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Ma: What does Narcissitic Supply Mean
July 30, 2007
3:31 am
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_anonymous
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I was just curiouse what does narcissitic supply mean?

July 30, 2007
5:04 am
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Worried_Dad
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It is a neologism invented, I think by Sam Vaknin.

The idea is that an N "needs" affirmations or praise (or whatever) from outside himself to prop up his grandiose (yet fragile) self-image.

I personally believe that "narcissistic supply" is a not-very-helpful, pop-psychology, pseudo-scientific idea that actually completely misses the main point of what narcissism is all about.

July 30, 2007
5:06 am
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Worried_Dad
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In the Vaknin model, a person worth NPD is always searching for sources of "narcissistic supply." Basically, one way or another, he is fishing for compliments at all times.

July 30, 2007
6:54 am
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Matteo
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What is narcissism all about, according to you, WD?

July 30, 2007
8:47 pm
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_anonymous
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WD thank you for the explaination. I kept hearint the term but had no idea what it means. So its just someone trying to get a compliment.

July 30, 2007
8:54 pm
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Rasputin
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Destiny~

A NPD has a need for praise, compliments, affirmations and admiration in an EXCESSIVE way, as opposed to a normal way. We all need compliments, nice words and affirmations. Just wanted to clarify so that you don't get confused. 🙂

July 30, 2007
9:26 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Destiny,

Well, in the Vaknin model it could be a compliment or anything that reinforces the N's unrealistic picture of themselves.

July 30, 2007
9:53 pm
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Hi Matteo,

The Word Narcissism has three main meanings.

First, it is a popular term used to denote self-centeredness. America has been described as “narcissistic society for example.

Every human being is born into a state called “primary narcissism. To a newborn, everything really is all about them. Which makes sense because for the first 9 months of their lives they never met another human being.

We grow out of primary narcissism by learning to relate to other people—typically our mothers first. We hopefully learn that relationship allows us to get our needs met—that process of learning to trust is often described as the first developmental task of a human being.

Then there is the Narcissistic Personality disorder, which may or may not be a real disease.

In short, narcissists have a grandiose or exaggerated view of their own virtues, and they have an impaired capacity to feel empathy. Consequently, they treat people like shit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/N.....y_disorder

Personally, I (and some others) believe that it is the lack of empathy, the lack of conscience, and not grandiosity or excessive need for praise that is the signal hallmark of NPD. That also seems to be the most remarkable trait in antisocial personality disorder and in psychopathic personalities.

The misbehavior of people diagnosed with these disorders seems to always be traced to their lack of conscience, which results from lack of empathy. Which is why I suspect that NPD, and ASPD and Psychopathy are basically the same disorder.

I tend to believe that NPDs are psychopaths who like to brag, while antisocial personalities are psychopaths who make the mistake of getting caught doing bad things.

July 30, 2007
9:56 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Destiny, There are different types of N"s. Most of the minor N's have just the traits. It comes from childhood abuse. It is about building walls up inside to protect thy self. Everyone has these traits just like codependent traits................But abusive and bully types are very dangerous.....You I do not believe you fit this profile. This type will take without giving . Then think they deserve it. They do not care unless you are doing something for them. They are never wrong...They will also put you far down on a lower level just to make them selves feel better about about them....I have lived it and I could go on and on......It is horrifly to find out somebody is a true 100% N. Drugs one thing but a mental disorder plays hand and hand....because they self medicate. My friend Destiny, you can look up all the garden variety types of " N" s......But if you were that bad...your would never be here seeking help. A true "N" never sees them self as having a problem....horsefly

July 30, 2007
10:07 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Destiny, I was posting while W.D. was. He always explains things well..I trust him and always watch for his post...Thank You , W.D. horsefly

July 30, 2007
10:27 pm
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StronginHim77
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A narcissist is one of the B-cluster personality disorders (narcissism, borderline personality disorder and antisocial [or sociopathic] personality disorder). These are serious mental disorders. Of the three, only borderlines have any success in recovering some semblance of normalcy via medication and therapy.

Narcissists are deeply damaged souls. They have absolutely no ability to empathize with the feelings and needs of those around them. This is a "fear-based" disorder, in that narcissists fear that those around them will see beyond the "false personna" (false self) which they project to the world and see them for who they really are: the real self.

They are noted for arrogance, criticism, emotional unavailability, a desperate need to control others via blaming, "projection" and withholding of what the partner/loved one needs (be it finances, sex, affection, acceptance, etc.). People to them are simply objects, like toasters. We serve a need in their lives: we make them feel alive, admired, needed, superior, etc. When those close to them (spouse, children, co-workers, etc.) see beyond the facade and discern how flawed and imperfect these persons truly are, those people become the enemy who must be crushed, discarded and destroyed. The admiration, praise, servitude, etc. lavished on the narcissist by those whom he/she controls is called "narcissistic supply." When you are no longer able to provide the N with NS, you are simply devalued and discarded, like a piece of used tissue.

