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Lostagain27 Friday night alone
September 8, 2008
7:05 pm
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lostagain27
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Precious,

Acknowledging things is the hardest part. I do wand to run and hide and not think about it but I have decided the more I do that the more I block out my pain. As long as i can feel the pain, acknowledge it and move on then I will become better or so they say. It really sucks to be honest. I am about tired of this pain thing b/c it just flat out sucks and makes me feel worthless to think of all the unhealthy things about myself that i need to change. It's very draining and doesn't do a whole lot to my self esteem which is pretty much very little at this point.

Thursday will be a very tough day for you. Do you mind me asking why it will be so hard to face your sister. I know why it will be hard to face your X and yes it will suck b/c he can't hug you and if you are like me you feel if you can't get that hug then it will make things better b/c you are used to his comfort during these times. Or what you think would be comfort and him being there. Just take control of the situation in your mind. Start preparing yourself for it. Tell yourself every day up until that day that you are the better party of this break up. That he is the one that lost it all b/c he really is. Also that you have lost nothing and that he is the one who lost out and deserves nothing better b/c you were the best thing that he ever had and he threw it all away. let's me honest here he really did lose a great person and that person is you! You were probably and will always be the best thing he has ever had. As caring and loving as you were he will never find that again. Never! So go in that court room and do not let him affect you. Show him you are okay without him and don't need him. Acknowledge him but don't let him get to you. You are better without him and will find someone tens times better than the woman he has now!!! 🙂

I am glad i have helped open up. At least I did something. 🙂 Yes i am sad and hurt. I am pretty pitiful but my plate is about full and I can't take anymore!

Hang in there!

(((Precious)))

September 8, 2008
7:38 pm
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Lost,

To make a long story short, my sister owes my mother a large sum of money and is saying that is was a donation. My dided a year ago and I am the exectrix of the esstate. She is taking me to court because she says that she doesn't owe it amongst other things. It is really not about the money to me but about my sister dishonory my Mother.

The reason the X will be there is because she my Mom told him about the loan and he can testify. When I told him about what my sister was doing he got so angry I couldn't believe it. I thought that he was going to have a heart attack. I was really taken aback by his reaction because we had not spoken in 41/2 months and he has a girlfriend.

Which reminds me. When we saw each other in July he said "why is it so hard to believe that I still haave feelings for you and that feelings are raw and i hurt just like you?" Can you believe that? I said because you broke up with me, you haven't contacted me in 41/2 months, and oh yay you have a girlfriend!!!! I can't remember what he said after that. I was SERIOUSLY! REALLY!!!!

Thank you for say such nice words. Funny thing is I think that he knows that he will never have anyone better than me. I have to believe that if he does end up married that will not last. Let's face it he is exactly the same as the day he walked away. For that matter he is the same person that I met 14 years ago. Except that I did help him with his jealousy and anger issues. And that is a fact. It is his control issues that will get him in the end. So sad really.

You are 100% right. I have to walk in there like I own the world. I cannot let him see me sweat!!! The good news is that I have another sister that will be there for me. He knows me as poor needy Precious, well to some extend anyway. To see me in control will throw him completely off.

See I think that is one reason that he broke up with me. I can be very asssertive and independent and not take anything off anybody. He really didn't like that side of me when I was able to be that way with him. The more I called him on the carpet about things the more he would pull away. I really do not know the reasons that he broke up with me, he would tell me. The only thing that he said was personality differences and that I like things a cetain way,m yay not his way he means. It makes no sense at all cuz we were together for 14 years.

A friend of mine said that he was jealous of the time that I gave to y ill mother. When I was living in Texas after Katrina he never came to see me or my Mother. He always said it was because of his anxiety that he couldn't drive. But I had a conversation with him in which he said that his friend didn't understand why he broke up with me and my X said well she is in Texas and I am here. Well what does living apart have to do with anything when you have been together for 14 years? He acted like a child whose mother had been a way for awhile. He was just punishing me. Who knows. It would explain a lot though. Anyway! Theres my rant for the day!

