Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Making progress? PLEASE READ (balancesekr)
October 30, 2004
6:46 pm
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I need to vent. I want to thank all of you here who have supported me over the past few months! You have helped me tremendously!

I called my ex today because of the agony I felt and have been feeling! I called looking for some answers and I got some. He admitted to being selfish, moving too quickly in the relationship and lots of other things. He is seeing someone now but doesn't feel the way he did for me. He said he realized we went too fast because now that he is seeing someone, sometimes he feels sick around her!

He knows that I wasn't happy with him and feels bad, I contribute my unhappiness to his being so busy and generally unavailable. I told him I am seeing someone but I still have feelings for him and I am not ready for a relationship. I called the new guy after this and told him we should stop seeing each other because ALL this stuff is still on my mind.

I am not sure right now if it was the best idea to call him, I still feel very angry, sad that nothing could/would be changed, he admits to living a hectic life... I am upset with myself for letting myself get into such a situation. He apologized for proposing too soon and putting so much pressure on me.

I am patting myself on the back for realizing I need to stop with the new guy, I need to heal. I don't know if my ex will do the same or what the future holds, we are both grieving. I do know that he hasn't discussed any of this with his new friend, because it's his issue he says. I discussed it with my new guy and was very open, took my time... so I guess I have learned something. I just wanted to share this.

Any thought, comments would be appreciated, thank you everyone.
Balancesekr

October 30, 2004
7:18 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HI Balance,

First of all - I'm glad to hear that you are realizing new things about yourself. It also sounds like you know you are not ready for a new relationship just yet, and rather than stringing the new guy along, you let him down gently, which is the kind thing to do.

Just be forewarned, that despite your ex telling you he is "not ready to move on" yet either, does not mean he will break up with his new friend and change to what you want him to be. Just be sure you recognize and understand that.

But, I'm glad you got that off of your chest and I hope it will help you move on to a healthier place.

Z.

October 30, 2004
8:12 pm
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi zinnie,
I am not sure it was a good idea to talk to him. I feel like garbage. I feel really sad and I know he won't do anything to be with me. I really need to talk to someone. I feel like I just undid months of recovery or something.
Any advice on what to do?

October 30, 2004
8:58 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that is why it is best to have "no contact" - it seems so hard to move on and get over someone when you keep contacting them.

Forgive yourself, and keep looking forward. You will get back on an even keel and probably faster this time.

Z.

October 30, 2004
9:34 pm
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Now that I know he is seeing someone I feel awful, like I gave him away and now he is with someone new. He said today he's not looking for a girlfriend, he already has one!

Anybody out there? I really feel like I am destroying myself here. I don't understand myself, I ended the relationship and pushed it away... why do I keep second guessing?

Now I wonder who is with, what she is like... and I called my new guy and broke it off, what am I doing?

Maybe it's the right move because for me, I am not ready? But I did/do feel good around the new guy... but I also am afraid to get too involved right now and lose my focus. I guess I am obviously having a problem moving on here. Any support is welcome. I feel like not many people answer me anymore 🙁
I don't know if I have just frustrated people by repeating my pattern or something.

October 31, 2004
12:06 am
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, perhaps you can start out by listing all the things and reasons why you broke off with him.

It sounds like he was not meeting what you really needed - you did not "give him away" you moved on to find a better life for yourself.

Have you thought about taking some time to yourself to figure out what exactly you really want? Instead of just moving from one relationship to another?

Z.

October 31, 2004
12:16 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Balance-

Maybe hindsight is making this guy seem better for you than he was? Remember you had big issues around how unavailable he was, his unwillingness to change his schedule or acknowledge your feelings about it. This is not something you mentioned that he has changed or seems willing to. Don't let the fact that he has a new girlfriend fool you into thinking that he has transformed himself into being somesort of new man. Girlfriend or not, do you really want to step backwards?

On the other hand, I do understand the emotion, I'm there myself. It's hard not to miss someone you cared so deeply for.

keep posting
-ella

October 31, 2004
1:24 am
Avatar
babysteps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Balance,

Please don't EVER feel as though people aren't responding because they are sick of your "pattern." I am always here for you...always.

