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Lostagain27 Friday night alone
September 19, 2008
9:13 am
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lostagain27
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(((To all)))

Good morning!

I have a question. Does anyone wake up panicky? Since my x left i have woken up every single morning in paniac mode. Like i have to do something or something is not quite right and missing. I can't explain it really. It runs through my whole body. Does anyone else feel this way?
It's driving me nuts. It doesn't go away really until after I take a shower and start getting ready for work.

Hope everyone has a great day!

September 19, 2008
10:05 am
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PreciousG
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(((Lost)))

Good Morning! Yes, unfortunately, I to wake-up panicy in morning. I woke-up this morning panicy myself. It drives me nuts as well. I just try to slow down and try to get intouch with my emotions. Sometimes this works sometimes I run away with the panic.

Like I said before, I believe that anxiety and panic has something to do with keeping emotions bottled up and not fully feeling the emotions.

You say that you feel as if something is missing. When this happens to me I try to break it down to what I am feeling, missing something, ok what am I missing, what would make feel better, is this realistic, etc. Hope this make sense this is the only way that I can calm down sometimes is to break it down into manageable pieces.

Remember to breath. Hug yourself!

Hope you are feeling better!

((((Lost))))

Precious

P.S. It's FRIDAY which means tomorrow is SATURDAY and we know what that means!! FOOTBALL!!!!!! ROLL TIDE ROLL! WWHO LET TEM DAWGS OUT!? WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!

September 19, 2008
10:25 am
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Longshot
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Yes, Lost I too have had problems waking up in a panic/anxiety attack. They've pretty much calmed for now, although I had one Tuesday.

I try to do what Precious mentioned, and generally it helps.

Just letting you know you're not alone:)

((Lost))

((Precious))

September 19, 2008
10:29 am
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Longshot
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Ms_Resilient-thank you for your encouraging words!!

With all you're dealing with right now, and you took the time to encourage me-well honestly I'm sitting here with tears right now-thank you!

The people on this site are such a huge support-I'M SO GRATEFUL:)

((Ms_Resilient))

September 19, 2008
10:34 am
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PreciousG
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Good Morning ((((Long))))!

Precious

September 19, 2008
10:57 am
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lostagain27
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(((Precious))) (((Longshot)))

Precious thanks for the advice I will try and do that next time break it down into manageable pieces and ask myself what is bothering me. Sometimes I think I have no reason to be so panicky so it drives me nuts!!! 🙂 but it has to be something to make me feel that way. I am holding some thing back.

Longshot thanks for letting me know i am not alone in this.
How are you today!!!

Precious this weekend is a great one for football. Noon bama game, TN vs. FL at 2 and then the auburn vs. LSU game at 7!!! I can't wait. i am looking forward to it. I think i am going home to watch it with my family. Which makes me happy. 🙂

As you can see i am an SEC nut. you guys are headed to the desert to play the sundevils. I don't knwo much about them but i hope you guys win. Now you know next week we will be at war against each other!!! Lol...

I am feeling better now. I have calmed down. I am just focusing on my work and checking on here every now and then.

Have a great day guys!!!

((( To everyone)))

Lost

September 19, 2008
11:18 am
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Longshot
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I always smile when y'all start talking football:)

Love it-been watching since I was 13!!

My oldest is a tight end on his HS team, and is doing an outstanding job. They play tonight-woo hoo!!
(I'm out of town working so I'll have to miss this one game.)

I'm glad you're day is smoothing out Lost, I completely get where you were this a.m. 🙂

September 19, 2008
11:58 am
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lostagain27
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Football is my favorite thing really. It keeps me happy during this time. It gives me chill bumps when my team wins!!! There is just somethign about it.

I am sorry you are goign to miss your sons game.
I hope they win and will root for them too!

Yes this am was crappy. I hate those kinds of mornings. yuck!

September 19, 2008
9:34 pm
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lostagain27
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(((Precious)))

I saw on the no contact thread that you had a really tough day. What is going on girl? What made it so hard today that you wanted to contact him?

It's friday night again for me. I went to my brothers to eat dinner and play leap frog with my neices. They sure do know how to bring a smile to your face. Youngins are so great at bringing happiness to you. But now i am at home about to watch some TV.

Precious i hope your day has gotten better! It's okay. Why did you want to contact him and what did you want to say to him?

Hang in there!!!

Hug yourself!!!

(((Precious)))

September 20, 2008
8:55 am
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lostagain27
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I couldn't sleep in this morning and I am very all over the place not knowing what to do. I have nothng planned this morning so therefore I am up and not knowing what to do!!! UGH this is frustrating.

I went looking on another website that someone posted here. I think it was Longshot.

But Precious when i read this it stuck out to me and it is what you have been saying a couple of times about rule books. I hope you enjoy it. I did.

"Today, I will throw out the rulebook and enjoy being who I am. I will have some fun with the gift of life, others, and myself."