So no I am not ready face my sister. She can really mean and a big bully. I just it getting really ugly brfore it gets any better. That's not me being negative but realistic about my sister. I have done the same wit her that I have with the X. I have held out false hope that she would do the right thing to no avail. So the only thing left to do is believe her when she shows me who she is. It has taken me long long time to get to this poit. Oh I have my moments to stand up to her but this is so different. UGHHHH!!!!!!

Thanks agian for your kind words. You are so great!!!

Hug Yourself!

(((((Lost))))

Precious

September 8, 2008
8:35 pm
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Lost!

Guess waht?!? I just got an e-mail from my lawyer and the trial is going to be continued until next month. WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!! I get to go home meet with my therapist to better prepare for this thing. Thank Goodness!!!!!

I ahve some wonderful Angels looking over me!!!!!

Now I have to inform my X of the continuance. I was going to ask you if I should call him or e-mail him. I just answered my own question. I will e-mail him when I have the new court date. What was I thinking? OK a really weak moment!! Calling him WHATEVER!!!!!

Anyway I am soooooooo excited you just don't know!!!!!

Precious

September 8, 2008
8:39 pm
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lostagain27
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Precious,

Wow you really are taking on a handful and seem to be doing really well with all of this. I am sorry your sister is being like that and I hope that you win in court. I think that it is very nice of you X to help you out and testify. It is very nice of him and you should thank him for only that! 🙂

I can understand why you would be upset by him saying " why is it so hard to believe". It is hard to believe that someone you loved and trusted left you and isn't really showing that he cared much by jumping into another relationship and then not calling for 4-1/2 months. I too know what that feels like. the anger and hurt that comes with it. Angry b/c he can say he cares but hurt b/c he actually says he does hurt and you are supposed to believe it when you are falling apart inside. that is how i felt. my X told my friends they were too hard on him that he was having a difficult time with our break up. My friend looked straight at him and said " you sure do have a funny way of showing it". That hurt. Why can't they just show it??? Sometime I ask myself would it even make a damn difference if they did show it at all? would it??? What do you think?

Good for you for helping him with some of his issues but you say he still has control issues. YOu don't need that in your life. You know deep down that you were good for him. YOu even said it yourself righ here "Funny thing is I think that he knows that he will never have anyone better than me" see you are doing really well. He can't find anyone better than you. How can he when he leaves a 14 year relationship and jumps into another one. I have to tell you that it will not last and you will be so much better off. Afer all is said and done you will have worked on yourself and he will not have. You will end up happier than him!!! I guarantee it. One day he will regret it and feel guilty.

His reasoning for breaking up with you isn't very substatial. He could give you more of a reason than personaility differences. I know we all try to figure out why they left us but in reality we may never know. So to me it is best that we just leave it be. We might end up hurting ourselves more than we want too. Just go off of why you think the relationship ended and work on your flaws and try to forget his. I know it is easier said than done b/c all i try to do is figure my X out when It would be figuring out what Lost wants! It's hard not to obesss

My thoughts will be with you precious. Stand up to your sister which you will be doing in court. It's hard when family is involved and I feel for you. And just act like your X doesn't bother you and you are just fine and you will do fine. I know you will. You have the strength and determination to get through this. As strong as you have been you can do it!

Hug yourself!

(((Precious)))

September 8, 2008
10:34 pm
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lostagain27
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Precious

Some how i missed your post on your trial being postponed for another month! I think that is awesome and this way you can work on being prepared for your counselor. I am so happy you get another month!

Angels are watching over you! WAHOO i am so happy for you.

Now I have to ask why do you have to email him the new court date. Will he not be notified unless you email him otherwise? just curious here.
If you must email him. Just wait until you know the court date like you said.

enjoy your excitement and take it easy tonight!!!

(((Precious)))

September 8, 2008
10:55 pm
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Lost,

Thank you Lost!!!! I am so relieved!!! Whew.

Well, in regards to e-mailing him I could ask my sister to do it or the lawyer but each time she e-mails him it costs me money. The estae is not that large, anohter reason I can't understand why my sister is doing this.

Anyway, I will be completely honest and tell you that I am not willing to give up that control. I know that might seem silly. It scares me actually. But yes I will wait until I have the date before I e-mail him.