First off, I want to applaud you (for lack of a better phrase) for being so honest with yourself, your ex, and the new guy. I know that took balls, and I am proud of you for realizing that you couldn't be with someone right now.

By the same token, you need to remember as Ella said, that you had major concerns with the relationship with your ex and his lack of availability. It seems as though we all look back on our past relationships with rose-colored glasses and tend to only see the good stuff ad opposed to looking at the relationship realistically. You KNOW, in your head and heart, that you had legitimate concerns about that relationship...don't lose sight of that.

As cliqued as it sounds, and as much as I hate to admit it, I really think recovery consists of a two steps forward, one step back movement...it sucks and it's hard to think we've come so far and then realize how much work we have.

Just tonight, I was supposed to hang out with the that boy but he was completely bummed and exhausted from work, so we didn't. While I understood cerebrally that he was wiped, emotionally I assumed it was me...that I wasn't good enough...and then I cried realizing how much work I have to do and that I will probably be battling this for the rest of my life...that's what makes me so terribly sad. 🙁 Sniffle, sniffle.

Give yourself time to grieve, Balance...and give yourself time to forgive yourself. Everything happens for some reason (I know that's such an over-used statement)...think of how far you've come and how much you've grown as a result of that relationship.

You can't feel awful about your ex's choice to see someone else...that's his choice and is NO WAY a reflection of your self-worth. Balance, you are an incredible person...keep your head up. I know you'll pull through this....

Baby Steps 🙂

October 31, 2004
2:52 pm
Avatar
KathyinPain
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Balance,

Looks like, deep down, you've already made up your mind about your ex.

One thing I've learned is that everyone tends (and I mean that - it's not an "always") to pick the same type of person to fall in love with. By that, I mean their looks have nothing to do with the choice, although most times we do pick someone with certain looks.

What I'm talking about is their personality and the way they think and express themselves. Most people tend to go for the same personality type each time.

Unless! Unless there are changes to the way YOU think about others. That's important. Only you can change YOU, including the kinds of choices you make about being with certain types of men.

Give yourself some space right now, sounds like you need it. Take a look within yourself about these choices. I hope this helps.

(((((balance))))))

October 31, 2004
4:56 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Balance)))
I feel for you, I really do. I decided not to contact my ex ever again, even though I too would like some answers. It's very hard, in fact I think it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. these past 2 months have been the worst in my short life so far. (I'm 22.) But just keep moving forward, and look to the future as exciting and full of opportunity. It is.

Love,
Art angel

November 1, 2004
2:13 pm
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello everyone, thank you so much for your support! I love that you are all there for me 🙂

I did choose a better life for myself. I guess it's just upsetting that I stayed in a situation which obviously wasn't really making me happy for a long time. I gave it a whirl! I feel I molded my life around his kind of and I can't help but feel upset and a little taken advantage of!

Of course this situation has helped me realize to go my own pace! I feel angry that he did move so fast with me, knows he's selfish! Maybe I chose him for these reasons! What is really tough is thinking about that! Am I choosing unavailable people!

I am trying not to overthink the new guy... but my negative thoughts say that the new guy is interested because I am emotionally unavailable and once I am available he will turn out to be the same as my ex. Is this intuition or what?

I don't want to pick myself apart too much, but I see how I distance myself in a relationship too! Awareness is the first step so I am trying to believe that one day I will have a healthy, happy relationship.

I go between feeling sick to my stomach that my ex has someone new and then thinking, its for the best, I wasn't happy. But then I think, will I ever be? Was I impossible or was the situation impossible or was it a little bit of both? Will I hang in there next time? or rather, next time I get close will I be happy with the person I am there with? Too many lessons in this one! That's probably why I am so confused, I am trying to make sense of so much!

I definitely am scared that my new guy, who I still talk to and see at school is bad for me! I think that just because, maybe we are both not available? Or he is younger and right away that should be a flag. Or he will use that against me if I do get involved, like my ex did regarding his schedule and resistance to change anything "I was doing this from the beginning, you knew this when we met" bullshit! How can this crap be avoided, how can you know?

