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Mad As heck
March 7, 2000
6:11 am
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janes
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JT...there will never be any way to get away from all that reminds you of him...but over time the reminders won't make you jump and be anxious or sad...he'l just float through your mind and you'll say "hi" or "GET OUT OF HERE!" time is a key issue...we are always willing to give our bidies and broken bones time to heal never our hearts , head and spirits.... If it hurts a little less it may be detached. and some left attached...i'm certainly no expert here.

Lost soul...I'll have to rered your post and add on here...I 'm old and forgot what I wanted to tell you.

March 7, 2000
6:19 am
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janes
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Never knew the love of a dad, struggle since young, responsibility (too much), job stress,

When will it be done...might not ever be "done". Maybe you need to look at th problem differently.

Your did should have shown you love..you missed it..you miss it now...he messed up not you!!! It's fair to be angry about that when you realize it.

struggled since you were young with lots of responsibilities...You sound very strong, very able, my dad had lost both paretns by the time he was twelve and went on to get the highest degree you can earn... It took him longer than anyone...but he did it. Use your experiences to make your self better and wiser and stronger

Stress and work...look for a stress program, a way you can RELAX.. Leave work stuff AT WORK.

THEY DONT PAY YOU TO THINK ABOUT IT AT HOME DO THEY? WHEN THEY DO pay you extra WORRY ABOUT IT AT HOME.

Other people giving you stress at work...jerks will be jerks...

Lean on you iner core of peace and calm.

hope this was helpful

March 7, 2000
6:57 am
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janes
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Here's the anger thing again...it was anonymous..on either a coda site or acoa site

SUPRPRESSED ANGER TOPICS

We have been taught to avoid expressing angry feeling (esp. women)My addition) Although we are all extremely angry people who are UNAWARE of these feelings. Because we are unaware, our anger is expressed inappropriately in selfdestructive ways:
-Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks
--Perpetual or habitual lateness

--A liking for saidistic or ironic humor

-sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation

-Overpoliteness, constant cheerfulness an attitude of "grin and bear it"

-Frequent sighing

-smiling while hurting

--Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams

-Overcontrolled monotone speaking voice

-difficulty in getting to sleep or difficulty sleeping through the night

-Boredon or apathy, loss of interest in things

-Slowing down of body movements

-Getting tired more easily than usual

-Excessive irritabilit over trifles

--Getting drowsy at innappropriate times

-Sleeping more than usual-12-14 hours a day

-Waking up tired not rested/refreshed

-Clenched jaws-esp. while sleeping

-Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical act done unintentionally (or which I am aware of

-Grinding of teeth-especially while sleeping

-Chronically sore neck/ stif neck (upper back)

--chronic depression -extended periods of feeling down for no reason

-Stomach upset and ulcers

----------------------

Our godies WILL TELL us what is wrong and we don't listen!!!

women (men too) get Dr Christine Northrup's book Women's bodies, Women's Wisdom" It's GREAT!!!

March 8, 2000
5:28 am
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Jaytong
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hey, janes, good to start a new thread, it takes so long to load.
I understand there couldn't be a quick way, but I am astonished that it took me so fast to fall in love with him but so long to detach from him.

I can say "hi" to him in my mind. But I can't imagine what's my reaction if i really see him. Last night, I went to movie with my friends, while we're waiting to go into the cinema, my ex paged one of my friend. He then shout loud:"oh, HC's paging me?!" Then, everyone's looking at me. I don't know, I didn't have any 'emotional change' on my face as if I heard nothing, then we cnotinue with what we were talking about. um....we (whole group of friends) used to be together (that's how my ex and I began), now friends are avoiding gathering with both of us present. Just feel kind of "change of atmosphere" between friends......

I agree with Janes about the work stress. Leave stuff AT WORK < -----very important. I used to be a workaholic. there was a period that I worked >10 hrs everyday, 7 days per week and continue for 2 months! (!) BUT, I don't have any great progress; but if I "leave stuff at work", i find I can proceed much more smoothly.

Lost soul, sorry to hear that you are sick. I hope you are fine. Don't know the feeling of parental love is not good.....I didn't discover this until I broke up with my ex, I should say, after I read about co-dep thing. As I mentioned before, his leave dig up a lot of hidden feelings inside me, that's why it is painful (as if the pain "doubled" itself).....well, yes, struggle since young, I used to do this too. I don't know this make me tired. now I know......you know what, being with him actually clams me, 'coz I don't have to struggle for being loved. I felt so safe and secure to be in his arms.

