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mama, kroika, loving.......HELP....PLEASE..
October 12, 2006
10:25 am
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lovinglife
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Mich~ We were not stupid! We are not stupid I say. You know how freeing that is to finally be able to say that? Gosh I have felt that for years and it's only been in the last month that I actually don't feel that within anymore. And yes I too thought it was fun - even if we got a little *stupid*!! ; )

Sometimes it feels good to just have fun and forget for a moment or two about the heaviness of our lives. They say laughter is good for the soul and I have to agree. Jenni is a good one for starting fun threads to just let go of our problems...the first thread of hers I jumped on I was SO down - didn't think they'd want me to drag the party down - found out that there were a few others just like me (the reason for the thread) and by the time it was all done - my spirits were lifted and we all had a blast. Just like the other night - you, Amry, GG Sini and Jenni put a needed smile on my face. We must do it again : )

I live in Minnesota. We just had a storm system pass through - didn't even know we were supposed to get snow - I avoid the news at all costs and even avoid if all at possible the weather stuff too as both have a way of causing me anxiety. So this snow was a pleasant surprise.

You mentioned about how your children thought it was wonderful to see the snow this a.m. it brought to mind something I recieved in an email yesterday...

Reawaken your curiosity

"What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult." -- Sigmund Freud

Why is this so?

Young children possess what Zen calls ‘beginner’s mind.’ They are awed and fascinated with the wonder of the world, open to discovering and experiencing new things. Anything is possible. Life is a great adventure.

For almost all of us, the systems that ‘educate’ us to be adults stifle our natural joy and curiosity. We lose touch with our innate appreciation of life. We forget how to dream.

The blessing is that with attention, patience and love, we can reawaken our sense of wonder. We can again dance with life.

October 12, 2006
10:27 am
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lovinglife
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GG~ gf you have been getting feisty lately - I love it!! Are you growing too?!

October 12, 2006
10:36 am
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ggfred4
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I try and stay reserved due to my low self-esteem. When I feel comfortable with people, I let my guard down, get sarcastic, feisty, and of course, dance! The party the other night was a great release for me also.

Mich, LL, mama, army, and others: I am having a hard time releasing my issues to everyone on site. As you know I am very close to P&L, but even got too codependent on her. I do hold a lot in; don't think my problems are worth anyone dealing with; my problems are not as bad as most on this site, etc. I just started the coda steps and hopefully will make some changes in my life.

I do not want to stay the way I am because I really can't stand myself. Helping others and caring takes my mind off my problems and makes me feel better; yet I am not working on myself.

This site and all of your are so important in my life now.

October 12, 2006
10:46 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg-

It made me very sad to read "don't think my problems are worth anyone dealing with" What are we here for? Honey, is it really about whose problem is bigger? I hope not...We all need love and supprt in our lives.. If we had that for ourselves we wouldn't all need to be here. As I said before, we are all in different phases of our healing, and our problems are a vast array of sizes. But that doesn't AT ALL, IN ANY WAY, mean that you don't deserve the right to be supported the way that you support others here. Right? Just agree with me, because you know I am..hahaha. Honey, regardless, we are all in desperate need of some love and support, and you can get that here. Let it out. You would feel better, I promise. I have seen everything from rape, abuse to farting co-workers on this site. Honey, your problems are worth sharing...Talk, open up, and spit it out. You say it makes you feel better to support other people, then those other people need to be able to support you to help themselves feel better too....oooooh that was profound...I think I should probably be listening to myself at some point here....It is all good.

Listen to what I am saying, and if it doesn't make any sense, as often times I don't HEAR MY HEART.

Scared

October 12, 2006
10:58 am
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risingfromtheashes
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scared -

gg said that he was reluctant to post because he felt he had little to offer.

well, I have done the same.

and thought that I should post - at least to tell you that I am here, following your story and keeping you in my prayers.

I would love to see you, army and kasie (and everyone else) get out of their abusive situations and know the love, joy and peace that freedom will bring you - and know that's waiting for you.

But I know that you all have to do it when you are ready.

I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers - and hope that you stay safe and find a safe harbor to come home to soon.

Sending you cyber ((((HUGS)))).

oh - about that snow - I am moving six hours north - 20 minutes from the canadian border, and I suspect I will see snow soon too - and learn to hate it like you do!!!!

October 12, 2006
11:04 am
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mamacinnamon
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Good AM all.

I am happy to see everyone conversing over the issues and offering such support. Makes my heart feel warm.

Scared: Looks like you are doin much better today.

GG: On this site no problem has a degree of severity. Not to me anyway. Each person here has their pain, and when one is in pain we all try to help. I understand your hesitation to speak out. I think I was here at least 6 months before I shared anything about my history. And when it spilled it came out all over. When your time is right you too will put your story out here for the help and support you ned

Goin out to the chiropractor this am. Thank God for him coz he keeps me functioning. Will return this afternoon. All... hang in there and know we have each other here. Be back later.

October 12, 2006
11:08 am
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ggfred4
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Hey rising, I am a girl! HA! Thanks for understanding how I feel.

Scared: Thank you for your wonderful response. You are right especially considering the purpose of this site is for support.It is just hard when people's children and lives are in danger to consider my issues even worth listening to. Can't help how I feel.

Gotta go, you northerners!. We are actually having a cool front here, it got down to 65 degrees! Brrrrrr!!!! I couldn't wear my flipflops!!!