I know I need time, I am just putting these thoughts out there for discussion. hugs to ALL of YOU 🙂

November 1, 2004
6:01 pm
Avatar
babysteps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Balance,

I can relate to what you are feeling when you say, "I guess it's just upsetting that I stayed in a situation which obviously wasn't really making me happy for a long time." Every few weeks I end up crying about the same thing in the therapist's office...it makes me sad to think that I let myself be so unhappy for so incredibly long. It makes me sad that I had such unrealistically high expectations for myself and such low ones for those in my life. Yet, as my therapist is quick to remind me, I am twenty-five...I don't have a husband, don't have kids, etc. I am young...there are people who go much much longer than us without happiness. Be proud that you realized this now rather than when you are eighty years old.

Give yourself some credit...maybe the new guy is interested in you because you are kind, intelligent, sensitive, real, and honest. Did that ever cross your mind? 🙂 If not, you better start considering it...hee hee hee. Hmm...don't know whether it's intution to think that he will turn out like your ex...maybe more fear than anything. You need to not try to fit this new guy into the mold of your ex that you are so comfortable with...some things can't be generalized...like people.

I think that sometimes the over-thinking and analyzing is what makes us feel so helpless and hopeless and scared. Don't try to figure out everything at once; I think things will be "revealed" as you learn more about yourself. Sometimes those "ahhh haaa" moments just kinda creep up unexpectedly.

Why should his age be a flag? Is he entirely immature, and does he treat you like crap? If so, then I would say maybe that's a flag...but age in itself is not necessarily a negative thing. Perhaps, you are just looking for a tangible reason to justify your lack of readiness to be with him...just a thought.

I think the whole "you knew this from the beginning" has its merits at times. Sometimes we do put ourselves in not so good situations despite what we know we don't like, etc. Yet, by the same token, we are allowed to change our minds and feelings about things...people aren't static. So, if age becomes an issue, it becomes an issue...you don't need to justify your feelings to anyone. Sometimes there are things we can get past, and sometimes there are things we can't. Only you can decide that.

Baby Steps

November 2, 2004
1:53 pm
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Baby Steps,
I love reading your posts 🙂 We haven't had a BIG post in a while.

It is tough to swallow, knowing that we made the decisions and put ourselves in situations that made us unhappy. But we are growing and starting to make better decisions!!!

I think with the new guy I am afraid I will really fall in love and want to get married and he will not be ready because of this age. Or I fear that all of a sudden our age will become a factor once we are both out of school or something. He definitely is not immature, I guess I am just afraid of the worst.

I am still trying to get over, understand, an feel better about my ex. Does it just boil down to us not fitting together? Maybe and that is a tough one to swallow as well. I sit and wonder if I wasn't so scared, wasn't so negative with my outlook on marriage and was more confident, would the relationship have worked? Maybe...

I just know I had many, many issues with being close in my last relationship. Last night I hung with the new guy and I felt a little like I needed to entertain him, wasn't enough, but I fought those fears and tried my best to relax and just be there, it's enough, I am enough!

I am trying so hard to not beat myself up for being so insecure in my last relationship. My ex had so many ex's around, groupies, was busy... that I felt horrible... who can blame me I guess. But the girl my ex is with now, how is she gonna handle it, is she that perfect that none of that will bother her????

How is your new b/f doing? How are YOU?? 🙂
Balancesekr

November 2, 2004
6:48 pm
Avatar
babysteps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Balance,

I apologize for my lack of "big" posts...I've been running around like crazy...literally. 🙂

I definitely have the same fear that you have with the new guy...the fear of falling quickly and losing sight of myself. So, I am trying to take it veeeery slow (as uncomfortable and childish as it may feel) with my new guy (who is not my b/f YET by the way...hee hee hee). I dig the new guy I met, so I want to try to remain as healthy as possible.

Hmm....here's my take on the situation with your ex. Take it with a grain of salt though since I only know your relationship from what you have told me. Perhaps at this point in your lives, you do not "fit" together...who knows if a few weeks, months, years it will be a different story. I really think you need to give yourself a break...sure we'd all like to be fearless, oozing with positivity, and incredibly confident...but if we are with someone who doesn't seem to have time for us, does it really matter how happy we are with ourselves. You did have legitimate concerns with your relationship. From what you have said, it seems as though you were putting in more than your ex was...and that's never cool.