March 8, 2000
7:05 am
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Jaytong
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by the way, I feel kinda numb when I think of him....it's like, when you get hurt, and feel pain, but you got so pain that then somehow, you have no more feelings at the wound anymore...... i don't like this, 'coz that brings me back to the cycle. like I have no feelings towards anything...

March 8, 2000
7:48 am
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janes
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...the lady who wrote "on Death and Dying" Elizabeth Kubler ross daid there are stages...neumbness is a stage.

I don't think you could go full sircle back to where you were as you have already taken steps in the growth area and you are ever so slightly different now.

Think of it as a spiral upward to healthyness and healing.
You make slide backwards but you will always continue now..eve if yo stop and ignore. Yo are more aware of YOU.

later

March 8, 2000
9:30 am
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lost soul
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Hi jaytong & janes, just to let you know that i've been to this thread. I am feeling better today.
Thanks for all the advises & sharing, its really great!!!
We can all come here to pour out our dis-satisfaction, anger, sorrow, wisdom, encouragement ect,ect,. is't that great?
Life stills goes on no matter how difficult it is, we somehow can overcome all these obstacle.

March 9, 2000
7:42 am
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janes
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LS and JT

Yeah ...it is good to get all that stuff out!!!!

Lost soul..have you figured out any of the physical stuff? There is a great book for women..."Women' Bodies Womne's wisdom"..by Dr Christiane Northrup.
she includes the questionaire she uses in her practice in the book....I started doing the questinaire ..and had to leave it for awhile cuz it was taking me places I wasn't ready to go!!!

I am glad you are feeling better...

Look up!!!the sky isn't fallin!!!! and if it is we will get to see what is behind it!!!

JT let us know about today's therapy!!!

March 9, 2000
9:36 am
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lost soul
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Hi janes , today, I am as thought working in a bomb. Anytime the bomb will explose and I will be dead.Haa Haa Haa just kidding. But its true. Its just in another form. So, scracy. I pray hard for tomorrow for the safety eight hours. Then I will be a feel woman for nine days.
OH! my god, I hope after my leave, when I go back, I pray for another two safety weeks. Then I shall be a real free woman.

March 9, 2000
10:16 am
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Jaytong
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Dear J and LS,
um........it's the first counseling...i didn't expect too much....'coz i think the counselor also needs time to understand what I told her, as we are complete strangers, she has to digest what I told her...and the story seems can't be explain in brief talks. but I think it's good....at least, she's kinda leading me to "dig" inside myself. she said, from what I said, I actually know what I want/is going to do UNCONCIOUSLY, but just need to "dig things up".....um....i am still thinking what she says...........
well...that just brign me back to the very basic question....what EXACTLY do i want????? oh,....keep on digging.....
I am not feeling very well today, talk to you guys later.

March 9, 2000
6:45 pm
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janes
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Bless you both...I pray for you all. It's a long struggle we each do alone so the "being with another " can be healthy and happy.

March 10, 2000
12:41 am
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Jaytong
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lost soul, you sound sad. your job must giving you a lot of stress. wish you luck.

I got flu last night, and fever.....so can't work today......and after all the medicine, i feel sleepy. the brain doesn't work well. maybe good for the moment. I can't keep on thinking and thinking and thinking......i think the body is signaling /asking for a complete rest. can't be real healthy without a healthy body.

thank u for all the blessing, janes.

March 10, 2000
6:25 am
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janes
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Tea and toast jt...rest and let the brain cycle on its own

Lost soul How are ya doing?

March 11, 2000
12:16 am
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lost soul
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Hi janes/ jaytong
I am fine. Thank you!
jaytong - I think you're body is feeling stress.that's why you're sick. I think if we don't feel well mentally, it somehow affect our physical wellbeing.But look at it this way, a common flu or fever gives our body & mind a moment of times to rest. ( by force ) isn't that good? ( trying to be optimistic) well, just take care & have a good rest!

March 11, 2000
8:13 am
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janes
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Yes there is a definite mind/body connection. God made us in threeparts...soul sprit and body.

The womens wisdon/womens bodies book I mentioned, by Christiane Northrup goes into this.

The day is dawning sunny and cold here. ...My shoulders are sow() Today should be a house cleaning day so i check in on you later

Smile!!!

