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August 29, 2006
3:05 am
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cpt1212
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My mother is a private person. But every morning when she wakes up and opens all the blinds in the house. She says that she requires the sunlight to live. Natural light floods her storybook home and everything is shiny, new, fashionable and perfectly placed. I return to my apartment each evening to drawn curtains: a dark, cool, comforting cocoon. I have not lived at home in a decade, but I live each day in the shadows my mother has banished.

August 29, 2006
3:10 am
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Anonymous
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CPT- I hear ya.

August 29, 2006
3:12 am
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cpt1212
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I cloak myself in the shadows, hide in the shadows, find comfort in the shadows and define myself by the shadows.

August 29, 2006
3:14 am
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Anonymous
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yes, I know.

August 29, 2006
3:17 am
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cpt1212
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She visits and tells me that it is a sign of poor mental health to live each day without letting in the sunshine. I don’t know whether to laugh or scream or lash out with a biting, witty reply. But I choke down the irony and move to open the blinds, at least until she leaves.

August 29, 2006
3:20 am
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Anonymous
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Set your boundaries. It is YOUR fortress, as she has her fortress. You are home in your own fortress. She is your guest. I admit, I do the same.

August 29, 2006
3:23 am
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cpt1212
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🙂

it is nice to know that i am not the only one that cocoons at home. luckily she just moved back to where i grew up and that is several hundred miles away and so she will not be visiting as often. although she is already planning her next trip. i just was thinking that that small difference in how we choose to live says so much about us.

August 29, 2006
3:27 am
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Anonymous
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Sweet dreams, my friend. I found this interesting. We can only expect so much of ourselves and others. We do our best when we finally realize our parents are not perfect human beings and may disappoint us, but it is not our job to be responsible for their happiness...just ours. They are not perfect humans. They made mistakes (some more than others), and so do we. Feel your feelings until you can let go. Communicate your boundaries as best as you can. It is all you can do. Enjoy the shadows and your peace and know you are independent now. Your mom may never understand your need. It is okay. Be your own best parent sometimes. Hug yourself. Love, P&L

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