Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
****MA STRONG****
October 27, 2006
9:42 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ma---

I just want to say thank you for all of your support and advice that you have given me..

I did do my "homework" assignment.. dredging up all those old feelings did help...

I am on day 6 NO CONTACT-- although I did have a setback yesterday.... but I responded without telling him how I felt nor did I tell him what I have been doing.

October 27, 2006
9:50 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

needtoheal -

You are doing great. No Contact has its "up's" and its "down's." If you were able to respond to him yesterday without giving him any input on your feelings or activities, you are doing great. That's pretty dogggone good for Day #6. Now, slam that door of contact shut again. No Contact will help you to recover faster and with less suffering. It will also help you to regain a "healthy" perspective on your entire relationship. The longer we are apart from these "crazy-making" men, the sooner we perceive how very, very sick they are. Which strengthens our resolve to move on without them and never look back.

I am really proud of you. You are nearly at the one week point. Another landmark!!!

Love,

Ma Strong

October 27, 2006
9:51 am
Avatar
feelingfree
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ma - I would also like to thank you for all the support and advice you have given me as well... it has always been right on the mark. You are an incredible lady and you are LOVED!

~ Needtoheal ~ CONGRATS ON 6 DAYS NC!

October 27, 2006
10:11 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks MA and feeling free for all of your input and aupport..

I really do agree that by having NO CONTACT it helps allieviate the fog that was looming,.. and once that the fog is gone, then we all are able to focus on ourselves...

I have made so much progress since not speaking to him since Saturday morning...

On Monday, MA, went to see my therapist.. WOndering if you can understand this....

I was telling her that last Friday (already one week ago), I was at work at night.. i changed my schedule so that I am busy with work while the kids are with their dad.... Anyway, I had not worked nights since I first was with this man.. so that was a trigger for me...

then after work , it was another trigger for me...

after work I drove past his house///

she said that I was in STALKING mode

so i explained to her that it was not like i was stalking him because
i was not looking to see whether or not he was home nor did i want to confront him at all....

she asked me what would I have done if i saw him... and i said that i just drove by..

so i continued to talk with her and described to her, that, for me, it was a sense of letting go.... a release.... because i would spend a lot of time over at his house ...

i told her that i understood that it was compulsive,,, and also impulsive (it was night time and my ADD tends to kick in )...

I told her that I self-talk and that I was telling myself that this was the very last time that I would drive by....

and so far that thought has not even entered my mind at all.....

I also notice that I am no longer reaching for the cell phone to see if he called or text.

last night i got a full night of rest...no waking up at 3-4am and staying awake

I am being more productive at home..

and putting a lot of effort in myself

I know that the reason why I chose these two men to have in my life is because i have had very low self-esteem

I recounted being abused at the age of 2nd grade.. (a friend of my brother ...) the reason why I knew that is because in my class picture I was wearing a terry cloth shirt and the threads are pulled on the outside where he used to grab for my breasts...

anyway, i also had a very controlling father and an overprotective mother...

my father saw something happen once with this "friend" of my brother and my dad did not do anything

my mother who was very overprotective of me ... did not believe me...

this went on for two years where my parents thought that I lied///

then a few years later my girlfriend was over and my brother and some friends were there..

well this "friend" was upstairs with my girlfriend .. trying to touch her...
so i ran and got my brother and he picked him up and threw him out of the house////

what does all of this have to do with my former husband and boyfriend??

the feeling of powerlessness

and by doing NO CONTACT I have realized that I do have the power to change what I can change///

I no longer have to be subjected to the abuse from this man... and if I remained in contact with him, that would only be another invitation for him to continue to control, manipulate me... and belittle me, and put me down......

BEEn there DOne that...

so there is a part of my HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT

and I think that I have come to the realization that when we want to face things within ourselves , we can...

we just have to have the motivation that something can change!!!

I think that when i was with the ex-boyfriend (the pond scum) , I would often explain myself over and over... and that NOTHING CHANGED>>>
THEREFORE I FELT POWERLESSNESS

DOes this all make sense,MA???

October 27, 2006
10:25 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

that is also the reason that i want to keep the door closed...

i know that i have the choice and that it is the right thing for me to do for MYSELF

and I think that he will continue to try to contact me but I have to be stoic about it.... and be so strong... because all he wants to do is control and manipulate me and also for his own selfish reasons: to "see" if i am not doing well without being around him anymore.....

and that is another reason why i had protected my boys... i did not want them to get attached to someone... and it be another loss for them... nor obviously i did not want this man to treat them the way in which he treated me ... he even treats his own mother with disrespect as well....

October 27, 2006
11:29 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MA---

I know that I am learning... because

otherwise there would be no personal

growth....

It has been exactly one month since this man was so darn rude to me the night that I had the funeral for my dad's best friend.....

