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Love or User
March 9, 2007
11:18 pm
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Goldenchild
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September 24, 2010
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If someone says they love you, yet have left you in the past because of their problems (they say). Yet go on to date other women, but when things go awry, they seek you out. Calling everyone to get to you. Somehow I think this isn't love, this is being used. They know that they can always come back to me. Help me, what am I not seeing or seeing but won't accept?

March 10, 2007
1:57 am
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free
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"used" has such a negative connotation, like it's something somebody does on purpose, and that's not always the case.

The person seeking you out knows you are a giver. And that person is a taker. He/she needs you right now. Your needs are not as important as his/hers. They never will be.

Givers and takers don't make healthy relationships, kuz in healthy relationships both parties give and take as needed, over the long run making a relatively equal balance.

Sounds like you see red flags. I'd have to agree and identify them as heartache. It hurts deeply to be the giver in one of these relationships. It's also exhausting. The taker skips joyfully around, not even touched by the heartache left behind.

The taker will put you on cloud nine, make you feel like the cat's meow, make promises that can't/won't be kept, as long as.....you are fulfilling a need.

Sounds cold and cruel. But it's not always the case. The takers aren't always TRYING to be cold and cruel, they're just trying to satisfy their needs. Satisfaction comes at other peoples expense. I personally find takers to be very shallow. Their actions don't match their words.

bail out my friend.

bail.

free

March 10, 2007
2:04 am
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luvhurts
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I wish I had the right answer for you however I'm in such pain myself.
I have been there though & now I'm having to face the truth & not live in denial any longer.
I've been his crutch, his "make everything better girlfriend" for too long.
For me it was acceptance-Seeing things for what they are instead of ignoring the truth.
Take care & wishing peace for you.

March 10, 2007
2:36 am
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bonnyugwo
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Dear, take care. Relationship is all about mutual sharing. It should not be cheating or manipulation. If somebody says he loves you and does not respect your needs,feelings,ideas and belief, then that is not true love. Love means that you accept me for what I am and I accept you for what you are. I leave it for you to make your decisions.

March 10, 2007
12:53 pm
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thedogsmom
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September 30, 2010
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I think that if you feel loved and are happy then thats what counts. When you feel used- then you need to take a look at the situation to see why you are feeling more used than loved. Face the reality. If you feel used- then you are either giving too much -and resenting not getting enough back in return---- or you are doing all the giving and not recieving anything- in other words- somebody is using you.
Whether they mean you harm or mean to hurt you-- doesn't matter. It's how you feel- thats what matters. How do you feel about your situation? Sounds like you are feeling a bit used. You can turn the situation around by evaluating it-- deciding what you would need to feel LOVED and appreciated and secure with him -- and then try to talk with him and see if you get anywhere. What are you willing to give for love?
What do you need in return?
difficult questions.
TDM

March 11, 2007
7:44 am
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taj64
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Goldenchild, I think it is being used. Especially if you are being intimate with the person. If you are not getting what you want out of this and want more then I would think about ending this relationship. You deserve better than a take and run person. You can't really trust a person like this. And you cannot be secure either. If you want my opinion it is being used rather than love. Get what you want out of relationship and Im afraid you won't with this one as it is a pattern and not reliable. Find yourself a partner who will stick around.

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