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lost trust and having jealousy issues
August 13, 2012
10:01 pm
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fedup10576
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September 15, 2011
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I have been with my husband for 2 yrs. I found an email he sent to a sales lady asking for her facebook account to be friends. When she responded she kept it private he still replied about the sales item they were discussing then included this "Now, on a more personal note, I seriously doubt that you could ever offend me, I still would like to know you, so with your permission, may I have your Facebook info? Doesn't matter if it is your old one, I will understand if the answer is no, but still I wanted to ask." This has been eating at me for some time now. When I asked him about it, he got mad at me for reading his emails. It is not my fault he left his mail up on the computer and he always tells me he has nothing to hide from me. He became defensive about this and told me I invaded his privacy. I also noticed he still has her number in his new cell phone. There is no need for him to still have her number since the auto purchase. Yes I looked. He has even handed me his cell to make calls or text on so it didn't seem to be a problem to him. My issue is now he is deleting the history on the computer so I can not see what he has been doing on it and he changed all his passwords. This makes me feel like he is hiding something now. He tells me I have nothing to worry about but his flirting with this woman has caused me not to trust him as I once did. I apologized for invading his privacy. But I can't seem to get over this jealousy and mistrust. It seems to be in the back of my mind most of the time. I want to move past this in our marriage. How can I trust again and move forward and get out of this rut? I do not want my jealousy to ruin my marriage or my life.

August 15, 2012
7:24 pm
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episkopos
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I can only imagine how you feel. Perhaps you should tell him sincerly how you feel. Allow him to explain after all he has assured you that there is nothing going on. However if you still are not convinced, then find a way to catch him red-handed.

August 20, 2012
5:36 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I don't want to even touch on my issues concerning trust of a friend or a spouse, but this is a serious problem overall. I can only speak from experience, but some men & likely some women are very sly and sneaky when it comes to making it appear that you can trust them. I would not spend too much time trying to "catch him redhanded" though. What I would do is live your own life to the fullest. Outside of your financial responsibilities, I would go out and do exactly what your heart & mind tell you to do without any hesitation. Am I telling you to lie or cheat on your husband? No. But distance yourself from his mind games. If he leaves a page open on his computer, close it and don't look at his messages, Facebook account or anything that will get your mind spinning. He is taking pleasure in trying to manipulate your feelings. DO NOT LET HIM. If you stick to your own plans, he will eventually stop or you will eventually decide that he simply is not worth your time or effort anymore.

August 20, 2012
12:19 pm
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Noloja
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June 24, 2012
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Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

August 20, 2012
2:46 pm
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Jacob Scott
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Bevdee is now posting under Noloja.

Trolls Suck

August 20, 2012
6:13 pm
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nerph
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LOL that's not bevdee I see a pic of a bat.... very telling.

August 21, 2012
5:37 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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You guys are killing the site. If it makes you happy, seriously, banter on.... On the other hand, for those of you that want to share, please ignore the others.

August 21, 2012
6:30 am
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Tryingtoleave
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@ onedaythiswillpass. THANK YOU!!! Thanx for saying that. I agree. Go away trolls go away

September 1, 2012
9:09 pm
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heroworshipper
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I love reading all the different advice that people have to offer, it's what makes this site so very interesting

September 27, 2012
9:56 pm
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ShiningLight
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I understand how you feel but I also believe that there's something going on with your husband with other woman. If he's innocent enough then why would he delete the history of his emails and change his passwords? It feels like you're a stranger all of a sudden and you have no right to check on him. It's somehow unfair on your part since you are married and you are the legal wife. I guess it's time for you to make an action. I'm not saying to make a scandal and catch him red-handed but there are lots of ways to deal a kind of husband whose almost caught up of cheating. You can try to convince him and ask him smoothly if he has another woman or not. If he has an affair outside your marriage then try to figure out what could have caused it before making any decisions. Or if not then double your effort to restore your relationship with trust, love and faith.  Or better yet consult a marriage counselor that can help you deal with marriage issues/conflicts and somehow support you on finding ways to strengthen your bond as husband and wife. Most of all, do not forget the fact that you are still an individual so enjoy your life as a woman with dignity and honor. Make your husband realize that you are an extra ordinary woman whom he chose to marry from the start.

October 18, 2012
5:08 am
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AngieB
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Insecurity can take you over if you let it. I look at it this way. Say the worst case scenario happened. He is cheating. Will you die? No. The truth is, if he wants to cheat he is going to cheat. All the checking in the world won't change it. All you can change is you. Know that if the worst happens you will survive. If the worst happens then you are better off. Life is too short to spend with someone who doesn't love you like they should. The bottom line is, you think you can control this. Him. You can't. All you can control is you. Will you be ok no matter what he does? Yes! If he is cheating will you crumble in to a million pieces? No. Be strong. Leave it alone. If he is cheating it will come out. Live your life. Pretend to be secure until you become secure. He will view you differently and vice versa. It's going to be ok because you are going to rely on yourself. THAT is what you CAN control. Good luck!

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