I did not have a problem with him having something to do that night..

but it was the fact that he could not be empathetic towards me ... he was down-right rude and it seems to me that he was enjoying it as well....
and he was so vague..... that was the smokescreen..... he used to love to be so vague so that it would keep me off balance. and then revel in my negative reactions....

you are right.... he IS POND SCUM!!!

he is a predator... tying to lure me

back into his world...

and wants to know how i am doing

because he wants me to feel lonely and desperate./.

I DO NOT THINK SO>..

I had to go through this whole process of grief.... in order to let go and see things more clearly...

I feel so much better even in less than one week of not speaking to him...

thanks again MA!!!!

October 27, 2006
11:29 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MA---

I know that I am learning... because

otherwise there would be no personal

growth....

It has been exactly one month since this man was so darn rude to me the night that I had the funeral for my dad's best friend.....

I did not have a problem with him having something to do that night..

but it was the fact that he could not be empathetic towards me ... he was down-right rude and it seems to me that he was enjoying it as well....
and he was so vague..... that was the smokescreen..... he used to love to be so vague so that it would keep me off balance. and then revel in my negative reactions....

you are right.... he IS POND SCUM!!!

he is a predator... tying to lure me

back into his world...

and wants to know how i am doing

because he wants me to feel lonely and desperate./.

I DO NOT THINK SO>..

I had to go through this whole process of grief.... in order to let go and see things more clearly...

I feel so much better even in less than one week of not speaking to him...

thanks again MA!!!!

October 27, 2006
2:37 pm
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

bump

October 27, 2006
5:01 pm
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tonight is a "trigger" night for me....
--- kids go with their dad for the weekend

--- I am going into work once the kids leave and that will keep me busy for a few hours

--I made plans ahead so that when I get out of work I will not feel the trigger like I did last week to drive by his house or want to call or text him so I made plans to go home and take the puppy for a walk ... I will keep on walking until those feelings subside

--I am not too worried about it ... I just have to relax

thanks for reading and listening to me MA

October 27, 2006
5:46 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

need -

I am sorry that I was out all afternoon. The realtors were showing my house and I had to "vacate," until they were done. What a pain. Strong without her laptop is NOT a pretty sight. Talk about WITHDRAWAL!!!

Anyway, I have read all your postings.

I was kinda struck by the "stalking" thingee when you drove by. Heck...I did that a couple of times. On two different occasions, I drove around parking lots, looking to see which bar he was hanging in. Don't know why I did it. I did NOT want to run into him. I just wanted to see where he was hanging out. And this was after a couple of MONTHS of No Contact!!

Then, a month ago (nearly into 4 months of NC), I walked into the side entrance of one of my favorite bistros and the staff practically stampeded me out of there because the "ex" was at the bar and they are all very protective of me. So, they headed me off, before I could accidentally bump into him. Well, guess what I did next? Went to the new club next door, leaving my car parked VERY PROMINENTLY near his in the same parking lot and spent a good hour, talking with the owner, until I knew the "ex" had left and spotted my car outside. Just wanted somehow to let the creep know that I haven't curled up and died, just because he dumped me.

Childish and pointless maybe, but it made me feel better, so I did it.

We all do sillee things when it comes to "bending" the rules of No Contact. I unblocked the ex online, so that we could see one another, signing on and off. I did this for several weeks. Why? Because I wanted him constantly AWARE of me. Then, I reblocked him. Within 4 days, I got a stupid email from him. Nothing personal, just one of those things you forward to 12 friends? Generic thing. I did not respond. But I must admit feeling a twinge of satisfaction, knowing that he freaked when he couldn't see me online, anymore.

Guess I am trying to mess with his head which is very stupid, but wanted you to know this No Contact thing is NOT a "cakewalk." It takes real effort and discipline and we all do our best. It IS effective. In fact, it is the only way to take back the control of our lives from these toxic guys.

So, hang in there and keep up the good effort. You'll make it. We all "slip" at times, but get back on the wagon and stick it out. It DOES get easier, as time passes.

Love,

Ma Strong

October 27, 2006
5:47 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

feelingfree -

I was very touched by the kind note you wrote to me on this thread. Thank you for making an old(er) lady feel really good.

: )

- Ma

October 27, 2006
5:49 pm
Avatar
ScaredinMichigan
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just stopped by real quick to say hi to both of you and send my love. Need, there is still a spot on the couch if you need it later. Remember what I said, it is a virtual couch, we will always have room. Same with the afghan. Keep your chin up.

You are BOTH wonderful people.

October 27, 2006
11:36 pm
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks Ma .. please no need to apologize... thanks for reading this note (a long one at that ) and responding....

I did know about the night the parking lot incident... I did my homework and I read through the old postings of NO CONTACT..