September 21, 2008
1:01 pm
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lostagain27
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Trying to stick to one thread here. lol... sometimes I start others with random thoughts.

I had an okay weekend.
Friday night hung out with my sister-in-law and neices and ate dinner with them. My brother was out of town and it was fun.

Saturday I spent literally all day long at my parents watching football with my dad. It was a lot of fun and he made me feel good when he left b/c he said i made his day and it was like old times for him. I kind of neglected hanging with my parents when me and my X were together. Sad really. So that was fun. Plus my team won ROLL TIDE ROLL

Today has been crappy. Lonely and bored and still missing him. That's from my earlier post "still missing him". I ma trying to stick to one thread so it is easier to follow and keep up with to read and see my progress later on.

to anyone who reads this many hugs!!!

September 21, 2008
1:18 pm
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PreciousG
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((((((Lost)))))

I am so sorry you are lonely.

I just posted to you on the Precious thread.

September 22, 2008
1:15 pm
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Hi (((Lost)))

How are you today? I hope that you are having a good day free of anxiety.

Precious

September 22, 2008
2:00 pm
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lostagain27
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(((Precious)))

I am doing alright today. I just have this sense of sadness that has sunk in now. I think I am starting to tell myself that is is really over and he isn't coming back. I somehow have been in denial i believe that he would come back. So now i am just sitting with this deep sadness. I want to cry but then i don't b/c i am tired of crying. I am tired of trying to make my brain dicuss and squeeze out every last bit of someting some kind of hope that he will come back and that he really loved me. But he didn't love me. If he loved me he would have worked things out with me and wouldn't have hurt me or caused me this much pain during and after the break up...

All i can do is sigh...

Hope I haven't brought you down.

the anxiety is always there.

How are you today?

September 22, 2008
2:18 pm
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((((Lost))))

You didn't bring me down. I am ok. In reading many posts this weekendI realized that for many (myself included) the cycle of denial is beginning to break and the realization of the relationship being over is setting in. I think you are absolutely correct.

It is very painful and anxiety provoking. I think what we having been feeling is natural. Allbeit scary but very natural. I happen to think that is a good thing because we are working through the pain and not giving into contacting when the pain becomes overwhelming.

I think that the anxiety also stems from learining to rely o ourselves. That is something that is very new to us and our systems. So may be just may be it is good type of stress. We can look back at these last few days or weeks and realize that we have made it without them. We have survived and we will survive.

As far as your EX not loving you-please do not do this to yourself. The reality is that he is not capable of loving anyone. His drinking is his love right now. I do not care if he is with MAry, Sue, or Leighann he can't love them either. It nothing that you did or did not do Lost. You could have moved mountains and at the end of the day he would still be who he is.

Trust me there is nothing wrong wit you because your EX did not love you. Moreover, you are loveable and will find love again someday when you are ready.

Facing the truth is hard when we have mastered the art of denial. One step at a time my friend one step at a time.

Please do not ever worry about bringing me down. Most of what you share is so very helpful to me and often times gets me headed where I need to be going. So I say thank you and share away.

((((Lost))))

Precious

September 22, 2008
7:46 pm
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lostagain27
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(((Precious)))

How has your day been? Are you back at home now?

YOu always make me feel better about what i am going through and feeling and it truly helps out a lot.

Yes I am always dealing with this denial thing. For me I think it is a protection from that pain that I don't want to feel or the relaity of the whole sitution that i don't want to admit to myself as to what happened and what the truth is. It's easier to stick your head back in denial than it is dealing with the truth and the hurt and pain.

I do think the anxiety is based off of us having to learn to live on own without them and actually care for ourselves somethign very foreign to us. But with time we will get the hang out it!

You are right he wasn't capable of love b/c he didn't love himself. I think about all the things he has done and anyone who truly loved themselves would not have done.

I think i am loveable and a good catch. But not a good catch rght now. I have a lot of work to do and to many emotions to deal with before i can even think of someone else. In fact it makes me sick to my stomach to think about having someone else right now. Maybe that's a good thing. 🙂

I hope you are having a good night!
Thanks for letting me vent. You have been a true friend to me!

(((Precious)))

September 23, 2008
4:55 pm
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Longshot
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Hi Lost! (((Lost)))

I've been traveling and just got home last night. I'm going to my youngests football game in a little while.

OK, I have to stop and brag a minute here - it takes 2 offensive linemen to hold him off the quarterback!!!:)

I wanted to give you and Precious hugs and say Hi!!

((((Lost,Precious))))

September 23, 2008
5:21 pm
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((((Long)))

I would brag too!!! That is awesome!!! 🙂 Ihope his teams wins!

Precious

September 23, 2008
5:33 pm
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(((Longshot)))

Hi! that is so great and something to be proud of! Brag away hun! I hope they win.

How have you been lately?

(((Precious)))

How are you today?