March 12, 2000
12:25 am
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Jaytong
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hello. i'm back again. it's raining heavily. neverending rain. I hate raining.
feeling strange. friends keep talkin' about him, unintentionally; we're all friends after all. but I started to avoid talking about him in front of them. I just shut up and remain silent whenever the subject involves him until they change subject. I want to know his news though. But also want to hide from him. I don't know......from sweet moments, to painful hurt, to numbness, to avoiding him.........are all these just stages?
Hmmmmm....i guess janes would be mad when I say so. I still feel connection to him, although we don't have any contact. Perhaps no news is good news.
I just pray for him. wishing him good.

March 12, 2000
8:26 am
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janes
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Naaaah I'm not mad, never mad at you. Besides when I read your post I remembered ALL those feeling - each and every one. - sweet - pain - numb - avoid - .......next is FACE..but only when you're ready.

Honey..you may feel that connection forever..it is just that as ou become more detached the sight or thought would release a flood of dizzying emotion but rather a gentle wave. Maybe tinged with bittersweet remembering .

But first things first and YOU ARE THE FIRST THING!!!!

Rain....feeds the flowers, replenishes the earth, promotes growth....so many different ways of looking at things.

Ya know the bbible says.."IN AL THINGS PRAISE GOD" all..not just the good. ou have grown so much in so short a time.

Good luck more later.

March 13, 2000
5:23 am
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Jaytong
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FACE? ..........
I can't face him now.....don't have the courage to do that. whenever I think of how to face him, the thing that come up to my mind is:

he doesn't want to see me now. The one he wants to see is not me..... Compare to his 3 year relationship, I'm just a 'someone' that have spent 3 months with him. Compare to her, I'm just nothing. why gonna go see him? He won't see me anyway. Even if he will, he'll just tell me the same thing as in the last conversation. i don't want to hear that once more.......he came at a time I prepared to live alone, he came and open up my heart, that was totally a surprise, and I was so glad that he came; but just when I changed and prepared to share my life with someone, he just left.....

........... then, the feeling is heartbreaking.

haiiiiiiiiiii, but I really miss him. i do want to see him, to know his news, to know if he's good or not..............but then again.... ....This can kill.

March 13, 2000
5:56 am
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janes
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No...this in and of itself CANNOT KILL YOU it only feels like it...and did Isay to go out and face hime TODAY...NO I just said NEXT. You can avoid him as long as it takes or for the rest of your life . that will mean someone else is running your life because you are afraid to run your own. Now go back and read all the depressing things you daid about your self and TAKE THEM BACK take them back because THEY ARE NOT TRUE.

If he cannot truly apprecitate you even as just a friend he doesn't deserve you.

REad REad Read go to the libray and get the codependence book if you don't have it yet.

c'mon...crawl out of this hole!!!!!

March 13, 2000
6:03 am
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Jaytong
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janes................

March 13, 2000
7:55 am
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janes
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I know I am a pain but I like you and don't want to hear you saying those things cuz you will believe them and they are not true.

I know it is really hard for you right now and I sympathize.....BUT at the same time...you ARE in control of your self and you are making great gains.

'sides you know where sympathy is don't you? Right between shit and syphalis in the dictionary.

Regardless of how wonderfull he is SO ARE YOU!!!!!

Take those bad things back!!! Right now!!! and I sentence you to saying 1 gazillion good things about yourself in the next 10 minutes.

What does not kill you will only make you stronger (and it hurts like the deveil in the process!!)

Love ya...

March 14, 2000
7:54 am
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lost soul
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jaytong,

janes is right! don't put youself down. we all know how painful it is for you right now. But, he is not worth it.
Beside, like you said, you guys are together for only about 3 months and they are together for 3 years. I am sorry I have to mention this which probably you won't want to hear it.

Relationship is about two parties, not one. So, stop torturing yourself.

We mean well!

March 14, 2000
8:11 am
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Jaytong
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hi, Janes and lost soul, you're never a pain. I appreciate you a lot. But I got to get all those damn feelings out when I feel blue. Got to write it here, so they don't stay in my heart. It's annoying that didn't stop. but writing helps me to reason out. hope you guys don't mind, jt.

March 14, 2000
8:28 am
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Jaytong
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j and ls, I need you guys keep posting....I don't know, I feel light is somewhere out there.......but I can't grab it firmly.......need to keep searching.....

March 14, 2000
9:25 am
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lost soul
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Of course we don't mind my dear! we expressed so intensely because we feel for you.

It is very normal for you to feel but it takes a lot of courage for you to let it out. Like me, I am very poor in expressing my feelings. Sometime, I tried so hard to suppress it until it becomes physical problems ( upper shoulder pain ) Then I have to find way to release my stresses.

If you need to let it out. Let it out here my dear!

Hop you will feel better after letting those steams OFF!!!!

🙂

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