October 12, 2006
11:40 am
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lovinglife
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GG~ Rising may have thought you was a him because of being Army's bouncer the other night and perhaps also your *Gonna whoop some a$$* comments ... oh for funny : )

Nope GG is all girl - should see the woman get down and dance!!

October 12, 2006
12:04 pm
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ggfred4
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So funny LL; people around me would be shocked if they heard I volunteered to be a bouncer and whoop some a--! I never show anger and avoid any confrontation in the real world.

October 12, 2006
12:06 pm
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ggfred4
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scared, strong...will you read my poem that I posted yesterday? I write when the mood hits and have a whole folder of poems. I went out on a limb yesterday to share one and would like you to read and maybe you can relate.

October 12, 2006
12:17 pm
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StronginHim77
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ggfred -

Sure. I would love to read it. Where is it posted? Title of thread?

- Strong

October 12, 2006
12:20 pm
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ggfred4
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poem about life...GG

October 12, 2006
12:32 pm
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on my way
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Mich,

Just read your thread. Bless your heart. Will keep you, your children and everything in prayer. Everyone here has given you such great advice!

many, many HUGS!!

October 12, 2006
4:58 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Mama-

You said I sounded better today, and I am. Granted, I still haven't heard from protective services yet, but we will see. I try very hard to not think about only myself mama. Some days it is hard, things are so tough. But, it makes me sad when people like gg, rising, and south feel so inadequate, that I had to tell them that they are being crazy. I don't always know what to say to someone, especially if I have never been there, BUT, I want to think that my being there matters some too. Does that make sense? I just had to say what was on my heart. I hope it helped some of them to not feel so worthless in my situation or Armys.

I know that God is there, mama. I just get so frustrated, and I ask WHY? I just don't get it. I get so mad at him for letting people hurt the way that they do. My situation is minimal in comparison to Armys, but why? Why does that have to happen? It makes me so sad. I haven't had the faith to pray, and I feel so wrong for what I have done and how I turned my back that I don't even know how to start praying again. You know, we go to church, and people think things are great and that my relationship with God is right where it should be, it makes me sick. I am so not who people that know me think that I am. That is why I like it here, I can be me and I can be honest. I feel loved and accepted and believed and believed in, and supported. It is so different here..

I just hope that I can make a difference in someones life either here or in the real world. Like you have in mine mama. There are a lot of people here that have truly touched my heart. I want to be that way some day.

Please continue to keep me close mama. I am doing better today, but I am far from good.

Have you heard from Army or seen her around AT ALL? I am worried about her...bad.

Scared

October 12, 2006
5:55 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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mama-

I found her..I hope things are ok with you today. Haven't heard much from you. Saw you briefly in the am, I hope you are ok.

I have to go get some dinner here for my babies pretty quick, but just know that I am thinking about you and missing you.

(((hugs))) Scared

October 12, 2006
8:37 pm
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lovinglife
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just doing a check in with Mich here....thinking about you

((( Mich )))

October 12, 2006
8:42 pm
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lovinglife
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I always have these *after I post thoughts...*

Just wanted to make sure that you are taking care...you have been so wonderfully supportive/encouraging of others in the last couple of days just want to make sure that you are taking care of you too : )

October 12, 2006
9:12 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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ll-

thanks but, tonight is tough, and that is why i have kept my distance from the site...I am not feeling very encouraging, and I think there is enough going on without my help....

I so appreciate your frienship..and I want you to know that. You are a blessing...Never forget that

Mich

October 12, 2006
9:44 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich~

Just wanted be sure that you are taking of you and doing OK and that if YOU NEED support & encouragement (was my concern) that you're getting that too : ) I know that you will take care of you just wanted to be sure that you are taking care of you too - think I just said a mouth full and hope that all made sense....

Hey, I put a message out to Jenni about starting thread for a beach party - hope she gets it...Have you ever been to one of her party's?? That girl has some imagination! I can't remember what thread it was... but awhile back she was having a REAL down night, and Sini was there too, and I KNOW, the three of us ended up sinking the USS Hope (ship) that night!! It is so fun just to have fun, ya know what I mean. Think my brain is starting to shut down here.

Say after the next hour or so I won't be online til late Friday night, like after midnight. So just in case a beach party gets going, know that I'll be there at sometime. Her party's generally last through the weekend, or one time I think it was a whole week...AND if something happens between now and then and I'm not posting, it's only because I'm not home...

You take care and keep those spirits up, you sure are a heck of alot of fun!!

((((( MICH )))))

October 12, 2006
11:22 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thanks ll-

Will keep in touch over the weekend..take care of you...I hope you get some more snow... Don't worry about me..I will be ok. I can always find support here when I need it. But I will miss you.

Talk to you soon.

Mich

October 13, 2006
8:16 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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mama, gg, anyone,

please pray for me this morning, I am VERY much an emotional mess. I can't put a finger on why, but I am hurting bad this morning. I want it to stop. All I can do is cry.

Mandy

October 13, 2006
9:15 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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October 13, 2006
9:47 am
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Hi (((Mich)))

I am just finishing shift at work. Will check back here when I get home.

thinking of you. hugs, kroika

October 13, 2006
9:53 am
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ggfred4
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scared, I already prayed for you; have prayed for you and army every morning this week....(((scared)))

October 13, 2006
9:57 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thanks gg, today is a really tough start for me. Slept very poorly, all I can do is cry. There is no particular reason, I just think I am too stressed out. I am not seeing the brighter side of things this morning...Sorry for starting your day out on a sad note...Just needed some prayer..and I know I can ask that here and get it... Thank you.

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