Thanks again for your support. I want to respond to your previous post the computer keeps eat my responses. So I will respond tomorrow.

I hope that you get some restful sleep tonight. I hope that you have a GREAT DAY AT WORK!!!!

((((Lost))))

Precious

September 9, 2008
6:17 am
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hey precious,

im glad the court date was postponed. is this the same sister who asked you for your help/care?
i hope not.

But whta i missed is why your x is involved?

September 9, 2008
10:42 am
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lostagain27
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Precious

I could only imagine that you have a huge weight lifted off of you now that the date has been moved.
Giving up your control does not sound silly. I know what you mean but not wanting to give that up.

I am having a better day. I got a good nights rest. I think it is b/c i went for a long walk with my dog yesterday after work. It must have relaxed me. My goal is too start running. I haven't ran since highschool or worked out in a gym in years. So i have decided to start doing that again. I have also researched yoga classes in my area and I am going to take a beginner's course next Monday. I am tired of sitting around feeling bad about myself and having nothing to do so i am making things to do now and this will make me feel better about myself and hopefully give me a great body to show off too! Now if i can just keep this will power i have in my head right now, then I will be doing good.

I hope you are having a good day precious and you too SuzieQ!

((( to all)))

September 9, 2008
10:46 am
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lost,

its good to hear you are having a better day!! I am a huge yoga fan and of excercise in general.

My day is getting better as we speaking. my morning was vey insightful(see thread suddenly i see) and tonight im going out with my room mate. We're going to this internationals party. i love international students!!
Im looking forward to it.

i hope you can keep your new found power lost!
hugs

September 9, 2008
10:51 am
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thanks SuzieQ!
I will go and check out you thread. I am intrigued!

party with international students sounds like fun! i wish i had more social events to attend! Make the most of them! you can meet all kinds of new people!

((( Suzie)))

September 9, 2008
10:52 am
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you might meet some fun new people at your yoga classes!

September 9, 2008
11:04 am
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you're right. never thought about it that way!

September 9, 2008
2:51 pm
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Lost,

I happy to hear that you are having a better day today and got some good sleep. Good for you for taking that walk and staying true to you. Great SELF-CARE GIRL!!!!!

I am around and reading threads today. However, the computer I am using keeps eating my posts. So I will try and reply soon. It has eaten 2 long posts that I typed. I was almost finished too.

I am having a tough day too. I e-mailed my Ex about the continuance and he e-mailed me back. More later. Also, inregards to your question about why he is envolved. He is envolved because my Mother told him about the loan to my sister and that my sister was to pay her back. My Mother and my EX were close.

Anyway have a great evening and enjoy your walk with your dog. You are really do GREAT LOST. I am so proud of you and so happy for you!

Hug Yourself!!!!

(((((Lost))))

Precious

September 9, 2008
7:01 pm
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Precious,

That totally blows with the typing of long threads and them being eaten up by the computer! I knwo it is frustrating. Happened to me last night. Well it was my fault. I hit a button and it went away and i had a whole lot of good stuff in it!

I would love to here your feelings and how the email with the X went. I am curious to know what he said. I am sorry you are having a hard day! hang in there Precious!!!

I was feeling great this morning and now i am feeling crappy again. I am going to take my walk though no matter what i am going to get my ass outside of this house and walk tonight. it is my goal!

Not sure what happended to me since this morning. On the drive home from work I kept thinking about my X and wondering what he was doing on a Tuesday night. I even have to pass by his office building on the way home and it always makes me wonder what he is doing. If i had another route home I would use it but I don't.

Then a friend # 1 called me I had missed her call then another friend #2 called while I was trying to call friend # 1 back. Friend #2 said she has just gotten off the phone with Friend #1 and she was just calling to tell me how her first brazialian wax ( ouch ) went but was on her way to another guys house to meet her fiance and my X. After I got off the phone with friend #2 i tried to call friend #1 back and she didn't answer her phone! Where I am getting at here is that it pisses me off that everytime they are with my X they never answer the damn phone. If I am with them they have no problems answering tant then telling me what he is doing that night! It makes me so furious! Why can't they answer when I call and then tell him what i am up too?