- Ma Strong

July 30, 2007
10:52 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Naturally , Ma Strong puts it in to words straight from the horse's mouth. Thank you , because you have lived it and know. See, I was his main narcissist supplier. This is me....his source. Geeshhh.....jeepers creepers......Thank God , I am over the shock, horsefly

July 30, 2007
11:16 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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I also would like to add ( for myself). I needed a reminder of this because I get chills all over me even now. I researched all of this along time ago and he still is scary in my dreams. I do mean scary...It still upsets me. I remember Garfield ( on this site) explained alot to me...But when I punched in Narcissist on google I find out more and could apply to my situation than I ever thought. I never could figure him out and now I just give up trying because it is so deep and not worth it.....I am more into figuring out why I was even caught in his web...Sincerely, horsefly

July 31, 2007
1:32 am
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_anonymous
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Rasputin- Thank you for clarifying the difference.

WD- I appreciate the time you took to provide such a detailed and accurate description. Yes it is the lack of empathy that makes these people so damaging to deal with. NPD and psychopaths do seem like one in the same. These types always treat people like shit another reason why they are so horrible to deal with.

horsefly- thank you for the explaination in user friendly terms. My husband is a bully. He is also dangerouse. He has done nothing but take and thinks he deserves it and point blank tells me that he gives me nothing because I dont deserve it he told me this on my birthday and at christmas. Every time he initiates a conversation he always asks me to do something for him. He insults me nonstop. I had a really bad nightmare about him. He was in the drivers seat, I could not see his face and I screamed "who are you?", "I hate men" and I started punching him then I said "Take me to my mother, Take me to my mother". Weird. I had other nightmares about him but I cannot recall right now. Like you I wonder what is wrong with me for getting involved and staying involved with him.

July 31, 2007
1:37 am
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I tend to believe that NPDs are psychopaths who like to brag, while antisocial personalities are psychopaths who make the mistake of getting caught doing bad things.

WD, that's really interesting. I think I might agree with you - ha, imagine that 😉

How about the terms 'psychopath' versus 'sociopath' -- do you see any functional difference in those, or is it just semantics??

July 31, 2007
1:58 am
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Ma- Thanks for responding to the thread. That fit my husband like a glove. Especially the lack of Empathy part. He never ever had empathy for me. He was controlling and criticised me non stop. He witheld all those things you mentioned.
That is why I know I cannot give him anything anymore. Not a letter not a collect call. Right now I dont even want to give him the time of day.

July 31, 2007
10:26 am
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StronginHim77
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There is a fundamental "line of division" between narcissists and sociopaths (antisocial personality disorder): narcissists are fear-based. Their deep fear? Being "found out" and abandoned/rejected. So, projection of the perfect, admirable, superior false self is their top priority. They measure their success in maintaining this projection via NS. They panic when NS is cut off.

A sociopath (antisocial personality) is not fear-based. Actually, they have no fear whatsoever or concerns, regarding what ANYONE thinks of them. As a result, they consider themselves above the law (prisons are packed with these people) and have absolutely no desire or need to "fake" empathy or go through the motions of "pretend sympathy" (or other human emotions), just to elicit NS. They don't need NS. They don't need ANYONE.

- Ma Strong

July 31, 2007
10:58 am
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Wow. That makes sense Ma. OK, I agree with you now.

I do think those tiny nuances and shades of difference are important for diagnostic clarity. Wrong diagnosis, wrong treatment. Thanks Ma.

July 31, 2007
10:59 am
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Matteo
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I agree with Ma. There is a big difference between a sociopath and a narcissist. As someone said,"narcissism is a failure of empathy, sociopathy is a failure of conscience." Blurring the differences between those two personality disorders doesn't benefit anyone, WD.

My mother is a narcissist, and she has plenty of conscience, but has the hardest time imagining that other people might feel and suffer just like she does. This is where her world gets two-dimensional. If she was a sociopath I imagine she would feel that she is above everyone and everything. She doesn't do that. She uses and manipulates to her advantage, but she knows that rules do apply also to her and sometimes she does reflect on her behaviour, that what she did wasn't right for others. If she was a sociopath she would think that it wasn't right because it didn't bring desirable results for her only, not because someone was affected in a negative way, which she cannot quite understand - she just knows it wasn't good. As a sociopath she would always feel good about herself, as a narcissist she feels good when others reflect to her how wonderful she is (NS) and is at her low if there is no one to admire her. Maybe a fine line, but I think very important one.

I read someone talking about sociopaths as "different breed of humans" who have no feelings like the rest of us do; narcissists are still "the same breed" of humans, only with incomplete, faulty personalities.

July 31, 2007
11:31 am
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Ma and Matteo- My husband burned this guy with a flare in an angry rage after they guy punched him in the face. Then my husband told the guy he was sorry (probably because he realized that he was on probation and could go back to jail). So he knew right away he did something that he might have to pay the consequences for. When he explained it to me he said well the guy was being sarcastic. He has no regard for another human beings suffering or feelings.

He does not care what anyone thinks. Doesnt take a bath for days on end. Lets his beard grow long and unruly. Wears only camaflouge pants and T-shirts with rips and tears in them. Digs in garbage cans right in front of people. Uses the bathroom outside. Walks around Naked. That type.

