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lust versus love
October 9, 2004
4:55 pm
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wallace
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How can you tell lust from love?

October 9, 2004
5:06 pm
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dire straits
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lust: pleasure, delight, usu. intense sexual desire,craving

love: affection based on admiration or benevolence,unselfish concern that freely accepts another in loyalty and seeks his or her good

October 9, 2004
8:31 pm
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SweetAmanda
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Yeah...Usually the only way to tell the difference is with lots of time. Oh, and some problems too. *lol*

Love is when you care deeply for someone, and want what is best for them, above and beyond yourself. It is changing thoughts: Instead of "She makes me feel so safe" Love is when you think "I want her to feel safe with me". Love isn't focused on oneself. It means that if you cannot give to them what they need, Love is when you realize that, you let them go. Though it hurts, it is best.

Lust is the feelings (tummy butterflies, blushing, etc.) involved. Lust is not bad. *wink* (I like it!) hehe But lots of people confuse the two. Lust however, does go through waves of change...It may be strong in the beginning, then die down for a while. This can be scary. Then add children, the pressures of money and emotions to the mix, and loss of lust is horrible! Especially if it turns out that there is no true love in the relationship.

Please make sure you find out. (If that's why you were asking) *hugs* True love, along with lusting after that person...WOW! That would be the best thing EVER! =) Maybe we can all someday find that? ~Amanda~

October 10, 2004
10:10 am
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CAMER
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to me love has feelings and emotions as opposed to LUST, lust to me is just pure sex....mmmm!, nothing much else, no feeling involved etc.

October 10, 2004
11:48 am
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Worried_Dad
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Love is not a feeling.

October 10, 2004
1:13 pm
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workinonit
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Yo worried dad, what's up with that?

Love is certainly a feeling other wise you could see it, touch it, taste it or smell it. Lust is also a feeling but obviously comes from a different area!!!

Both are great in the right place and time.

October 10, 2004
1:44 pm
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bkc
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I think you can't tell the difference at first. Just wait and see.

October 10, 2004
1:47 pm
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workinonit
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bkc,LOL...Oh I hear that! But, now I know when it is lust. I wake up in the morning saying, what the hell are you still doing here? LOL

October 10, 2004
1:52 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Workinonit,

I guess I mean that in the Scott Peck "The Road Less Traveled" sense of the word. Peck differentiates between cathexis, which is a positive feeling we have about someone or something, and LOVE, which is an attitude and a value made real by action. I "love" my guitar. I "love" being flattered.

The "love" we feel towards someone we are dating is a feeling. It is how we actually treat each other that constitutes love. So many batterers claim to "love" their victims. ANd they may actually have some squishy, happy feelings inside about their victims. But they are not truly "loving" them, not behaving in a loving way.

So to me "love" is an internal state denoting a pattern of behavior. That is different than a feeling that can change depending on the amount of sleep I have had, etc.

LUST on the other hand is strictly an appetitive emotion.

October 10, 2004
2:00 pm
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workinonit
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But, if the pattern of behavior is warped from the get go how can love be defined? For that matter, since we are all the sum total of our life experiences, do any of us have the same perception of love?

At least lust is universal!!!!

October 10, 2004
2:06 pm
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Worried_Dad
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I think each of us knows when someone is behaving in a loving way towards us.

October 10, 2004
2:16 pm
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workinonit
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I thought that before too worried dad. Maybe it's myself I shouldn't trust.

I've always trusted too much. I never see the forest for the trees. Now that I am living alone for the first time since leaving my parents home when married at 19, I am finally looking to the reasons for my unfortunate relationships. I do not feel sorry for myself though. I loved each one and gained valuable life lessons from each. Not to mention the three wonderful kids I have with my first ex.

Knowing love when it comes along is something I hope to be able to do sooner than later.

October 10, 2004
2:50 pm
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workinonit
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free, what does this mean?

October 10, 2004
7:58 pm
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SweetAmanda
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Worried Dad,

That's what I think too about love...I don't think it is a feeling either. =) I believe that it's a choice. ~Amanda~

October 14, 2004
3:19 am
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wallace
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He thanks me for great sex at the end of an evening. Is that lust or love? I know it's good to thank someone for a nice time, but that makes me feel strange. Any thoughts?

October 14, 2004
4:55 am
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silence
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It doesn't matter to me because I'm not getting either one. It seems to me like you guys are nit-picking on this one.

October 14, 2004
9:34 am
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Anonymous
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Wallace,

While that is nice, my question would be what else does he do for you? You know, little things like helping with dinner, dishes...

October 15, 2004
12:05 am
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SweetAmanda
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Well, I would rather have no sex ever, and have real love instead. *Sigh*

But yeah, I get the post-sex 'compliments' too. He also swears that he loves me...He says it too much as a matter of fact. (Makes me think he doesn't mean it!) Or at least doesn't know what the hell it is! *LOL* ~Amanda~

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