you didn't make me feel bad. You were a great frind to me through that. I do believe that you are the reason I am still here today. Thank you

Mich

October 27, 2006
9:59 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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MAMA ARE YOU HERE ANYWHERE? ANYWHERE AT ALL?

October 27, 2006
10:11 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Are you there mama? Please?

October 27, 2006
10:13 pm
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I'm here.... can I help?

October 27, 2006
10:17 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG needs someone to know that they care. I can't make sense out of any of this over here...I am so lost, and I feel so helpless..

October 27, 2006
10:24 pm
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Mich,

You are putting out a huge amount of energy on the "afghan" thread. Yes, i am reading it. Have not chimed in so far...

What can't you make sense of?

October 27, 2006
10:27 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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My energy is shot to hell after that kroika. MY heart just broke right inhalf for her. I am not sure that i should have pushed her to talk. I care so much about her, and I know that ot helps a lot to get it out. I am so afraid that I did the wrong thing, and I felt SO inadequate to be the only one to really talk to her.

October 27, 2006
10:28 pm
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Mich, you wrote "GG needs someone to know that they care."

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that.

From what I read on the 'afghan' thread, you and several others have just done a magnificent job helping gg bring to light a deeply hidden secret that has been eating her up inside for decades.

I had one like that too, and I know how powerful it is to finally be able to tell it to a safe person who asks because they care.

will post this much and come back to look for you.

October 27, 2006
10:30 pm
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aha, I thought we might cross-post.

I think you had a couple of "silent witnesses" who did not want to interrupt.

You did a truly beautiful job, and I do not believe you pushed in any kind of an inappropriate way. You asked at every point if she wanted to tell, and just encouraged her.

October 27, 2006
10:31 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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What I meant was that she needed to knwo that someone besides me cared. Kroika, I have to be honest, I pushed for that, and I have NEVER felt so inadequate in my life. Not even to my kids. I just wanted her to let it go. I knew she had something big buried..I knew she would feel better, but what if indeed it makes her worse? I feel like I am going to get sick. I just hope I did the right thing there...

October 27, 2006
10:38 pm
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Ah, Mich,

That is exactly what "courage" is, that you {NEVER felt so inadequate in my life} yet kept on because you had a deep intuition that it would be helpful to gg.

October 27, 2006
10:40 pm
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to continue...

I know it's hard now to just let gg process it her own way. Yes, her disclosure has probably brought up some deep, raw feelings for her. But in what way are you thinking that it may make her worse?

October 27, 2006
10:41 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am crying my eyes out Kroika...I hope that she is ok. I truly do. I am worried. My heart just aches. I feel awful, I just feel like I am going to throw up. So sorry for that vivid detail

October 27, 2006
10:42 pm
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not to worry about vivid details. I'm a nurse, remember :0)

October 27, 2006
10:43 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I know that sometimes it can bring up a lot of feelings and pain to talk about the past like that. That is why I don't do it. I hope that she isn't mad that she talked either...

October 27, 2006
10:43 pm
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And I don't mind hanging around here for awhile while you cry your eyes out. You did good.

October 27, 2006
10:45 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I will be back in a few. I have 3 kids to put to bed. I appreciate you listening to me. Again.... I just felt awful, and inadequate, and everything else. I was trying to be helpful, REALLY, I was.

October 27, 2006
10:45 pm
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Sweetie, I doubt very much that gg will be mad at *you*... but even if she is, you'll deal with it. The four of you sisters will deal with it.

You are OK, and she'll be OK. You made it safe enough for her to lance a big boil (since we're into the vivid metaphors...)

October 27, 2006
10:47 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am a mess kroika, I will be back..

October 27, 2006
10:49 pm
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cyndra820
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Mich,

You disappeared and I wanted to say EXACTLY the same the Kroika has said. You did a wonderful job with GG. I am so proud of you!! You are a wonderful friend. I came back and posted a few things, but I can tell you this, you were the one holding her and you helped her to get it out in the open. After she's processed it she will be back.

You did a GREAT job. Thanks for being there Mich.

Love you,
Cyndra

October 27, 2006
10:54 pm
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Oh, another cross-post. OK, you go get those little angels to bed. I'm around, and I'll be at work tonight too, so if you post later I'll see it.

You are very, very welcome and it is a privilege for me to listen to you. I like your spirit and your style. ((((Mich))))

You wrote, "I just felt awful, and inadequate, and everything else. I was trying to be helpful, REALLY, I was."

I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that when gg comes back she will tell you just how adequate you were (and I am being understated here...) When your own insides calm down a bit and you feel more settled, it might be worth you looking at why you almost sound there like you are expecting someone to berate you or punish you for making some kind of horrible mess.

1) as far as I can see, you *were* helpful

2) who do you think you are trying to convince that you were trying to be helpful? Who do you think doesn't believe that?

3) what terrible thing do you think happened, or are you expecting to happen because of your actions... and what kind of judgement or punishment are you fearing for that?

Sorry to pepper you with so many questions. Please accept an equal number of ((((very))))((((big))))((((warm))))((((hugs))))

back in a minute

love, kroika

October 27, 2006
10:59 pm
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cyndra820
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Mich,

If you are still here will check in on the afghan thread. LL is asking everyone to check in.

Kroika,

Thank you for saying what you did. Sometimes Mich doesn't believe just one person. 🙂 She was wonderful tonight with GG.

Love,
Cyndra

October 27, 2006
11:12 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Cyn, and kroika,

I checked in on the other thread. I think I am going to throw up. I KNOW my heart was in the right there...I know that. I just feel bad. I am supposed to be holding her, and I am thinking that I need to be held. Maybe it is that I...I don't know. It all sounds stupid in my head. SO I can't imagine how stupid it would sound out loud.

October 27, 2006
11:13 pm
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Hi Cyndra,

nice to meet you :0)

You four have set up quite an inspiring sisterhood. Can I be a cousin?

hugs, kroika

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