Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Making up reasons to call him. HELP!!!
May 15, 2009
2:17 am
Avatar
BrokenAngel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Someone please give me advise... I've found myself in this spot before, but i can't seem to stop myself. I find reasons to call or text my ex husband. If i don't have a reason, i'll make one up. This started when he got his new g/f who know lives with him, and has 2 kids. My emotions are on overload! Here's a list of things im obsessing over...
1- She is 10 yrs younger than me
2- They met in Narcotics Anonymous (He didn't try to get clean until after i left him).
3- My ex told me "She makes him feel young again."
4- My son walked in on them in bed together more than once and offered me that info.
5- She seems nice
6- My son likes her
7- My ex likes her
8- She ultimately got the "clean version" of my ex that i wanted for so many years

I've asked my son NOT to tell me about their relationship, but yet my son (familiar with chaos) will find a way to sneak info in. I'm feeling jealousy, resentment, loneliness, loss of control, and old. But yet, my self control doesn't seem strong enough to stop calling or for me to leave my ex and his g/f alone! Help! I feel like a truly sick person!

May 15, 2009
6:50 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes. Doesn't it just tick you off that "they" got the better version of the man you wanted. They are getting everything you wanted. They are living the life you wanted. What is it about them that is better and makes your ex want them and to do things for them that he never did for you????? Well just jump off that train.

There is something flawed with that relationship. She isn't getting the best him there is. She is getting a different him. I am trying to learn that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. They stay or they go but they are there for a reason. My ex-husband played gold every Saturday with me begging and pleading with him to give it up one! just one! Saturday a month and spend time with Cat and me. Now that we are divorced he hardly ever plays golf. It just isn't that important anymore. What??>???? I had to divorce you to make your daughter more important than golf????? I know that really drug addiction trumps golf but in general it is the same thing. He put golf before me and your ex put drugs ahead of you. Trust me there is somehting he is doing in this new relationship that will eventually come out and wear on her nerves as well.

Turn the focus back on you. Find something, anything, for you to do.

AND DON'T CALL THAT MAN!!!!

Bitsy

May 15, 2009
5:12 pm
Avatar
waniamae
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It is just a Phase, he is putting an ACT for her. You know your EX; besides the road to recovery is a long one and some days you can be really moody, anxious and sad.It is not easy to live with an drug addict or an Ex drug addict. They both have issues and It is not all perfect like you are putting down here right now. The harder thing to do is to wait, but if you have the power to do so you will understand that is very hard for an ex drug addict to have a relationship with a woman ten years younger than him, also an ex addict. Try to stay away and show indifference when your son tells you the details. I KNOW IT IS HARD. This relationship doesn't sound very good; why are they letting your son see so much intimacy? Stay strong girl! He is enjoying your Jealousy so let it be and time will tell and then you will remember why you left him.

May 16, 2009
4:33 am
Avatar
BrokenAngel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks so much for the help! So far, I've made it thru one day without calling or texting him. I think I'll mark it on my calendar and take this one day at a time.

Hugs...
BrokenAngel

May 16, 2009
10:05 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

broken!! yay, you made it one day...and yes, one day at a time..if you feel you need to call or text..don't...just post here instead, post your feelings and we'll help you get thru this hour by hour, minute by minute!! (((camer))

May 16, 2009
10:07 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You're assuming the other woman is just like you, has the same needs as you etc. Maybe she doesn't need to feel "respected" like you do, maybe she needs to be with someone who is selfish and unavailable to her. See? It's absolutely fruitless to imagine that his relationship with her is like yours but "better." Impossible. 2 people bring 2 unique sets of needs, attitudes, behaviors to a relationship. So let it be."
Keep reminding yourself of where they met, what brought the both of them to those rooms. Addiction……ya today maybe both of them are clean but it would seem they moved rather quickly into this relationship not really knowing each other all that well.

You need to put the focus back on you, your wants your needs your life. Learn to overcome your addiction to him, them and their lives.

Self control---the more you call and text him the more control you kept allowing him to have over you, haven’t you had enough of him controlling you life? Let him go, put the past to rest and get on with your life.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

May 21, 2009
12:30 am
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi angel,
when you are thinking of contacting him, check your motives and ask yourself, am i going to feel better or worse about myself after doing this.

i used to do the same thing, contact my ex, and feel crappy about it. when you are used to hurting yourself, its easy to keep doing it, without really seeing that you are inflicting more pain on yourself.

as camer said, keep posting here. this is a great place to get support.

May 25, 2009
2:40 am
Avatar
allaboutgod
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi there!

I don't seem to have this problem although I did for a short time but fortunately for the great family and friendships I have, they helped me to pull through.

I only have a question that might be a difficult question to answer. I am now dating a wonderful guy. He's honestly the greatest thing that has ever happened to me with an equal agreeing relationship. BUT, his ex-girlfriend that broke up with him more than 2 years ago still calls him more than 5 times a day! I understand that there is obviously an issue with being codependent and she fits in the description in every way. It's very sad and I want to help her but it's not something I feel that would even make sense to be my responsibility.

Because of this situation I feel it's not helping my relationship with my partner. When we are in a deep moment she calls and it breaks the moment and puts me in a negative mood thinking of things I could say to her to keep her away. I'm just not like that at all!

Is there any way from my position to be able to help her?

May 25, 2009
3:03 am
Avatar
screwdnchopt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello, i'm an outsider looking in, i'm not sure what 2 say. I've been in that situation before. I was the 1 that wouldn't leave her alone. I realized, later that i just needed attention. She used to fullfill that. Not sure how i got over it, but in time i did.

May 25, 2009
9:44 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

allaboutgod, In some way he is still involved with him if she calls 5 times a day and he answers. It has been two years since they broke up. If they had been married and divorced and she was doing this any therapist or lawyer would advice him to tell her that he could not take every call. If it was an emergency by all means leave a message on his voice mail and he would get back to her.

You cannot help her.

Bitsy

May 26, 2009
11:06 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I guess I’d have to ask, why do YOU feel the need to help her. And what kind of help is she looking for, is she even seeking help or are you assuming that if you help her she will no longer interfere with your relationship with her ex?
Where is your bf with all of this? How does he feel about all those calls from her and how those calls effect your emotions and moods?
It’s really not up to you to think of things to say to her to keep her away (that’s your codie control taking over), this is up to your bf.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
43
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111048
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714357
Newest Members:
nickvoz, jron1945bas, juliaopty, uoi, jamescortes, rickymorgan3165
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information