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Love or Controll?
July 3, 2000
12:18 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I met a man from the company I worked in in June of 1998. He swept me off of my feet and with out realizing how fast this was moving I was on my way to relocating and living in San Diego. My children decided they wanted to live with their father and I had brought them to the counslour in the hopes of finding out weather this was a good decision or not.
I had felt that everyone was on the same page and it was fine for me to leave.

What I soon found out was that the man I fell in love with was actually living a double life. He was actually living and owned a home with another woman.

When he lost his job he told her that he wanted to go to San Diego to find another job and set up house their. He would send for her in a few month.
What I also didnt know is that he stayed in contact with her the entire time through email and calling cards. She eventually found him out and tracked me down.

His explanition was one of which he wanted to be able to keep everthing if we didnt work out. That was in July of 1999

He has an uncanny knack for putting things in a way that you eventually believe him.
He eventually did loose everything and allways held that over my head.
" I gave everything up for you!"
"I have nothing now because I loved you!"

I of course was very hurt by this and also felt like a fool.
However I remaind with him only to find out that he would constantly belittle me and verbally tear me down.
His way of doing this was threw total isolation from my people in the Bay Area and manipulation.I knew no one in San Dieg.

I returned back to the Bay Area in May of 99 for a brief time for work and take care of some issues.
During this time he befriended a woman who lived next door. She didnt know of me until my return.
He continued to communicate and see her everyday. When I approached him on the subject he would tell me that I am crazy if I thought that he would @@@ a pig like that.
He is a very sexual male.
He is very dominate.
He has to mantain controll and he did this with me. Whom ever he met he would come across as very intresed in that person and made the feel as if they were the only one.

His manipulation of me and the negitative bearing on my soul led me to pack things up one morning with out telling him and leave him.
That was March 30.
I started talking with him again and even visited him on occasion.
I thought that we were getting back together.
Now he says he never wants to hear from me again.
He tells his friend one thing and me another.

The crazy thing of it all is that he still has a hold on me even when I knew that he was not good for me.

Long story short is that it is over, however I feel that I am guilty for ruining it.
I feel that he was a saint and i am the one who is disfuntional.
When in reality the other side of me knows that he has many issues that he has to deal with.
A cat never changes his strips. In this case I feel that he did change and that i missed the boat and the love of my life.
Or am I just crazy and in denile of him still being manipulative?

I was going to go to San Diego this weekend. He wants me to come so he can have the last goodby and sexual experience.
He wants to send me out and whore me, and use me.
I feel that I owe him that.
Please respond. I need of help.

July 3, 2000
6:10 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Marisa...obviously the choice will be yours.consider maybe he knew exactly what he was doing by befriending the girl next door, in regards to you. Coincidental? Double life? No doubt, maybe more. Men such as what I'm hearing have as you say many issues, but are you willing to add to his list? I doubt if he's the man you need in your life. Sounds as if your kids went with there intuition by going with their dad. CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL.......take conrol of your life say your goodby on the phone, and as for the sexual experience send him a magizine.......He's a sick man, and you my friend, I hope you begin to see and understand what a wonderful life awaits you if you seek it out in healthy ways.

July 3, 2000
8:58 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Marisa this man is using you, the woman next door, and his double life companion for companoinship,sex and whatever else he can get out of you.You are not at fault for anything, it's not you the one who needs change. If someone loves you they adapt to your personality and lifestyle. There is other fish in the sea whom are more than glad to sweep you of your feet, at no cost to your emotions.

July 4, 2000
8:53 am
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Control, plain and simple. Also, lack of control. He has the strings and you are the puppet? You ruined everything? Yikes! Girlfriend, hang up the phone, kick him to the curb, and love yourself. Respect yourself. Nurture yourself. But, please don't sell yourself. Look at all the hills where you live. Notice anything that relates to your situation? See the bay cut off from the ocean by a strip of land. Notice anything that relates to your stiuation? Life is full of hills and valleys, full of cutoffs. When you climb the hill, you see more of the city and surrounding area. When you sail the bay and pass through the inlet to the ocean, the vastness is awsume. Let the desire for peace be your navigator, and Spirit your copilot. Give YOU a chance to experience true life, not someone elses falshoods.

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