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Loved for so long now its over
December 17, 2004
3:00 am
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Hurting in the Capital
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Hi, I've never used this before so I'm a little nervous. I loved this woman for 9 years and now she is leaving me. I have loved her for a third of my life. She says that she doesn't love me romantically, that she can't see us walking down the aisle together and that she needs to move on. I've never loved anyone before her and now that its ending it is tearing me apart. I am so crushed, I've never felt this awful before in my life. I gave her everything I had. I moved from Vancouver last year to be with her in Canada's capital. I gave up everything back home just to be with her. I've always given in this relationship and I've never asked for anything, I did all the chores, the cooking on top of moving 5000km to be with her. I am in just so much pain, it hurts all the time. I've never been through this before and its the worse feeling in the world. I'll be moving out in January.

December 17, 2004
3:32 am
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cityflyer
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HITC,

Welcome to the site! I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting. I am going through a similar moment. i had been with my g/f for 9 years too, just over a third of my life too. I had never loved anyone as I had loved her. But that ended up going to the extreme, that my life ewas worthless without her in it, that NEED for love from her, the fact that my self love and confidence was behind her´s....and to some extent still is. Something I am conscious of and need to work on after years and years of neglect. I think giving all and doing all is an imbalance. I experienced that in the relationship to some extent. There has to be a happy medium of give and take. You have given up a lot to move and be with her.

I understand your pain and grief and please look after you, take care of yourself, give yourself a big hug in the knowledge that this will pass in time.

City

December 17, 2004
6:57 am
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opal
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there is nothing I can say that will take away you pain, though I wish I could.

things happen in our lives that we can not change and the feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming, it is a struggle to not feel like you have lost everything, but realize you can and will move on from this moment.

you may not be the same as you were before, but we all change with what occurs in our lives, anger, hurt, pain and frustration are all part of the healing process, don't expect too much from yourself too soon, give yourself the time that is necessary to heal.

December 17, 2004
6:58 am
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CAMER
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i agree with Cityflyer....hurting...did she ever say "why" she wants to leave and why she cannot see you walking down the isle...there has to be more to this story..please keep venting, and we will be here to give you as much support as possible...give yourself a ((((hug)))) for taking the 1st step and opening up.

December 17, 2004
8:44 am
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wireless_tech
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Hey Hurting,

I know how you feel. I went through similar stuff, although I was only with her for just over two years. I did give her everything, lived my life for her and lived her life for her at the same time. I sold my house last year and moved us 1500 miles away to where she wanted to live. I loved her like Ive never loved anyone in my life. I was doing everything for her and I expected nothing in return except love, respect, and loyalty. I didnt get it. Now in retrospect, I know the whole thing was wrong, and unhealthy as all hell.

It feels like the end of the world, but Im telling you its not. It does get better with time. Keep posting here. You will find a LOT of excellent advice here. Im not sure how I would have gotten through it if not for this site.

Good luck, buddy. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

- wireless

December 21, 2004
8:46 am
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Hurting in the Capital
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No she didn't say why she can't see us walking down the aisle or why she doesn't feel this way about me. I guess she just doesn't feel this way. I'm really not sure and I don't think she is sure either, its all very intangible. Do you think counselling would be a good thing for us? I go through so much up and down these days, sometimes good and sometimes bad, we still live together and still love so much but there is something missing and something we can't go back to. There is a part of me that wants to just move out and get this over with but I just don't have the energy or stability right now to do so.

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