You really have a lot of insight and you are very inspiring...

If you don't mind, I have been referring to HIM as POND SCUM now...

I did, however, give you credit when I mentioned the name on other threads..

MICH-- thanks for coming by and saying that I am welcome on the couch. That was so nice of you to invite me... YOu are very special too and I am glad that you read about my situation... to get to know me better and understand that I just want to heal..... along with a lot of us here.....

You are a very good mom, scared..
and I am also very supportive of you..and want the best for you and your children///

thanks all

October 27, 2006
11:40 pm
Avatar
ScaredinMichigan
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Need,

You will heal, you are in the right place. Probably good thing you weren't on the couch tonight much. I think it is a water-couch as opposed to a water bed. Of tears. But, I do want you to know that you are ALWAYS welcome.

Mich

October 27, 2006
11:45 pm
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks MICH -- just posted over there.. and I just want to say thank you for embracing and accepting me...

October 27, 2006
11:47 pm
Avatar
ScaredinMichigan
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ALways,

(((NEED)))

Scared

October 28, 2006
9:54 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

GOOD MORNING MA---

I opened my eyes and I had a huge smile on my face

*******one week*************

October 28, 2006
10:09 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Need -

One Week of No Contact!! Awesome. Now, be on your guard. Inevitably, he will make some shabby effort to contact you in some manner during the coming week. (They always do.)

Be prepared and DON'T RESPOND. In any way.

He is simply testing the waters to see if you have "come to your senses" yet. Keep Your Silence and Your Distance.

Love,

Ma

October 28, 2006
10:22 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks MA---

I am definitely on guard!!!

Thanks for the encouragement

I am so proud of myself, MA

When I was young and innocent, I felt so powerless...

Now I am not powerless...

I am in control of my own life

and that is all that matters

No more senseless ruminating over

HIM

but I have to be prepared for his plea

Maybe he got so mad when I sent that

text message about removing his

nickname from his text signature....

sees that as I have not changed...(or so he perceives it to be that way since I would not allow him to know how I was feeling or what i was doing)

I am strong

and thanks for being there for me

for the extra encouragement

You are an inspiration to me

Even though the boys are with their dad this weekend
I got home from work
and I felt great
no feeling of lonliness
or that empty feeling that i felt when i first purged the pond scum out of my system

I have the courage that I can confront my own fears ...

and that i am not powerless anymore

nor am I ever alone.....

because I have "met" you and others ..

You have shown me things

within myself

that I had never

seen before.

when evil-doers

tempted me

you quickly

encouraged me

to shut the door..

You have

been

what I

needed

most

for

you

have

been

my

friend.

thanks, MA

October 28, 2006
11:11 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

: )

There have been many people on these threads who have helped me get to where I am today...nearly 5 months of NC.

Love,

Ma

November 5, 2006
8:17 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just wanted to say hi Ma ...

Thank you for posting

THE TRUTH...

and CHOICES...

I have decided to move on, SHUT THE

DOOR AND KEEP IT CLOSED

your strength and wisdom continues to

motivate me.. and I thank you for

your honesty

I know that I can do this...

thanks for holding my hand along

the way... on my journey

through the grief process

and I am on my way to healing...

November 5, 2006
8:56 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Need -

If anyone had told me six months ago that I would be able to turn my "nightmare" (with the ex-fiance) into an experience which could encourage and bless others, I would have told them to blow it out their silk shorts. Literally. Because I was in so much pain and all I wanted was for our relationship to go back to what it had been in the beginning...when he was "idealizing" me and being to devoted to me.

Now, I can look back down the Time Tunnel and see that he was getting worse and worse...more and more abusive...and simply trying to "hoover" me back in whenever my self-preservation instincts kicked in and caused me to step back from him.

The decision to keep him out of my life, (despite all the tentative gestures he has made to reopen the door), has -- without a doubt -- saved my health, my sanity and my relationship with my children and close friends. (He was trying to keep me away from all of them...wanted me exclusively centered around HIM, 24/7).

I do not regret losing him from my life; I thank GOD for it. By losing him, I have regained My SELF...my LIFE.

Press on, my friend. You will feel the same way in 6 months.

Love,

Ma Stron

November 5, 2006
10:02 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It is so ironic

but I lost my cell phone

last night

November 5, 2006
10:20 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MA---

EVer read the book HOw to Break YOUr ADDiction to A PERson.. When --and Why-- LOVE DOesn't Work
by Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D

???

November 5, 2006
10:38 am
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

And Ma-- I find it utterly insulting
that pond scum said to me that he needs a break; a vacation-- and yet still wants to continue to talk with me.. said that he never said to me that he no longer wants me in his life...

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
45
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110907
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
819Zeed, odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer