Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Lying about his age, and not admitting it.
November 30, 2006
3:39 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The whole issue about lying about his age still complexes me. I mean if you look a lot younger than your age, you end up getting loads of compliments. So if you lie about your age and pretend you are younger than people are not going to compliment you as much because he does looks his age and so why say anything? He should feel rather pleased to look young for his age and instead compromises himself. So basically it comes with a price tag to lie.

You know it was bound to happen that you would talk to him. I think with a little time, it might have made you stronger and deal with it better on a different level than at the time he first lied to you. Looks to me like you came out of this whole thing a little wiser, and also be able to look at things differently for next time around.

I read this little book called The Present a while back. It is by the same author as Who Move My Cheese. there is much to learn from both of these short little reads. You can turn any situation in what you are going through and find something powerful out of it when reading the books. It would be good to have one of these books to have and keep and not to just borrow.

November 30, 2006
4:00 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes, I told him the same thing! I said, who cares what other people look like...be glad you are the age you are and still look good! He said...we'll I still think I want to be thirty-somethin if that' ok with you!

He's a mess.
But I cant help that I enjoy talking to him. I am leary and much more protective of my feelings however.

I know that I CANNOT control the outcome of our frienship. If it dies. It dies. It does not have to effect me so much if it does.

December 4, 2006
2:22 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OK, so we've been talking over the past week or so...and things have been ok....but he said something today..that just hit me hard...

He said, "I dont have a lot of close friends...I dont get buddy buddy with anyone...I dont want any straight friends because they might find out I'm gay...and I dont want any gay friends because they might hit on me...."

and I"m thinking...where does that leave me?? and especially if we do meet in person....?

This man has put up such a front to conceal his sexuality...but he'd rather not have straight friends because he doesnt want to hide it or have them find out....and he doesnt want gay friends because he's afraid of them hitting on him??

But yet he want to talk to me. On the phone. I am just an outlet for him. At least that is the way I see it. I was strong and didnt contact him for 2 months, and he contacted me. Said he missed talkin to me.

So I know I have to stop thinkin about him in a way that makes me feel more....he will never be more to me....probably will never meet him....

so how to I break this talking to him? without making him mad at me?

December 4, 2006
2:47 pm
Avatar
gayle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MissNhim- not to sound harsh but if he is someone that you will never meet, why does it matter if he gets mad if you stop talking to him. He is not a part of your life where you live. I don't want to say he's not a part of your real life because its all your real life, it just that you can't run into him at the store or while walking down the street. Its ok if he gets mad, you have to take care of yourself first. Don't forget that, take care of you and don't let a friendship or a relationship hurt you to make the other person happy. It doesn't seem he is ready for a relationship if he can't be honest with himself about who he is and his sexuality. He seems to be afraid of being himself and the fact that you aren't is probably attractive to him. Don't let him use you! Take care! (((HUGS)))A.

December 4, 2006
2:54 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

so should I just not say anything to him, and just stop answering? I would like to be honest and tell him how I feel...but I'm not sure how he'd react to that....he'd probably think I was a nut or something....

December 4, 2006
3:14 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'd hate to bring this up, being you know me, but if he is telling you he has very few friends, most likely it is because he cannot keep them or cannot be honest with them. He probably scares them away with his personality. He cannot seem to be open enough for even a friendship and hiding either behind a computer or a phone can probably make him feel more powerful. He is not healthy enough for a real friendship and especially for a relationship. The longer you go with this the more unhealthy it will become and or you could become by staying active in it. You cannot please everyone in life, and you need to do what is best for you. Even if sometimes in life we do something that may hurt them but let him deal with his own feelings. In the long run it is better to get out now then then to stay in something that probably won't go anywhere and you need someone you can be comfortable with. It is clear he is uncomfortable with himself and also with you. It is better to be open and honest but don't expect it return with him based on his past experience. Don't worry about what he thinks about you. You cannot assume how a person can react. It is more important to be yourself and do best for yourself. If you want him to be honest, you also have to be honest too.

December 4, 2006
3:15 pm
Avatar
gayle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Do what feels right to you. If you want to explain to him how you are feeling then do it, if you would rather not then don't. Go with your gut. I can't answer that for you, Sorry:) You are worthy of a man to want to be with you and love you for who you are and for you to love him for who he is. Not a man that lies to himself and everyone else about who he is. There is nothing wrong with you wanting more. You seem like a nice man that just wants to be in a honest relationship with someone. Take care of you! ((HUGS)) A.

December 4, 2006
3:17 pm
Avatar
gayle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Taj- I couldn't have said that any better! 🙂

December 4, 2006
3:25 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TAJ--thanks for responding...not sure why you thought you shouldnt....:)

Gayle, thank you as well.

Part of me thinks I should tell him..that I dont think he's lookin for the same thing I am....and that I really like him..but I cant be fooling myself thinkin this is goin to go somwehere.....so I just need to know are we just going to be phone friends and that is all...

I know he likes me otherwise he wouldnt have contacted me 2 months later.....but I just dont know HOW much he likes me and in what way....

is it just the fact that he missed talking to his "outlet" or did he miss talking to Me? I think it's both....but I cant keep being his outlet if I have feelings.....I dont want to have these feeling......and I dont want for him to get mad at me...and I do want to stay in contact with him as friends do......but this is too much talking....it's not helping me.

December 4, 2006
3:29 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

and everyone knows how the old game goes...especially with gay men....if you act like you have feelings and really care....then its' a turn off to them.....and if you act like you dont give a crap...then it keeps them interested.....

and if I'm honest....it will turn him off....

December 4, 2006
3:33 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

He said, "I dont have a lot of close friends...I dont get buddy buddy with anyone...I dont want any straight friends because they might find out I'm gay...and I dont want any gay friends because they might hit on me...."

and I"m thinking...where does that leave me?? and especially if we do meet in person....?

Miss, after him saying that, what makes you think you are going to meet him in person?????

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

December 4, 2006
3:35 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

yeh..that's just it...I dont think I ever will....not unless HE wants to. The last time I brought it up..he made all these excuses why it would be awkward and yada yada....

December 4, 2006
3:38 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think all it's ever going to be is a phone friendship and if you can handle just that, then keep answering and calling him. But if you want more with this man, you are denying yourself happiness because you will be giving to much to someone over the phone instead of putting all that energy and emotions into someone who can be present and available to you in person.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

December 5, 2006
10:27 am
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

we havent talked since yesterday at lunch....

I'm tryin not to feel depressed about it.

December 5, 2006
12:18 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sometimes I get the anxiety feeling when I havent heard from him in a while...and I start thinking is he made at me or something...and I'm doing in now...although I can think of no good reason for him to be mad....yesterday when we talked he said his mom was ringing in on the other line and I just said, 'later'...and hung up.....

I know I should be glad he doesnt call me anymore....

December 5, 2006
12:40 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Be glad. Be aware that your unhealthy feelings come out when you do not get a response out of him. The longer you go, without responding the easier it gets. And you won't feel anxious. He is not good for you, these anxious feelings tell you this. Of course you are disappointed but that is always going to be the case with this man. You are setting yourself up each time. Treat yourself better, and know you deserve better than this.

December 5, 2006
12:53 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know I do! And I tell myself that I deserve better than to be involved with someone who doesnt even know what he wants....and is not willing to meet me in person.

And I dont want to bring up meeting him anymore..because I dont want to appear desparate to meet him.

December 5, 2006
1:32 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I had been taking wellbutrin for 3 years..but it wasnt doing much for helping with anxiety and depression. I started taking Lexapro a little over a month ago...and I think it is helping.....I dont feel as down and the anxiety is not as strong.....

I dont want to take these meds forever...I hope to get off them this summer...

December 5, 2006
1:39 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

you survived the previous 2 months of no contact with him, do that again. He is not good for you and you do seem to be drawn downward emotionaly when you don't get the response you are expecting.
So he hasn't called you since yesterday at lunch, you will have to accept that many times this is going to happen with this guy, do you want to keep feeling depressed by him? That is what you need to ask yourself, do you want to live with constant feelings of depression and always feeling anxious or do you want more peece in your life?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

December 5, 2006
2:00 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I do want more peace. I really do.
I just have to let go of ANY idea of having a REAL friendship in person with him...it's not going to happen.

December 5, 2006
2:47 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I felt that way from trying to separate myself from a person I knew was not good for me. I took Lexipro and also something to help sleep. It helped me. But really time was the best answer because in time I did not need the medicine. The first few months were the hardest. But I had to fight the urge and also deal with my anxiety. It was not easy to let go. It was very depressing. Even still I get rather depressed. But I do not suffer the anxiety nor do I feel the urge to contact him. I knew inside that every time I had made contact with him, it hurt me. And all for what a little bit of what i thought was happiness. It was not worth the pain of it. I still struggle with it yet i know it is for the best. This man will only end up hurting you. And accepting that you need to stay away, that he cannot/does not want anything special with you really is a first step. It is very hard, because of your feelings, and feelings of abandonment. They do fade though. Try to focus on positive aspects of your life. You have come a long way since you first came onto the site. And you will also grow even more. I have actually been attached to a few people, select people but it has happened. I thought the first one was hard but I really fell so hard for that last one, because he too claimed he fell for me. It was hard to really give up something when I never really had it in the first place. I was quite sad for long time. You have to make the best of what you do have and remember what a good person you are and have a lot to offer to someone who will enjoy the qualities you do have, it will take time and only when you stop focusing on this man you never have really met. It is really just something and someone you think you want and the idea of it rather than what it really is. It is rather hard but you will feel better as time goes by.

December 5, 2006
3:34 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

it IS hard....
I havent heard from him all day.....and got the feeling I wont....
but not sure why....or nor should I care! the guy is a mess......and I"m better off without talkin to him...

but why do I miss him so much when Im' not talkin to him? why do I feel so connected to him?

December 5, 2006
4:00 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Who really knows why we get so attached to someone we know is not right. I definately miss talking to my ex. It was my favorite thing to do. But with it came grief because he was not available and he too was a mess. It could be that awful, what you cannot have syndrome. I simply think it is becoming too attached to a person. It is not the relationship you are addicted to, it is the person. Like any addiction, you crave it even though you know it is bad for you. I had liked the sound of my ex's voice. Like no other, I responded but I also felt very bad at times. the more he pushed away, the more hurt I felt. A person that really loves you and wants to be with you, does not push you away. I still miss him at times but I do not miss the pain of it.

December 5, 2006
4:40 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes, I love hearin his voice very much....more than any other....but that is all I get with him...just a voice, and I want to actually see and touch him....but I cant.

December 5, 2006
4:52 pm
Avatar
MissNhimnotWantN2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
100sp_Permalink sp_Print

sorry guys..Im just venting here...

I just got this overwhelming sense of anxiety thinking that he is mad at me or something....and that's why he hasnt called today....but there really is no reason for him to be mad....unless he thoughtt I was mad when I hung up the phone yesterday when he said his mom was callin in.....I just said, "later' and hung up....but that's not a big deal....there's been plenty of times when he's done that to me......

I guess I'm just freakin over nothing.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
29
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111147
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
mamahanisha, joachimfreunde, Deressamble, Neakey, ronaldcarter, Andrewank
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information