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.........lovingmom..................**
November 6, 2006
6:52 pm
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needtoheal
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Dear lovingmom---

please do not feel that you were butting in on the other thread.. I am so glad that you posted.. and thanks for your support too..

I have been thinking about you too..

I don't know if I ever asked you this but did you ever read the book:

How to Break Your Addiction to A Person
by Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D??

It is a great book....

I do feel that I am becoming stronger..

Did you read on the NO CONTACT thread that Ma Strong posted a few days ago to me about the truth and the choices that I have... Well, I did make the choice finally to let go of him... and I honestly know that this is the best decision for me...

When a person is ready to detach and let go... then it will happen...

November 6, 2006
6:53 pm
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needtoheal
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HOw are you doing?

November 6, 2006
7:04 pm
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needtoheal
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I had NO CONTACT for 6 days and then

caved...

Then I continued to keep in contact

with him from Saturday October 28th

until this past Saturday November 4th.

It got to be so bad that the last conversation, if you could even call it that, he called the house and hung up... so I texted him "what the F--K do you want from me anymore" and then I called him and asked him "Are you trying to F--K with my head?"

He was caught off guard because I never curse..

ANd he said that he was going to play his game on the cell phone and dialed my phone number and then he hung up right away after realizing this. (My number was probably the last number received)..

He said "you know that I would not do that"

and I said "well, when someone says that the do not want any type of relationship and yet tells me that they miss me and know that he loves me..." He said that he never told me that he wants me out of his life, and that we can talk... what an insult..right?

and then I told him that he has no idea how much this hurts me...
and how that was the same thing that my ex-husband did with me too.. did not want me but still was unable to let go (and he knew that because he came into my life when I was separated and in the process of divorce)

HE said "sorry"

and I said "for?" so that I could hear what he had to say and if it had to do with anything specific about how his behavior and hurt me..

and he said "sorry that I've hurt you"
and he said that he had to go and he will talk to me later... and he hung up..

and we have not talked since...

so I changed the cell phone number so that he will not be able to text me anymore or call and leave voice messages saying how much he loves me and misses me..

November 6, 2006
7:10 pm
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lovingmom
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So, maybe "Sorry that I've hurt you" was enough for you, do you think? I don't envy your situation one bit, but I'm glad to see that you're growing and becoming stronger. Hopefully one day you can look back and say, "Wow, I learned so much." Not that you'll be glad you went through all of this, but maybe it won't be so painful some day.

Me, I'm doing ok. I posted a bunch of stuff on "How would you deal with this "dilemma"?" about my sister coming to visit and how it upsets my husband to have anything out of the norm happen. Just venting really. I'm so tired of going round and round with him, but also tired of hearing myself complain about it all the time. I need to get my butt in gear and do something. Like I said, probably after the first of the year I'll be making some BIG decisions and hopefully by then I'll be a little stronger.

Thanks for asking about me. What a sweetheart you are.

November 6, 2006
7:14 pm
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lovingmom
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Oh, and no, I haven't read the book, but it definitely looks like something I need. I do believe I am addicted to him, addicted to pleasing him, addicted to making his life just right and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to totally break that addiction. I'll look into it for sure.

November 6, 2006
7:38 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks..

I know that I did get A LOT out of this relationship...

I think that he did serve a purpose in my life--
something very positive--
I have learned that I will NEVER tolerate any more abuse... verbal or emotional

and I also learned that I do not NEED someone just because I feel lonely... I am NEVER alone..

I have made friends here at this website//

and I thank you for giving me the support ...

I know that this might not be the end

but it sure does make sure that I do

not have to go through so much anxiety
because I now know that he will never be able to call my cell phone again

He used to call me all the time

He almost lost two jobs because he was calling me all the time

the first job that he had the boss gave him a cell phone and even though it was network to network, and minutes free, he used 1000 hours and when the boss saw this he flipped and fired him on the spot..

then when he got his current job, he was using the office phone to call me when he could.. well, finally someone approached him and warned him that he can no longer call me because it shows up on the phone bill..

then he got his cell phone in april and things never were the same..
he would call me every morning, before I went to work, asked me to call on my break, then asked me to call after work, call in between job sites, then call after he was done with work, before he went bowling and after bowling, and every night before bed...
It was too much..

Anyway, I could never please him at all and he was too selfish..

Enough was enough...

thanks for listening..

and I hope that things get better for you as well....

November 6, 2006
7:38 pm
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needtoheal
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and loving... my children can care less if they ever see him again....

November 6, 2006
7:48 pm
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lovingmom
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So happy for you, that you are able to put him to rest and move on for you and your kids. Thank God you didn't let him get to close to them. You sound wonderful, so full of hope and you have that drive you need to move forward. No more pond scum, no more pond scum, no more pond scum!!!! YEA!!

November 6, 2006
7:52 pm
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lovingmom
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It's almost like he attached himself to you and started to suck the life out of you, does that sound about right? I know that feeling well. All of my energy goes into making my husband happy and I can't ever seen to do quite enuogh. I can't say enough how happy I am for you. Hold your head high, you've done a great thing!!

November 6, 2006
8:09 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks Lovingmom--

He sure did suck the life out of me ...