I love that you "fought your fears" and told yourself that you are enough for the new guy...I almost cried reading it because I find myself having to say the same things when I am waiting for my new guy to call. I constantly have to change my mindset from thinking he won't call to thinking, "why wouldn't he call me? i'm awesome." Sure; it's hard to believe and sounds soo silly, but I think that the more we say it the more we will believe it. We are MORE than enough, Balance...much more!

Don't beat yourself up about your last relationship...use it as a stepping stone. You know you were insecure... now, take the steps to work on that insecurity.

And don't even waste your energy thinking about the new girl...everyone has issues...EVERYONE...some people just hide it better than others. Don't worry about how she's going to handle him; just devote your energy to making yourself feel good.

I am doing well. I have my moments of breaking down and feeling sad. Not so much sad about feeling like I am not good enough anymore, but feeling sad that I was so mean to myself for so long. Yet, I am much more relaxed and at ease than I was, which feels great. It's tough though, as I am sure you know. I have friends who are close to getting engaged, and even though I have no desire to get married anytime soon, I wonder if I will ever be able to be completely healthy in a relationship. Will codependency always be a battle for us?? Just a thought.

Well, keep posting, and I will do my best to respond with "big" posts...it keeps me reflecting upon the work I need to do, so thank ya for that. 🙂

Baby Steps

November 3, 2004
2:13 pm
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Baby Steps,
It's OK that we haven't had a BIG post, I just really like when we do 🙂

I can't stand how here and there I just feel like I am missing out on something because I am not with my ex anymore. I feel like his life is perfect or something, which isn't true, why do I think it, don't know. Maybe I don't believe in my life enough!

I hate the reality of it being over with my ex. I keep thinking... hey he was working so hard to support us and start our life, how can I change that self defeating thought?

I can't help but think of the new girl, maybe it's my way of punishing myself. I don't want to live on my regrets, but I feel regretful. Like I didn't appreciate things or something. I just know I had many doubts and why can't I just accept that and move on?

The same way I would pick apart my ex, I see how I can start doing that with the new guy... is it because I think he's not enough, I am not enough?

Regarding the battle with codep, I think we will always have to work really hard at staying balanced!

I can't believe my ex said to me that I kept him at arms length in one sentence and the next sentence was sorry I moved so fast with you. He realizes now that he did because when he's with the new girl he feels sick sometimes! So what the hell was I supposed to let him engulf me!

I wonder if the new girl told him to back off, like he's all ga ga already? This is not the best way to spend my time... but here I am thinking about it!

November 3, 2004
9:09 pm
Avatar
babysteps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Balance, I like the BIG posts too...we must have more of them.

Maybe your ex was working hard to support you and your future, but he was still neglecting you and your needs in the process. Don't lose sight of that; you need to try to change the language you use. Rather than saying, he was working so hard to support us, try saying that while he was working hard, he wasn't giving you what you needed.

The thoughts about the new girl are def. a way of punishing yourself. As I've said to you so many times, you had legitimite concerns...don't downplay them.

I used to pick apart the people I dated when I started getting close and feeling afraid...I would try to find reasons not to like them or find reasons for them not to like ME, so that I could bail out. That's our emotions though; and sometimes we can't let those emotions run our lives. Actually, most of the time, we probably shouldn't let our emotions run our lives.

You're right...it's not the healthiest way to spend your time...get it out of your system, have a good cry, make plans to run away (which is what I always do...hee hee hee), and then start trudging forward.

Baby Steps

November 4, 2004
7:18 pm
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Babysteps,
I like that re-wording you did. While he was working hard he wasn't giving me what I needed!

In the relationship with my ex admidst all the problems, I kind of blamed myself for feeling insecure and I told him that I had trouble with intimacy. So I have a tough time with where the blame falls here! He is using what I said as a scapegoat... oh, well you said you had problems with intimacy! Meanwhile, his ex-girlfriends are integrated into his family and coming over for BBQ'ed ribs later... but I have the problem!

