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Lost & Scared
October 5, 1999
11:29 pm
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niko
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Im 38 years old and feel that im at my end of my rope I have a wife and 2 kids that I love but tired of putting them thru a poverty life.I went to work on friday 1 oct and pulled the most stupid stunt I told everyone that i was robbed by gun point well police were called and I played it off as if I were robbed they called detectives in and they questioned me and I still kept up the stry I coudnt stop my self I knoe it was wrong but by that point I was so scared i couldnt turn back fearing of being arrested well they found out I was liying and to my suprise I am now charged with attempted disorderly conduct and suspended from my job, So now I feel like a compleate idiot and wanted to smash my truck into anything just so I can end it all but I couldnt I kept thinking of my family. So know I face criminal charges and am so scared I dont know what to do. My life is not so meaningful right now and I hope I can hold out put it is going to be real hard so if anyone can help please do I am so desperete for help, I know if i were gone my kids wont have to go thru all the pain i put them thru........please help someone....

October 6, 1999
10:28 am
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bel
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Hi Niko,

Why did you pull that stunt? You wanted attention? You wanted all to maybe pass a hat around and give you some money for what was supposed to have been stolen from you? We all act foolish at times and most of the time we do it when we are desperate and at the end of our rope. Im not saying what you did was wrong but you did it, it's over and now you just need to accept the responsiblity for it and move on. Can you take a 2nd job? Can your wife work? Do you qualify for food stamps? Your children will love you now matter what you are as long as you love them, have food on the table for them, a roof over their head and give them the attention a father should. Your wife should feel the same way, as long as your their to help her with the kids, your trying to provide and have the love for your family that is all that matters. I know times are hard, I have a hard time myself but we have to make the most of what we have and can do. I don't know if I am helping you or not but I can listen very good :), so feel free to post here whenever you care too and I and others will listen.

Take Care
Bel

October 6, 1999
10:38 am
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lost soul
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niko, i do not know why you have to do that.But everybody makes mistake, so long as you know it and try hard to change it,its Ok.Go look for a job. be serious in it, work hard and do the best you can.You will make it.I believe your wife and kids will love to see you home safely and happy even you don't give them much money. A family which is strong is good enough.Rich family does not mean that they are truely happy family.
All the best!

October 6, 1999
10:46 am
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Anonymous
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The Qualities of Survival

Several years ago I found myself a long way from home in a small prison cell. As a prisoner of war, I was tortured, humiliated, starved and left to languish in squalor for six years. It's important that you get a vivid mental picture of this scene. Try your best to smell the stench in the bucket I called my toilet and taste the salt in the corners of my mouth from my sweat, my tears and my blood. Feel the baking tropical heat in a tin-roofed prison cell - not that you'll ever be a POW. If I am effective in these few moments we spend together, you'll see that the same kind of challenges you face as a teenager, a student, a leader, or a parent, are the same basic challenges I faced in a prison cell: feelings of fear, loneliness, failure and a breakdown of communication. More importantly, your response to those challenges will be the same response I had to have in the prison camp just to survive. What qualities do you have within you that would allow you to survive in a prison camp? Please pause here, think about this question, and write in the margin of this page at least five different qualities necessary for survival. (If you've written faith, commitment or dedication, you've already broken the code.) As I worked my way through the first several months and then years of imprisonment, I found I already had a foundation of survival tools learned in life from my parents, preachers, youth leaders, and teachers. And the life-saving techniques I used in that prison camp had more to do with my value system, integrity and religious faith than anything I had learned from a textbook. Sound like your life? The adversities you face in your life can be just as debilitating to you as six years in a Communist prison camp could have been to me. Now here's the test: The next time you have a huge problem facing you, turn back to this page and read not my writing but your writing in the margin. You'll find that the same factors you've written here, which would serve you well in a prison camp, will serve you even better in the challenge of everyday life.

By Charlie Plumb from A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul

October 6, 1999
10:48 am
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Anonymous
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John's Corner

More often than I care to admit, I bump into a problem that shakes the very core of my being and challenges the heart of my belief system. At such times, I feel the world closing in around me and a tendency toward desperation begins to raise its ugly head. My first impulse is to fight back, to attack the attacker, to react by either running from or toward the problem.

But I do not follow my first impulse any longer. I now stand back and look at the problem for a while. I observe it from different points of view, all the while realizing that I am not the problem but that the problem is just an indication of a small adjustment I have to make in my thinking.

No problem is bigger and more powerful than we are. We are all children of the Infinite. The Universe is biased on our side. We have within us untapped strength and wisdom to deal with all challenges that come our way.

All problems have within them the seeds of their solution. We must learn to listen to the Silence, to hear the instructions from within and to follow the "still small voice." Life whispers to us all the time. It tells us to go this way or that, to take this road or the other. When we are frightened by what appears to be major problems, we block the "still, small voice" from our consciousness and only hear the howling winds and the thunder of the storm.

Find a quiet spot in the middle of the turbulence. Go to a quiet place within your soul and stay there for a short while. Do not rant and rave at the problem. Just go to this spot and let your fears be calmed, even for a moment. Don't listen to the call of the problem but, rather, listen for a few seconds to the song of your soul.

I often say that it's not what's happening around you that causes anxiety but what you think about what's happening around you. Remove your thoughts from the problem for a short while. Don't try NOT to think about the problem. That doesn't work. Just remove your focus from the problem and think of something else. With a little practice, it becomes second nature.

Know that you're bigger and stronger than anything that seems to annoy you. Look away, for a short while, from your problem and know that its solution is coming to you. Trust the force that created you and placed you in this part of the universe. Trust the process that has sustained you until now. Let go of the problem. Remember that it is not the problem that's holding on to you but that it's you who are holding on to it.

Let it go. Don't be like the man who was frantically rowing away from shore while his boat was firmly tied to the dock. If you want to get to the other side of the problem, you must cut the rope that's holding you to the dock.

Soon you'll begin to see signs that you're on your way to success. Don't stop what you're doing and look around all day for such signs. You WILL see them. Ideas will come to you. You'll have strange urges to take action by calling someone, writing a letter, sending an email. This is the "still, small voice" speaking to you.

Your problems are not more powerful than you are. You have the key to success. It is your birthright. No one can ever take it away from you. Be still and know who you are. Be calm and feel the countless tides of the centuries running through your mind. Know that you're unique and that there is not another human being on this earth that has the combination of talents and abilities you have. You are as valid as the sun and the stars.

As Commander Spock would say..."Live long and prosper."

John Harricharan

-;-*-.,,.-*-;-*-.,,.-*-;-*-.,,.-*-;-*-.,,.-*-;-*-.,,.-*-;-*-.,,.-*-;-

October 6, 1999
6:00 pm
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nikihish
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I am sure your family loves you no matter what happens as long as you are there for them. Being there is the most important thing you can give your family along with love. My dad works part time at a convenience store, about 2 or 3 days a week. It brings in little money, that money goes to bills. He had been out of work for about 5 years or so, and we lived in poverty practically. When we moved here 4 years ago my mom had to take care of my grandparents, so she could not get a job, and my father was constantly in the hospital with heart problems. I am a senior in high school right now, 17 years of age, and have been through many tough times during my life. The only wealth I felt was love. No matter what had happened in the past with my dad, no matter if we had money or not, he loved me and I loved him more than anything. He was there, most of the time, when I needed him that is all that mattered to me. The love between family is the most important thing you can give it will mean more than anything you could ever buy and it will show true compasion and you will not feel at all like a failure, because you have tried your best. Life > Death ?
I hope you read this and understand what I mean and take it into consideration before you leave, family or life. Love always from me, take care

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