It's just upsetting and I don;t understand why i get ignored when they are with him. I don;t get it or understand it!!!

Another thing that makes me angry is the fact that my X told one of my girlfriends to say hello to me when we all went on that big beach trip. She said it like he was being so sincere about it! Makes me angry. I can't even be sincere about telling him hello or even pass the message back to say hello to him. So i guess he looks like the good guy and i am the big ole bitch here! Don't they see what he did to me?

Sorry i am venting and cussing up a storm.

Hope you are having a better day Precious!

(((Precious)))

Lost

September 9, 2008
8:24 pm
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Lost,

I know what you mean about the long reply and having good stuff in there. I had some really good stuff in both replies and POOF!!! GONE!!! You think that you are cursing now!!! OH I WAS SO ANGRY!!!!!

Sorry that your day went south 🙁

It is wonderful that you are sticking to your plan of walking! I haven't been able to. I am a runner and have been for 21 years (off and on). I had really gotte back into before I came to help my sister. I tell myself every day that I am going walking/running and I don't. I have to get busy thow cuz I wont to look hot when I see the EX in court. RIGHT!?!! You go girl!!! Plus it is great for your dog good quality time together too.

Well I emailed him about the contiuance and he e-mailed me back with details about he is up to.

I will copy and past for you so you can get the full effect!

>Thanks for letting me know about the continuance. I
> emailed you just
> before Hurricane Gustov and didn't hear back, so I
> assumed the trial
> would be pushed off. Did you evacuate to Villa Rica?
>
> My parents came to Starkville for the week. I was in
> the middle of
> having some flooring installed, so you could imagine
> how hectic
> everything became. To top off the trouble, Cookie
> was struck and killed
> by a car in front of my house. My mother was
> heartbroken, but we made a
> nice grave under a pine tree in my backyard.
>
> I hope all is well with you. Isn't there any chance
> to settle out of
> court? Dragging this on must not be pleasant (or
> even practical).

Ok after I read this I was so angry and then felt so vulnerable. I think that he is trying to bate me. All I said to him was my lawyer was filing for a continuance and that I would pass the information along when I knew the new court date. I did ask for all of this.

This so typical him though. I do not play the game his way and play on my terms and then he ups the ante. I did not e-mail him back when he e-mailed about calling me the weekend that gustov hit. If you notice he failed to mention that in this e-mail. The other think is that I was supposed to e-mail him and he call me back but he said that he was to call me without the e-mail. O have ignored him since my Epiphany and he has been contacting me first. Oh! His response was in record time too. He has never replied to one of e-mails so fast before never! It was if he was just sitting there waiting for my e-mail.

What has me really upset is the flooring. When we married that his the house we were going to live in. Now he has girlfriend and you know that she helped him pick the new flooring. OMG!!! You have no idea how angry I am about that. How inconsiderate?

The cat that was killed was my cat. I had picked him from a litter that his mother's cat had. I want to e-mail him and tell them both how sorry I am but that is not in my best interest. So I wont. He is trying to bate me. Well I wont be played anymore. I have played for the last time my friend.

See in the past I would so fall for this bate. I would think
oh he wants to toalk to me. Well I am wise to his tactics haha! Doesn't make it less upsetting but I will not humilate myself anymore.

Well I hate to end so curtly but I want to post this before I lose it again.

Please tell me HONESTLY what you think of my interpurtation of the e-mail.

Thank you Lost.

I hope you are having great walk. Oh and I think that when I get back home, Monday, YES! I look into yoga as well. Angain Great Selfcare Girl!!!!

((((Lost))))

Precious

September 9, 2008
10:07 pm
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lostagain27
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Precious

Thanks it was really hard to get out there and get going but I did. My dog loves it she isn't the best at staying beside me but i know she loves going. Yes you have to start running again to look even hotter than you do now for him! That is my goal too! To look super HOT at the wedding!!!

Okay my take on the email. I believe you did the correct thing by only telling him the facts and not asking anything about him. He could have just replied a simple Thanks and I hope things are well type thing.