And then I did the same... When he started to reject me, like the time when I had the funeral for my dad's best friend, he was not there for me at all... and had no empathy... and twisted it around so that it was my fault.. and after that night, I was trying to cling to him ...

but now I have let it all go...

and I hope that he gets the message because I did forewarn him that I no longer wanted him to be in my life...

He knows.. I did the same with my ex-husband... I shut the door to him as well .. it took me about a year and a half but I served him with divorce papers after HE walked out... and he was SHOCKED....

Thanks

NO MORE POND SCUM....

November 6, 2006
10:30 pm
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needtoheal
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Like Ma Stong said to me , when he does try to call., he will get the most profound wake up call of his life!!!

I have already prepared myself at work if he shows up there...
I will remove myself until he leaves .

and I have also prepared myself if he shows up when I am bowling...
There are friends there that will ask him to leave...

My children are going through a difficult time with their dad and his relationship with his girlfriend and her two sons..

I want them to see that I can be happy by myself.
My oldest already noticed that I work when they go to their dad's house. That is good for them to see. I do not want them to feel sorry for me nor do I want them to think that a person has to be with someone in order to be happy..

Yes, I am proud that I kept the POND SCUM at arms length...

Enjoy your night and hope that all is well with you and your family..

Keep in touch

November 7, 2006
9:13 am
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lovingmom
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I think once he realizes he can't contact you by phone, he'll get the picture. Let's hope so anyway. I'll say a prayer for your kids, that they'll get through the troubles with their dad and his gf. You being their strength is what will get them through. Have a wonderful day and you keep in touch too.

November 7, 2006
5:15 pm
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Hi lovingmom---

thanks.. How are you doing? I hope that you had a good day...

I think that pond scum will get the picture once he knows that he can no longer be in contact with me.. the reality that I have cut the ties since he only wanted a "break" and "vacation" and never did say that he no longer wanted me in his life..please..

Day 3-- I am feeling so much better.. I know that there will be ups and downs but it is a day at a time for me right now.

I had a nice conversation with the boys last night before bed. We do what is called a "Feelings Wheel" where we each talk about how we feel and share our thoughts and feelings.. Last night the boys both said that it was good that I broke up with HIM because their father and his girlfriend will no longer BOTHER them with asking questions... Poor things.. Can't believe (well, actually I can believe) that my ex-H and his girlfriend are THAT occupied with my life...
Take care

thinking of you
NEED

November 7, 2006
5:41 pm
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needtoheal
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Just thought about something.. the longest that HE has gone without contacting me is 5 days.. so I should still be prepared...??

I hate having to think about him...

November 7, 2006
5:50 pm
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lovingmom
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Need - Maybe their (ex-H and gf) preoccupation with your life is their way of not dealing with their own "stuff". How sad, how sad indeed. Your boys sound great though. Doesn't it amaze you how much our young children really know? They are so smart and they absorb so much, just amazes me sometimes.

I'm sure he'll TRY to contact you. It's great that you're prepared in all aspects of your life, though. I think you'll be fine. You're sounding strong and determined!! Just think, you used up so much of your time and energy while he was in your life just trying to keep him happy and once you don't have to work so hard to keep him out of your life you'll be able to use all of that extra energy toward something else more productive and more positive in your life. How exciting, something to look forward to.

November 7, 2006
6:48 pm
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needtoheal
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You are absolutely right lovingmom...

I have indeed been able to take time

to focus and take care of MYSELF..

It was a pleasure to get up this morning and get the boys off to school and then get ready for work without HIM calling me.. and without having anxiety of wondering if HE would call me...

Their father and his girlfriend do seem to be preoccupied with my life and you are right, they are probably doing that so that they do not have to deal with their own STUFF....

I do not think that he has let go of me.. not that he (meaning pond scum#1) the ex-husband... is still in love with me.. but he still holds onto a lot of anger and resentment from the divorce..

He left the relationship but he did not want to get divorced.. BUt I was the one who ended it with him by filing for divorce..

POnd SCum #2 was my crutch...
sorry I know that I am probably repeating myself..

wow-- can't believe that I am counting pond scum now... I do NOT want to even MEET POND SCUM #3....

lol

So i guess I am a strong woman because it took a lot of courage to end things with their father and even the pond scum boyfriend..

I was married for over 10 years when I had filed for divorce...

thanks for posting your thoughts

thinking of you

love,
need

November 8, 2006
9:54 am
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lovingmom
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Need - Glad to hear you're still doing good. Hope today is as good for you.

I don't mean to sound horrible here, but I think I'm going to take a break from posting on this site for a while. I have learned so much from so many people here and have loved to read the stories, hear the advice and just bond with all of these great people, you included. I just need to focus on ME for a while and when I come here I focus on my husband and how badly he treats me. I just had this thought when I woke up this morning. I'm giving all of my energy to his problems and why he says and does what he does (kind of the same thing I said about you and pond scum) and forgetting about how much work I need to do on me. I hope this makes sense. You have been a great friend and so have a lot of people here. I will keep reading to make sure you're doing well. Keep posting on this thread to me if you have the time, I'd love to hear about your progress. I'll even respond so you know I am listening. I will check back in when I am doing something more positive in my life. Keep being strong and keep working on you!! You can get through this, I know you can. Take care.

November 8, 2006
4:55 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks lovingmom -- and trust me, I do understand.. We do need to take time for ourselves..

If you ever want to talk, post...

I will always be here for you --

to listen and support you ...

love,
need

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