Loves to argue with officials. Loves to always have one toe over the line.

It is always about him. Only talks about his self. Manipulates to get what he wants. Uses everyone as a pawn to get what he wants. Has more sympathy for a stranger or a dog than he did for me or his kids or mine.

He actually found a fake ring smashed on the ground and handed it to me on Christmas right after he found it. When I told him it was junk and told him never to pass off as a gift something he found or worse yet got out of a garbage can. He became highly insulted and called me an ungratful B_ _ ch. But when it comes to himself he buys himself steaks to eat, 30 beers a day, $70 to get an animal out of the pound, new camping and fishing gear, etc.

One thing is for sure he had no empathy.

It is always about him. He never initiates a conversation, makes a call, or writes a letter unless the main theme is about what he wants me to do for him. If I ask him to do something for me I will get a vague responce like I dont know, I'll see, I'm not sure, it depends, etc.

July 31, 2007
11:32 am
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wasabi
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Destinystar*
i don't know you other then your post! But like someelse said! You would not be looking for support & reaching out to others with suport if you where narcisstic!
i learn alot from reading everyones posts! I'm sure now my husband is Narcisstic ! I will also have a horse soon to disapear on(can't wait)
My husband has held this from me for years.... an anything that brings me joy! You must be damaged from years of your husbands abuse! I know how hard it is ! My son is Bypolar my husband Narcisstic his family are crazy & Narcisstic..... My father & brother have issues too!
I'm glad you asked this question it makes more since now! Or at lease I have more info.... To deal with him! Clarity is Grand!
take care
Wasabi

July 31, 2007
12:48 pm
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_anonymous
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Wasabi- I am so happy to hear you will be getting a horse. Tell me all about it when you do. I dont know what I am. A sick one for sure. I have only been living with my husband since September of 2006. I was damaged before he came into my life. Cant blame him for that. He just put me into a constant combat mode. Always trying to protect myself. I came from a sick dysfunctional family. My father never calls me, we are ethnic (a very hated group) but he rejected me for marrying someone and having children from another ethnic group (makes no sense). My mother never calls me, she is only thinks about herself, and lives off of others. She is another chapter.

August 1, 2007
11:02 am
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wasabi
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D*Star
Now I'm talking to you on 2 threads cool! I've been obsessed with this site this week wanting to talk with you & some others! Missery loves company A? I put a down payment on a Paint Mare & her colt baby!
I haven't told my husband yet! He is building me a barn...duh! What kind of horse do you have ? Only one or do you have more? My freind just busted her hip in 4 places & had surgery ... He thinks I'm going to get hurt!Then who will do all the stuff I do for him!

My Father was a big mess too! He was in & out of jail for most of my life! He died a few years ago....We don't have to wonder where he is any more!
I have a good realationship with my Mom but now I live on the other side of the planet we never get to see each other! Just talk on the phone! My kids are growing & gone all the time & I'm stuck here !Alone most of the time,Bored to death! I also came from dysfunk! Now we function with-in dysfunfunction ..... I'm tring to re invent myself AGAIN! Who am I this week?

Well my new friend what do you want out of life.... can you break away , do you stay in the madness what can you do to make detinystar's life happy & full ! I found I am the only one that can make it better for me! I still have crap to deal with everyone does! But we have to stop & say HEY I'm not going to take this crap!
America is based on people coming from all over the world for FREEDOM it's so sad everyone can't be blind, kind & share the earth!
Take you freedom & run with it!
Do something that is in YOUR best intress! I have so much to do today but I want to piss off the day!
And do nothing......I wish!
Take care!
Be well not sick! Don't say bad things about yourself say good thing even if you don't feel that way say good things anyway it will change your mine about yourself! Think happy positive stuff!!!
WASABI.........Breath deep!

August 1, 2007
12:30 pm
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Wasabi- I have a pure bred grey egyptian Arabian 17 year old 14.2 hand mare. Then I can get out of the house go to the ranch and see her. She is gentle and calm enough for my kids to ride. She is the only thing in this world for me. I dont want to go through life denying my opportunity for enjoyment based on the fear I might get hurt. More of a chance getting killed in a car wreck or at the hands of an abusive man.
Yes there are days I said I will do nothing. And I have. But lately I do something. Yesterday finished unpaking and organizing the house. One day I paid my bills. Yesterday I went to Alanon. I have brochure from an adult school so I can take a nurse refresher course to brush up on my skills and get confidence to enter the work force and make real money.
My problem is I will spend some unproductive moments obsessing about how to handle my husband. No matter what I do I keep it in the back of my mind that maybe just maybe I will get over my addiction to him. That I will loose the desire to be around him.

August 1, 2007
12:36 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Dear Destiny, I am so happy to hear you have been doing well....Glad to hear you went to an alanon meeting. I have been keeping up with your story..I think you are handling things quite well...Whether you are aware of this or not. You do ask very intelligent questions....I have to admire you for that....Plus you are taking alot of action. Go Girl Go ! But even if you have the downs that is perfectly natural too....Just checking in with ya. Your friend, horsefly

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