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Making an Al-anon Meeting
January 31, 2005
5:13 pm
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LeoB
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I love and live with someone who drinks too much. I would like to attend an Al-anon meeting but my spouse has threatened to leave home if I do. I have explained that the meeting is for me and my issues with control and to help me get better but my spouse feels threatened. Should I go and lie about my where I am and what I am doing?

January 31, 2005
6:11 pm
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jastypes
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You should definitely go. Whether or not to lie about it, I'll leave up to you. You will learn things there so that eventually you will choose not to lie and feed into his illness, and allow him to ruin both your lives.

jill

January 31, 2005
7:29 pm
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sdesigns
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I have heard of alcoholics getting upset w/ their partner for going to al Anon because they are afraid they are going to get talked about. but al anon puts the focus on you, not the drinker. It is his insecurity talking. I would go- get yourself back into perspective- and there are so many people to relate to and just listening to them if nothing else helps. good luck. SD

January 31, 2005
7:29 pm
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sdesigns
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I have heard of alcoholics getting upset w/ their partner for going to al Anon because they are afraid they are going to get talked about. but al anon puts the focus on you, not the drinker. It is his insecurity talking. I would go- get yourself back into perspective- and there are so many people to relate to and just listening to them if nothing else helps. good luck. SD

January 31, 2005
8:28 pm
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addicts wife
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I think "they" get upset, becasue they are threatened, but YOU should go. Your spouses threats are FEAR.
someone once said that everything in life stems from 2 things, Love andFear." Of course i dontremember what followed that, or where it came from, but even that much of it, is a good thing for motivation. He feels threatened, and fearful that you may (perhaps) figure him out, adn if his identity is enraptured with his drinking, he wont know who he is... addressing all these things can be very scary, especially to someone who isnt ready to face it, etc, but i tihnk you should go. I dont threatened after myhusband was arrested, and he was pissed that i went ot a meeting, and I simply said "this isnt ALL ABOUT YOU, and YOU are not the only one effected by YOUR actions, I needed to go FOR ME, for insight,and stability.he ended up thinking about it a lot and inderstood me, but he is still very anti therapy, and AA meeting.. "whatever. It helped me get through ti, For MYSELF. It was hard, but a step in taking care of me first, and Trusting myself enough to do something for myself.

February 1, 2005
2:09 pm
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day1
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alanon is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I have been going for over a year now and it helps each time I go. This is not to say all my days are wonderful but I have an advantage of knowing how to choose to have a good day. Sweetie when you love someone who is an addict sometimes it helps to know how to love yourself too. To love myself seemed so selfish but it helps me to know how to love others in a healthy way. Lots of love and learning in alanon.

February 1, 2005
3:06 pm
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angel1
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We have to learn how to make even if they don't..
All my life I needed someone else's approval to make a decision..today I make my own choices and decisions..
I have been in Al-anon for 14yrs. and I wouldn't give it up for anything or anyone..
it is my strength,support,comfort..it gives me everything I need to deal with life,relationships,
my past,my present..& future..(one day at a time)...
Angel1

February 1, 2005
3:30 pm
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marley
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On a somewhat different note - Alcoholics and addicts generally tend to be very controlling and very manipulative, so it isn't even the tiniest bit surprising that he doesn't want you to have a mind of your own and go to these meetings. If you don't want to upset him, but you want to learn about living with an addict, you should look at the information on Hazeldon in Minnesota. It is one of the best drug rehabilitation programs in the country. They have a ton of links and support ideas (books, articles, etc).

If I were you, honestly, I think you need to go. But before you go you need to be ok with the idea that this could really set him over the edge. Do what is best for you.

February 1, 2005
3:42 pm
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addicts wife
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speaking of being threatened by someone else having a mind of her own, My husband saw me here this morning,and said "wow, youre hooked on your "self help crap" arent you??"
I said If anyones gunna help me, It Might as well be me....
Maybe I should go t oa meeting tonight???

February 1, 2005
4:13 pm
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raptor5618
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I say go. I think they were one of the best things to ever happen to me. A's don't want their families to go because then you will learn how to take care of yourself. They want you to take care of their needs which is the addiction.

One thing to add. Go several times before making any decisions, go to different meetings as some you may like some you may not. Give it a while and I believe that you will find you are better off for having gone to them.

February 1, 2005
4:19 pm
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addicts wife
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I think you are totally correct!!!
I'll "take what i need and leave the rest." I KNow I need to work on MYSELF, and Ive been doin it.. theres always room for improvement, andonce i help myself, Dealing with others, especially my husband will be easier... instead of continoulsy adding to the pile, I'll make a list, and start somewhere....

February 1, 2005
8:13 pm
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CAMER
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i would "go" this is for you!!! an i have been with an alcoholic and have "gone" and he bashed me for going....but it never stopped me from going, it actually helped me get stronger. Do this for YOU!!! and don't be afraid of what the outcome may be with him. Good luck.

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