Obviously, this relationship brought up many core issues for me, and I admitted that to my ex. I just wonder if he really sees what happened here, or if he's just gonna say, hey I am what I am and she didn't fit with the program.

Thanks for reading 🙂 You are getting wiser by the day!
Balance

November 4, 2004
7:38 pm
Avatar
babysteps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Balance,

Me? Wiser?? Nahh...you should have seen me today; I'm just a bundle of emotion and feeling pretty bummed for no particular reason. Watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and bawled my eyes out...I am such a sap. 🙂

I don't think we can blame ourselves for being insecure...it's a result of some situation in our lives...it developed as a means of coping, and now is maladaptive. We don't have to punish ourselves for feeling insecure, but we can take responsibility for our insecurities and work through them.

I don't really think there is need to assign blame to you or your ex. You both had issues; both had needs (yours were not being met). That's all there is to it. Sometimes there is no blamed to be assigned; sometimes things just "are."

I think in time your ex, if he hasn't already, will see things for what they were as opposed to being so close-minded about the relationship and about who you are. Just be good to yourself...you are an incredibly strong person, and I admire you for that. 🙂

Baby Steps

November 4, 2004
11:35 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Just wanted to say "Hi" Balance!

Been reading your thread...babysteps says such good stuff that I don't have much to add. You sound so healthy, that might not be the way you feel all the time- but you have come so far. I'm trying to learn from you.

-ella

November 5, 2004
1:10 am
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Baby Steps and Ella!!!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was a mind F'er, I thought. It was really weird, and when I saw it I was totally contemplating ended my last relationship, so that didn't help matters!

It's pretty crazy and interesting fighting and working on these insecurities which are maladaptive. Sometimes it just feels like so much to think about! I almost feel like all these fears have protected me or something? They prevent me from getting close or have they protected me?

I am working on figuring out what I really want and how I want to live. It's scary having total responsiblity for yourself and your choices... but I am getting pretty good at it. Each day I take the time to stay balanced and if I don't feel balanced I make sure I get that way by adjusting my thoughts.

I am glad I can help you both, you guys are awesome 🙂
Post me back let me know how you both are!! Balance

November 5, 2004
1:16 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

I tried to contact my ex too. This is my first confession.

-ella

November 5, 2004
8:08 am
Avatar
babysteps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Balance and Ella,

Balance, I know what you mean...all these choices and responsibilities feel like so much...so overwhelming. Yet, I am sure that soon it will start to feel better and more comfortable. I know that I also, at times, think that my fears and my codependency have "protected" me, but the more I look at it, the more I realize how much those insecurities made me miserable because I felt as though I deserved nothing good. They also made me lose out on a lot of happiness because I was scared.

As much as we all would like to live in a safe little bubble, that is certainly not what life has in store for us. Think about how much we don't have the chance to experience when we keep up our walls and hide behind our fears. As afraid as I am, I would much rather live my life than wake up when I am 70 and have no experiences, happy or sad, to show for my life. Ya know?

Had a not so good day yesterday; I hope I slept it off last night. I've been frustrated with school because I am much more aware of all the political nonsense that goes on in school districts. It's scary to realize that schools could care less about teaching children to be good people, feel good about themselves, and take responsibility for themselves, which for me is crucial. My knee has been bothering me, so I haven't been running this week, which is a bummer. My brother is moving in less than a month to San Diego, and I am going to miss him tremendously. Uhhh...I guess that's it. Oh...and admidst all this stuff that I have NO control over, I find myself trying to exact some sort of control with the new boy in my life...this week, it has been especially hard to remind myself that just because he doesn't call me everyday doesn't mean he doesn't like me or care about me. When I hear myself reacting so emotionally and codependently, I get upset because I feel like I have been so "healthy" with him over the past month and now I am having a setback. I really like him and don't want to screw it up...for either of us. So, I am trying to find that "balance" again, so I don't start feeling shitty about myself. Any suggestions??