I think it is interesting how he went on to tell you about what was going on anyways. I think it is funny how he put in there the fact that you never replied back to him. Looks like that may have bothered him. HA HA HA! ( Good let something bother him )

I believe he is trying to get you to talk more to him and that is why he asked you where you evacuated too and by telling you about the cat. That is so sad Precious!!! He could have just left that info out. He knew it would make you sad to hear that. And what a big ole meany for telling you about getting new floors in his home. Why even share that info. Any of it for that matter. Couldn't he have left that info out? In fact I don't see why he even told you any of that.
I believe everything you pointed out are valid feelings towards what he has written to you. I do believe he is trying to bate you into talking to him or falling for his old moves. It's like he knew what to say that would bother you and it did, it really upset you.

I would print this out take it to your counselor and tell her how you felt and see what she says.

Feel your feelings but try not to dwell on it. Get it all out!!!

Hang in there Precious!!!

(((Precious)))

September 9, 2008
11:05 pm
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OMG!!! This stupid computer ate my psost again!!! I am going to throw this thing out the window!!!!

Way to push yourself!!! I know it is hard but you will be even happier in the morning when you wake up and realize that you did it. I bet your dog loved it! I do not have any pets. I wish I had a dog. My sister has a dog and I am in love! She just loves to go outside and run around. She is so cute!! I love it when I have been anway and return and she goes nutz when I walk in the door!!! That's the best feeling ever.

Yeah i agree he didn't have to write all that stuff. He thought that I would respond though. But I didn't HAHAHAHA!!! You are right the fact that I did not respond did upset him. Good! Oh Well!!

Thanks for the suggestion I was planning on sharing the e-mail with my therapist. That reminds me don't you go tomorrow to see your therapist? Are you looking forward to it? I am looking forward to seeing mine (but you already new that)hehehe! I hope you have a good session.

I wish you sweet dreams and A GREAT WEDNESDAY!!!! Three more days until football!!!!! GO DAWGS!!!!!

((((LOST))))

Precious

September 9, 2008
11:15 pm
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lostagain27
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Precious

Way to go for not responding! that is great will power. Yes "oh well" how he feels about it. Don't worry about hurting him... only do what is best for you and you are by not responding back to him. I know it is hard but your strength is showing by not doing so! YOU ROCK PRECIOUS!!!

Please refrain from throwning the computer out the window! I know very tempting. I want to do it all the time at work! He he he

yes I see mine tomorrow afternoon. I have made a list so i don't forget anything. Probably will not get to all of it but i have it for future reference. I am excited about going. I have a lot to say even though i am still embarassed about it and I fear he will tell me i am crazy!!!

I hope you have a great night and sweet dreams too!!!

Yes only three more days! Roll Tide. I am going to the game this weekend. Wahoo!!!

(((Precious)))

September 9, 2008
11:48 pm
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SERIOUSLY?! YOU ARE GOING TO THE GAME! THAT IS AWESOME! WHO ARE YOU GOING WITH?

I wish I was going the UGA game:( It is the SEC game of the season.

I am sorry I didn't reply to your post regarding the phone calls from your friends and them answering calls from your x when you are around but not visa versa. I do not know what is up with that. It very inconsiderate if you ask me. I would have to talk to them about that. I would have to let them know that it makes you uncomfortable when they do so. I also have to ask what is up with them answering his calls when you are around but taking your calls when he is around. Sonds like game playing to me on thier part.

In regards to you not saying hello back when he said hello through your friend. There is absolutley nothing wrong with what you did. If you didn't want to say hello than you don't have to. Again the rule book...where is it writen that becasuse you do not say hello you are the Bad one? Last I checked there was no rule such as that. The rule I think is that you do what makes you comfortable in these situations. What does your rule book say about that?

You are doing GREAT SELF-CARE and that is all that matters right now. You do not owe anyone anything. You just keep on keeping on and you will just fine. Seriously.

HUG YOURSELF!!!

