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mamacinammon how is jeff
May 24, 2006
4:05 pm
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smarterone
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September 24, 2010
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mama, things have been real bad for me, if you read, i tried to get brave and took 20 pills, cowardly but i dont have the strength for this world i really dont. But in reading some posts, i thought of your son Jeff. How is he doing? I think he is getting it together because you knew what to do. I failed and took my son in andnow he sees how weak i still am. I dont know where to turn, no where else to move, no money, i have no transportation to get to important appts. im not saying i WANT a car to ride around. I hurt physically and cant get to minor and major places. I guess what i need to do is not important. Help put sense in my head mama

May 24, 2006
9:03 pm
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mamacinnamon
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September 27, 2010
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Smarter:

Sorry I didn't see this earlier.

Jeff is doin great. He's in the Oxford House and has one more week of probation to be able to stay there. He'll make it just fine.

He got his old job back at the jewelry shop. Big blessings there coz no dopehead friends.

He did have his first encounter w/ temptation yesterday. He said he quickly excused himself and got the hell outta Dodge.

He's goin to meetings; no sponser yet. I doubt he's looked very hard.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time of it. What do you mean 20 pills... 20 pills of what?? If you were not told to by a doc then Smarter you know berter.

Looks like you took some steps backward. Chin up Smarter, you can overcome this. First kick son to the curb. He has no intention at this time other than to take any and every thing you have.

NOW you need to work on you Smarter. Not him, not mickey. YOU.

Please keep me posted. You are in my prayers.

May 24, 2006
11:39 pm
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smarterone
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mama
Glad to hear about Jeff. I know that you will always have doubts, they dont understand why that underlying feeling is there.
As for my son, I have to say, with all the complaining i am doing he is 90 percent better than ever. He hangs out with me cause he has no friends, so i dont feel right putting him out. Heis working every day with mike, the only problemis he still has no sense of how important it is to save, then again i really can blame my self for that cause i paid for everything all the time. He doesnt go out. He paid all his fines, yes i helped alot, now he is getting his license back, but that will be the problem, go get a car. I know thats not easy cause look at me. cant get it together.
As for my episode, mama, I never felt so distraught. I cant see alight at the end. There is no way of ever catching up, i mean, i bring in disability check and a pension, mikey makes a good pay and every damm week, theres traffic tickets, suspensions, bailed my son out last week, car was impounded. We dont even own our own furniture. This apt came with it. Just my beds are mine. I took Temazepam, generic for Restoril which is a sleeping pill. I dont sleep much, you know how it is and the doc gave me them, but the next day, this came on. I know i have feelings for mikey, but his weaknesses bother me. That is so strange cause my ex inprison was a total animal, and that bothered me, my father was an animal, mike is calm and never raises his voice. Always yes dear and that bothers me, so I know its me. I keep saying i want to leave, but its not easy going somewhere with nothing. Actually there is nowhere to go. I hope my attitude changes, i am so mean to both of them, i actually (GET This)enjoy hurting them. I know i do, i think i have so much hurt from all my years that im so angry. Well i just got out of bed, they are all sleeping, we watched american idol. thank god for tv, thats my only life, day and nite.Ill go back to bed soon, cant sleep.
About Jiggs, really, how long does she have. I dont want to sound gloomy buy to live in pain at her age is so sad. God bless you for all you do.

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