Ella, okay; you tried to call you ex. Take the time to figure out why you called...what were you looking for, expecting to hear from him, etc. Maybe if you get to the root of your motivation, you can use it to help you move forward. Does that make sense? Keep your head up!

Baby Steps

November 5, 2004
9:27 am
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good morning ladies,

I keep dreaming about my ex, every single night! Last night I saw him and his new girlfriend. She was a singer in a band just like him.

I suppose this means I am coping/dealing with it.

Enough about me for now. Baby Steps, That sounds really frustrating, you are on the front line with the children who are the adults of tomorrow. It's a fine line you probably have to walk between following the "rules" and really being a teacher, teaching kids what they need to know.

That's really rough that your brother is moving, I know you are going to miss him! You can visit though, San Diego is really nice and remember, he may be back real soon. Two of my family members moved out there and two of them returned within a few years.

I know it's hard to maintain what we think is healthiness within a relationship... this is what I am thinking lately... I think with the new guy I am so scared to make a mistake and I also want to make sure I am being myself. I find that when I am confident, I speak my mind and don't really think twice. However; when I feel vulnerable, that's when I get scared and jumpy and I really scrutinize things I say. We are going to make some mistakes. I think the most important thing is that we think before we react now and repeat to ourselves "My needs and wants are important" so we don't stop asking for what need because we get scared of being codep or not healthy.

I did this yesterday! I was talking to the new guy and I totally felt vulnerable, like a pain in the butt, asking/expecting too much... it felt really bad! I really had to dig deep, relax and talk to myself. We are going to make mistakes, but this time, I am going to know that anything I said or did was reasonable. In my last relationship there was too much confusion for me and I couldn't make heads or tails of things. I think this will help you.

Ella,
It's OK that you contacted your ex, thanks for sharing that. As Baby Steps said, think about what it is you are looking for. As long as you feel that you can talk to him and keep your focus. I took a gamble with calling my ex. I got lucky that he wasn't nasty and was open. He could've been really hurtful and I would have been set back. I felt a little set back last week... I think it was better we spoke, because I feel like I am really asking myself about how I feel and trying to cope with it. That's why I am dreaming about it so much I think.

Keep posting, I don't have internet access right now, but I will get back to you within the next few days 🙂
Balancesekr

November 5, 2004
8:45 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

hi balance, babysteps and anyone out there...

I don't want to take up space on Balance's thread talking much more about me- I guess I should start my own. Drop me a line when you get a chance?

Babysteps- Obviously I'm hardly in the position to be doling out advice on setbacks- but I think... well, hmmm the nature of a setback is that you have made progress and then you slide back again. The fact is that you made progress and you can regain footing. Even during the setback you are still better off than you were before you made the progress. I don't know if that makes any sense or is at all comforting, but I think if you were doing as badly as you could be- you wouldn't notice that their was a setback. Everything would seem the status quo.

See you both around the boards... I wanna post, but my eyes need a rest.

-ella

November 6, 2004
6:24 pm
Avatar
babysteps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

How ya holding up, Ella?

Thanks for the kind words...I totally agree with you, and it's comforting to hear it from you.

I am having not such a good day today. Last night I was supposed to hang out with my new guy. We spoke before dinner; I asked if he wanted to hang out, he said yes and he would call me "in a little bit" after he ate. Needless to say, I didn't hear from him last night.

From what I've seen over the past month, this is not characteristic of him at all. He calls when he says he's going to, and if he can't he will text message my phone to let me know. He's been making a ton, if not all, of the effort with me...he is the one to call me, initiate plans most of the time, etc...so I am completely floored that I haven't heard from him.

It's upsetting b/c I guess I have the mentality, "I'm healthy now, so things should just work for me." I don't know what to think...I know he's a genuinely good guy, and I know he'd be honest with me if he wasn't interested etc. and there haven't been any signs that he's not interested.

I suppose I need to set a boundary and not call (even though the codependent controlling part of me wants to desperately)...and let him apologize for not calling and not letting me know that he couldn't hang out last night. It's hard though...I am disappointed and sad. 🙁

Help!

Baby Steps

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
44
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110907
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
819Zeed, odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer