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****MA STRONG****
November 9, 2006
12:59 pm
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StronginHim77
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Need -

Counting is FINE. I counted every day, till I got past the third month. GO FOR IT. Each day IS a victory for you.

How are you feeling today? And has he attempted to contact you?

- Ma

November 9, 2006
4:15 pm
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ggfred4
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ma,this is GG,,,I know about mich and can explain the thread I started...Today she is getting pampered so that is why she is not around...Tomorrow she has a long appt. with her counselor and they are considering inpatient care for her... If this happens, she wanted a post from us to take with her, so I started a thread...Please write her a note on that thread...I guess I should have explained it first, sorry...

I am so worried about her and know that she has a great counselor, but leaving her four kids has got to be heartwrenching...mich, needs our love and support now more than ever...thanks ma

November 9, 2006
5:02 pm
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needtoheal
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Hi Ma--

No he has not attempted to contact me at all since we last spoke last Saturday and I feel good about that. He may not even know that my cell phone has been changed.. He has not attempted to call the house..(which I never did get to block his phone calls because call blocking is not available in my area anymore)..

I am feeling ok.. tired.. I spent the night sleeping on the floor in the living room with my kids .. a mini-celebration. My yongest son, Jake, lost his tooth and so the tooth fairy had to come last night. GOod thing her ADD did not kick in and forget..!!lol
Tomorrow is his birthday.. he turns 7. and will be gone this weekend with his brother to be with their dad.
Went to work today for a few hours while the kids stayed with my parents. It was good to get out of the house..
I am feeling alright.. maybe I am just tired..
I do not have to work until tomorrow night so I get to spend time with the kids. We are going over to my parents house and join them and my niece and nephew for a birthday celebration before their father picks them up for the weekend..

thanks for asking about me and responding too. It means a lot to me during this difficult but much needed transition..

Ma-- I do not want to be sad or depressed because he chooses to no longer contact me.. I had been thinking about him before when I was watching the boys ride their bikes and felt lonely so HE popped into my head. I am sure he is thinking about me but only in respect that it is a loss for his ego...
I was worried that maybe feeling sad will come back again .. both you and Lovinglife (my sister) thought that maybe it would based apon your experiences. SO when I was thinking about him before I decided to think about all the mental games he had played with me and all the emotional abuse that I have suffered during the past 4 years.
thanks for reading and listening. I value your opinion and suggestions.

love,
NEEd

November 9, 2006
5:20 pm
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doubleloss
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need, just keep postin. I hope NC gets easier for you. It didn't for me. maybe it's difficult because i still see him on occassion but our exchanges are kept to hi and/or by, can't avoid it.

congrats for your son's bday, he must be excited about loosing a tooth! such a cute, tender age.

November 9, 2006
6:03 pm
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StronginHim77
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Need -

If you maintain strict No Contact, it does get easier. The only time I have a set-back is when I open the door to ANY contact with my ex. That's enough to pull me down emotionally for a couple of days.

Double -

I am pretty sure the reason you have gone thru such prolonged hell is because you still physically see/talk with the ex. That definitely makes it hard and "drags out the agony," if you follow me.

- Ma Strong

November 9, 2006
10:07 pm
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clownface
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Hi Need, Ma, Doubleloss~

Ma Strong is right. The only way to get thru this is STRICT NC. I just met with my counselor and I have made a commitment to go NC going ahead. I'm gonna need your support b/c withdraw overload is heading right at me. I have promised NOT to call him. It will take all that I have in me and more to adhere to this. PLEASE pray for me. I MUST do this for myself. He (Klunkhead) is only going to take me to a place that will be very unhealthy for me. I KNOW this. GOD, just help me to resist.

November 9, 2006
10:11 pm
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StronginHim77
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Clownface -

That's why we're here. When you feel yourself starting to crack, POST!

Love,

Ma Strong

November 9, 2006
10:22 pm
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clownface
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Ma~

You were right. Although we had a great weekend get-away.....NOTHING has changed and I am just prolonging the agony. I WANT to be done. I WANT to be healthy in mind, body and soul. I just wish I didn't get so dog-gone lonely. That is my biggest enemy.

November 9, 2006
11:15 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Ma, are you around? Dying inside...

November 9, 2006
11:34 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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November 10, 2006
8:15 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Ma,

I will look to see if you are around at all...I will be leaving here at about 12:30 my time today to go to the psychologists to determine what needs to be done...Please continue to pray for me, I could really use it today. Thanks from the bottom of my heart...

Mandy

November 10, 2006
9:31 am
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StronginHim77
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Scared -

I am right here.

November 10, 2006
9:32 am
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StronginHim77
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Mandy -

I will keep checking back this morning, to see if you post back.