(((((Lost)))))

Precious

September 10, 2008
8:34 am
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Precious

I am a season ticket holder for the TIDE! Wahoo!!! I am going to the game with my sister. It will actually be really tough to go. My X would always go with me he loved Bama as much as i did and I loved tailgating and going to the games with him. it was one of the fun things we did together. So this saturday will be a tough one. Going to the game for the first time without him. It's one of those first you have to get through. I thought i was over the firsts but I guess not. Trying not to dwell on it too much. Just makes me sad.

I am not sure what is up with my friends and what they are doing. Lately I haven't felt like they have been there for me b/c of some other things that have been going on. I plan on saying something. I am trying to talk about how I feel now and let people know instead of bottling it up. It only causes me resentment when i don't say anyting at all. I will be with some of them Friday night and plan on bringing it up.

You are right there is no rule that says I had to say hey back to him. I didn't feel like saying hey and being friendly. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't deserve it as much as he hurt me. And if he really wanted to say hey he would call or write. that is my take on it.
It really does bother me that I never hear from him. I haven't heard from him in three weeks. It makes me feel like I was never anything to him. Never has he asked me if I was really doing alright and how I was taking things. NOr has he expressed how he was sorry for any of it. that makes me angry too!

I couldn't fall asleep last night. I was having a converstatino with him in my head. I hate when i do that. It just goes on and on. When i do this sometimes i think i should write it out in a letter to him to get it out of my head. I was just thinking about how if i were to ever talk to him again I would tell him how much the hurt me and why.

Well i will quit rambling. I am at work early to make up time for my apptointment this afternoon. I hope it makes me feel better!

HOpe you are having a good day Precious!

Lost

(((Precious)))

September 10, 2008
9:10 am
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September 10, 2008
10:09 am
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Well, today is a new day! I read your posts daily, but have not posted because the two of you have developed such a comradarie and admiration/support system with each other.

You both have all this going on in your lives and both find time to post encouragement and support for me (thank you, thank you) and many others. You are both great women.

Precious--you are so right about the ex. He is baiting you and you did not take the bait. I am sorry about your cat. The flooring--jerk! His email was so friendly and conversational, like nothing negative has transpired. Stay strong like you are.

Lost--it must be hard to be in the same group of friends as your ex. The hi through another party is just weak on his part. Good not to acknowledge it.

I know you have good days and bad days and I wish you both good days today.

September 10, 2008
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September 24, 2010
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Sad about it

Hop in anytime you want too! Precious and I have made a connection but I also like to here from others and want other connections as well. This place is like home to me and very safe. I don't have this anywhere else.

How are you doing? You say today is a new day. Are you feeling better?

It is hard to have the same friends as my X i am want to make new friends but i find it so hard to do.

(((sad)))

September 10, 2008
10:26 am
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suzieQ_85
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September 30, 2010
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hey lost and precious,

how are the two of you doing? i dont have time to catch up on the posts but i wanted to let you both know that i care and that i hope youre doing well.

i did read about the email precious. I think you are doing the right thing. you are very strong for not responding and that power youre gaining will grow bigger so that you will become less and less vulnerable to his attempts.

lost, i understand how frustrating it is that he is "playing the nice guy". realize its only that, play. my ex does it as well and i try to think that REAL people know REAL people. so my real friends/ our real friends will see it for what it is.

did you go for a walk/run? did you find a yoga class?

my party was nice. i still feel a bit insecure after all that has happened so i need to rebuild my sense of self and when i go out that really becomes evident.. in the way i feel.
but it was nice to meet new people.

hope you are all well

September 10, 2008
10:42 am
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sad about it
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Lost--My day cannot go worse than yesterday. When he showed up at my door and my guard was down, it all went to heck quickly. I am nervous about what may take place today, but I am prepared and on guard. I hope he was lying about working in the neighborhood.

It is tough to find new friends and be comfortable especially with the stuff we are going through--we are not ourselves. Ex and I have a friend in common and he is playing the nice guy (thanks Suzie) with her. With the mail incident that came to my attention yesterday (she is the mail carrier) I wondered how loyal she is. May lose contact with her as well, but I do not want people in my life that I have to second guess. Crazy what this is doing to my life and how I think--getting to feel only safe in my home. You sound much more outgoing than I am. The upcoming wedding must be on your mind.

A good day to all--time to rise up and conquer (sp).

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