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Love or Co-dependency
June 21, 2006
11:23 am
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atalose
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How does one know if it's really love or co-dependency? I have been involved with a recovering addict for 6 years, we had been engaged for the last 1 1/2. He is loving, giving, understanding, none controlling but he had a relapse after thinking he could use steriods which lead to pain killers. I left him because of the drugs and he had a hard time accepting that, kept leaving me horriable messages and finaly he was so out of it, he threatened me and I got a restraining order. He went into a rehab for 28 days, came out is working on his issues but I am still keeping my distance. He doesn't understand why I can't talk to him right now and why I can't work with him on going to therapy together for our relationship. I am not sure I am strong enough to spend the rest of my life with an addict, the though of relapse again scares me. I know I love him, I planned on spending the rest of my life with him but everyone keeps telling me to just end it for good, get on with my life and stop being so co-dependent. I am so ambivelent right now, my head is spinning. I am going to therapy, but it's so new I haven't even gotten to that point of discussing this with the therapist yet. How does one know if it's love or co-dependency or maybe both.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 21, 2006
3:06 pm
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CAMER
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if you feel you are giving to much and not getting anything back in return could be a sign of codep. & being with people with addictions too is a a possible sign of codep.
You need to decide for yourself if you want to be with this type of person, he is who he is and are you willing to accept him that way??

June 21, 2006
9:55 pm
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Rasputin
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Atalose - There are many resources that can help you help yourself. Purchase the books "Codependent no more" by Melody Beattie; "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood.

I agree with Camer. Whenever you feel that you're denying your own needs for the sake of others all the time this is one-sided codep selfish relationship. In addition, the fact that he is an addict defintely makes it/you codep life/spouse.

Start to attend coda meetings by logging on coda.org. These meetings are completely free of charge and very educational.

Keep reading threads and posting. You can learn and relate to so many here.

Blessings, Ras~

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