Love,

Ma Strong

November 10, 2006
9:33 am
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StronginHim77
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Mandy -

When you post back, tell me what you are afraid of, if you can put it into words.

Love,

Ma

November 10, 2006
9:40 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Ma, I am so afraid that nobody there will truly care. I am afraid of being away from my sisters here. I am comfortable here. I am afraid from starting back over again. I am afraid of how much worse it has to get before it gets better. I want to see myself the way that everyone expressed in the letters that they wrote. I am just so scared...

November 10, 2006
9:52 am
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StronginHim77
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Mich -

We usually have to leave our "comfort zone" to get to a better place. Trust Jim and trust that God has a Plan to bring you peace and rest.

- Ma

November 10, 2006
11:49 am
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needtoheal
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MICH-- posted on our thread to you..

Ma-- well I caved last night and i felt so guilty in doing so...
He was so mad about me changing my cell phone number. I did not call him from the new number since he has caller Id.. I confessed to my sisters here and Cyndra and LL talked to me about it and I felt more comfortable in knowing that I am still continuing to grow...

THis is a difficult day for me because it is my son's birthday and he and his brother are going to their dad's for the weekend.. But I have plans to keep busy with work..
THen I have been thinking about MICH -- I am so proud of her and she is doing what she needs to do for herself right now.. I am also thinking about my other triplet, GG today so there is just a lot going on in my mind right now..

November 10, 2006
1:07 pm
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StronginHim77
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need -

Most of us have "up's" and "down's" in maintaining No Contact. So, just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and press forward. Today is a New Day. Probably, (if you are like the rest of us), the contact with him pulled you down, emotionally. It usually does. But you will climb back up again. Takes a couple of days for those negative, bad feelings to lift, but they WILL.

Don't beat yourself up. No Contact isn't about perfection. It is about working toward a goal. We take four steps forward, slip back a rung, then take four more. Each time, we get stronger and wiser.

You will be fine.

Love,

Ma Strong

November 10, 2006
4:41 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks Ma..

November 10, 2006
5:13 pm
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lalasgirl
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i'm learning from ya all. what a great ping-pong of thoughts here. i will take all your good advice and try to apply. inspiration for me has come from your helping each other. the cell phone i own needs to be under the pond because their is scum texting me on it. thanks.

November 10, 2006
11:02 pm
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needtoheal
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love it...lalasgirl!!!

I am so glad that i did change my
cell phone number.. This way I know that he will not contact me at all during the day and he also cannot text me anymore with I love you and miss you either.
I did it for myself too... less temptation for me because in the past when I have felt weak, I would be impulsive and call him or text him.. now I do not have a choice anymore..

It is a way of forcing myself to be unavailable.. and I can be more available to ME ...

November 11, 2006
3:31 pm
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snubby
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Ma Strong - you sure are strong and have it together! Have you always been a great listener and supporter? How do you remain so positive for everyone else?

November 11, 2006
5:23 pm
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StronginHim77
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snubby -

Nope. I have not always been a "great listener and supporter." In my youth, I was a totally, self-absorbed jerk. Truth. I was so emotionally damaged and wounded that I was incapable of caring for anyone else or their problems. I was consumed by my OWN.

I am not always strong. Many times, I have blown my policy of "No Contact" with my ex-fiance (a mentally ill man who dumped me with great harshness and NO warning last spring). I have had to struggle back to my emotional feet and re-initiate No Contact. Ain't always been easy. I am human, weak, codependent and prone to depression.

However, I pray alot. And I have found that getting involved in the struggles and problems of others takes my mind OFF myself. I now believe that the best cure for depression and self-pity is caring about others and realizing we are ALL having a rough time of it.

These threads are wonderful. I have formed many friendships here. The people are not hiding behind a mask, (like you find on dating websites or in public chat rooms.) These people are genuine. They tell it like it really is, pulling no punches. I think it does us all so much good to have a place to vent, to tell the truth about ourselves (without fear of judgment) and to reach out for help on embarassing and personal matters which we would be very reluctant to discuss or share with the people in our everyday lives.

Anonymity can be a real blessing.

Thanks for your kind remarks, though. I appreciate them. Have had a rough 24-hours, so you encouraged me more than you could ever know.

God bless -

Ma Strong

November 11, 2006
10:40 pm
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ggfred4
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ma, sorry you had a rough 24 hours...you are always there for so many people on this site...You are a real blessing here!!!...Hugs....GG

November 11, 2006
10:56 pm
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needtoheal
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Ma--
sorry to hear that you had a rough 24 hours... You are a true blessing and I want you to know that I do appreciate being there for me.. and all the others that you have supported here... love ya, NEED

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