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love VS toxic love
September 10, 2008
11:09 pm
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marypoppins
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this is an excerpt of an article by Robert Burney from the following website:

http://www.silcom.com/~joy2meu.....ndent2.htm

"Here is a short list of the characteristics of Love vs. toxic love

(compiled with the help of the work of Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski.)

1. Love - Development of self first priority.

Toxic love - Obsession with relationship.

2. Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.

Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)

3. Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.

Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

4. Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.

Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

5. Love - Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)

Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."

6. Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.

Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

7. Love - Embracing of each other's individuality.

Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.

8. Love - Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.

Toxic love - Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.

9. Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.

Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10. Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)

Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)

11. Love - Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.

Toxic love - Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.

12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone.

Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.

13. Love - Cycle of comfort and contentment.

Toxic love - Cycle of pain and despair."

September 10, 2008
11:14 pm
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autumn128
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(((((Mary)))))

Thanks for this thread. Very interesting.

Autumn

September 10, 2008
11:15 pm
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marypoppins
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((((Autumn))))

Sending happy thoughts your way...

Mary

September 10, 2008
11:19 pm
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autumn128
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(((((Mary)))))

Thanks. How are you doing? What is new with you?

Autumn

September 10, 2008
11:22 pm
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PreciousG
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(((Mary))))

Thank you for this thread. I have been in search for this type of information. Gives much understanding where much was missing.

I feel so fortunate to have found this site while you are still around.

Precious

September 10, 2008
11:35 pm
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marypoppins
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(((((Autumn))))) and (((((PreciousG)))))

Hey Ladies,

I was going to turn in and then started reading the RB threads and became concerned.

All is well with me and my daughter. She's turning 13 this weekend - can hardly believe it. Her dad and I consider ourselves very lucky to have been blessed with such a great child, I mean, t-t-teenager.

No man in my life right now and that's okay. Plenty of work to do on making my life truly my own.

Hope all is well with both of you. I peek in at your threads and see you each managing all kinds of challenges with courage and grace. Damn inspiring, it is!

Peace and love to all of us. G'night.

Mary

September 10, 2008
11:37 pm
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autumn128
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((((Mary))))

Your daughter is going to be a teenager this weekend? wow. You must wonder where the time has gone!

Thanks for all the support you always give me.

Autumn

September 10, 2008
11:47 pm
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PreciousG
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Mary,

luck had nothing to do with it. You are a very special person. She didn't stand a chance of being any different with a Mom like you!

Thank you for always so kind and nonjudgemental.

Precious

September 11, 2008
12:41 pm
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fantas
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Thank you so much for this thread. Simple, clear and to the point.

September 11, 2008
12:59 pm
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truthBtold
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SPOT ON!

Thanks Mary.

(I'll be printing this one out!)

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