Lost

September 23, 2008
6:01 pm
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Hey, Lost,

I am ok. I have decided to stay another week with my sister and her family. I just didn't feel like going home. I mean I want to go home but I don't even know. I know that sounds crazy but it is true.

Remeber when I told you about talking with my freind recently? remeber I said that I was nervous that she would try to set me up with someone? Wait for it...she didjust that! 😉 She said that she told the guy that it would be just to hang out and be friends. Which is ok with me I guess? I mean I need to start being social. I know better that to get involved with anyone right now. I so not ready for that. anyway.

She wanted us to all go to park where the city is provides free concerts. I have always wanted to that. I was supposed to go Thursday but instead I am staying here for another week. Iwas lookforward to it too. I am so confused. I want to go but I wanted to stay and watch the Albama game with my family too. I really need to get a life. HAHAHA!

I truly am confused. Sorry for the rambaling!

Hope you had a good day! Tell me about it! 😉

Precious

September 23, 2008
6:42 pm
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Precious--just inquired about your day on another thread. You make me think of that song lyric, Should I stay or should I go now. I recently went to visit my sister and it took all I had to get there. Once I got their I did not want to face going home. It is confusing.

Personally, I would go for the music in the park with friends. It doesn't have to be a date. Friday night I met a long time friend (male) and had a nice time. Such a diversion from my sadness/breakup/recovery. He knew nothing of any of it and it was nice to feel normal and adjusted for a few hours. Maybe it is just what you need.

I know you were talking to lost, but thought I would drop in my opinion.

Hi Lost--how are you doing today?

September 23, 2008
6:57 pm
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Thanks Sad. You are welcome to pop in anytime.

I know exactly what you mean. It took everything in me to get here and now it is taking everything in me to go home.

I know I should have gone for the music ans seeing my friend that I have not seen in 4 years. But, I already told my sister that I would stay. Just as soon as i told her that I would leave I was regretting it. UGH!! Oh well! There will be other Thursday nights, I hope!

I really wonder what is that is so difficult about leavinf home and returning home? I go through this everytime. It has just got to stop!

I appreciate your response Sad!

Precious

September 23, 2008
7:11 pm
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For me the difficult part about leaving to go home was facing the quiet. The big space with nothing but me in it.

Leaving home, the hard part is getting my game face on. Being forced into being social and light, when I am not feeling social or light.

I have to travel next week for work and I have been agonizing over it.

September 24, 2008
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(((Precious))) (((Sad)))

My internet was out at my home last night and I was so sad. I didn't know what to do with myself without it. HA HA HA! Hopefully it will work tonight.

I am at work now so I had to come and see what was going on.

Precious if you don't feel like leaving home then don't but you if you get the urge to meet your friend to go to the free concerts then don't feel bad about making the decision to go home and do that.

You did say she would try and hook you up. As long as this guy knows you are just going to get out and have some company and have fun then i think it is totally cool. There are some boundaries there which I know i always struggle with putting up and keeping.

I believe there will be more Thursdays and your friend will understand if you want to just stay with family right now.

Lately in light of all that has happened with my friends i have also stuck to my family. I just feel so safe with them for the moment. My social life will pick up again when i feel comfortable with it.

My family is all right here together so it is not hard for me to go and leave b/c we are all so close to living in the same area.

Sad

good for you for meeting up with an old friend. I think sometimes those can be the funniest times. When they don't know anything and you only share what you want too. You are just there to have some fun.

Speaking of fun. I thought about the other day but i really haven't let myself have fun and not worry about anything. My X is always on my mind so it is hard to have fun with him hanging there. I am working on detaching him from my thought process.I am not sure how to do this but hopefully it will come to me.

I hope you guys have a great day!

Precious~ ROLL TIDE!!! 🙂

(((To all of us)))

September 24, 2008
2:28 pm
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((((LOST)))))

There you are! I was wondering where you got of to? I thought maybe you were walking or and Yoga. I missed ya!

Did you go to yoga this week? I keep saying that I am going to start walking. Ask me if have started? 😉

Like you I feel safe with the family. It may not be the healthiest of situations (that's another story) but to some extent I do feel safe.

I have to call my friend and tell her that I did go home. I am a little about talking with her. I do not want to let her down. Silly I know but still it bothers me.

I know I am ready to make new friends and expand my social network. Well it I am nervous but yet excited. I really do not know why I chickened out. I can be so silly. Well honestly I am really nerv ous about going out with someone new, even as friends, because it is not my EX. It sort of makes the break-up more real. Ah Well I guess I can't stay in my safe so forever. That's not really me anyway.

Roll Tide my butt! My Dawgs are gonna maul your tide! WAIT FOR TI!;)
I can't wait until Saturday! It is a 7:45 game. Are you going or having a party? We are having a party. I am going to buy a new outfit for the game! WEEEEE DAWGIE!!!

I hope you have a great day! Hope your entternet is working tonight!

((((Lost)))

Precious

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