Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
Lost my Focus..Having a bad day !!!
March 17, 2005
8:05 am
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi All….I’m feeling very down today and seem to have lost my focus on my healing…I woke up this morning with so much anger, anger at my life, anger at God, anger at my ex and just plain anger at the world.

Since my break-up, I’ve come to many realizations in my life. I’ve realized that not only was my relationship with my ex the most toxic thing on the planet, so were most of the relationship with my friends, so I’ve had to cut them out of my life.
Losing 4 (ex and 3 close friends) people I loved and cared about in a 2 month period has been SO hard !
It took me therapy and this last break-up to realize that I need to change my life in a big way.

When my alarm goes every morning, I dread the day. I actually feel ill knowing I have to face another day. Knowing that it’s another day thinking about what my ex did to me, thinking about how I need to make an effort to develop new friendships or face being alone every weekend. It just seems like everything is such a huge effort.

I’ve struggled for 5 long years with depression. Though I’ve come a long way in 5 yrs (after my 11 yr break-up), I feel like this struggle never ends.
I used to have such a good outlook on humans. I used to think no matter what someone did, underneath they were good. Well it’s taken me too many yrs to realize there are some people that are just down right bad/evil.

My ex of 11 yrs was cheating on me for a year and then left me for a girl with HIV (sleeping with her and me unprotected) and this recent ex was living a double live (cheating, S &M with others, doing many drugs..etc.)

How the hell do you wake up everyday knowing the two people you loved the most were so evil? How the hell do you trust anyone ever again? What is God trying to teach me?
How do you find happiness inside when you are so bitter and angry?
It’s a bad day…..

March 17, 2005
8:19 am
Avatar
kc30
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Peace, I'm so sorry you're having a bad day- bad days suck, yhey don't last forever but it feels like it when you're in one.

Keep writing it out!

March 17, 2005
9:58 am
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi peacesoul,

I am sorry you have had such lousy life/relationships. Most of us come from dysfunctional families. NO wonder we keep repeating what was handed down to us from our parents.

Several years ago, I went through a healing process. I best book I can recommend to you for emotional healing is "Finding peace for your heart", by: Stormie Omartian. It is an excellent book that enabled me to forgive and forget all the abuses and the hurts of my past.

I am so proud of you for wanting to start over in a new life.

Keep up the great work, I am praying for you, sweetie, God bless,

Rasputin

March 17, 2005
11:08 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Peacesoul: Sorry you are feeling poorly today. I related so much to what you said re: the ex and friends. I also let 2 long time friends go last year. It wasn't something I planned but I realized that I was putting up w/ a lot to be friends w/ them and wondered what my value was to them when it seemed like I was always a low priority to them, they were insulting to me, etc. So I said enough. Maybe all of this self awareness and "recovery" is changing me for the better but I end up even more alone than before. But I also don't have the stress of dealing w/ these people anymore. They didn't make me feel good. Leaves me too much time to think about things.

Hang in there. I hope it gets better. SD

March 17, 2005
11:34 am
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi..thanks all for your encouragement. You're right SD, the stress of having these people as friends is tougher than being alone.
These poeple have been close friends for over 20 yrs too.
This will force to make new friends.

Rasputin...that's the weird thing, I come from the best most well adjusted home. This is what I don't get. Even my therapist does not understand it.

Thanks for your kind words and prayers

March 17, 2005
12:19 pm
Avatar
Refuse2GiveUp
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You don't necessarily have to come from a troubled past to be with depression. Depression is an illness that affects a wide range of people, from all different backgrounds. It is a sickness that can be intensified by certain situations, however.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Have you taken any tests for HIV? If your ex was sleeping with someone who had HIV, I think you'd feel safer if you knew. You probably have already done this, I apologize for not knowing if this is an issue that you've talked about before.

I just want to say that I hope you are able to give yourself credit for making some tough decisions (concerning your ex's and your friendships.) You did what was right for you, and sometimes it's hard to remember how bad things were after we are out of the situation, we tend to focus on the things we enjoyed about it (such as having something to do on the weekends.) I admire you for making the choice that fits you best, even if it doesn't feel so great some of the time.

You are also looking at the positive things in this, such as when you said that losing these friendships will force you to create new ones with others. But at the same time, I empathize with that feeling of not wanting to get up in the morning, not wanting to face the day. I am so familiar with that feeling, ugh. Sometimes it takes all of my strength and all of my energy just to simply put on clothes in the mroning and walk out the door. I can barely get myself to shower sometimes. It gets bad...but it also gets better. Trust in that.

I wish you peace. Refuse2GiveUp

March 17, 2005
12:22 pm
Avatar
angel1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can relate to some of your experiences with relationships..I've had my share too..In one of my past relationships I was seeing a guy I met in recovery..I feltat least both of us are trying to seek help and addmitting we have some problems..well he moved in with me..and it was one thing after another..I was in this relationship for 4 yrs and had hell getting out of it..I was left with herpes..he had a child with another female I didn't find out till it was over..he ran me off the road and I was beat down in the street..the list goes on..and know I'm in a marriage (3yrs) that is not working..I've been trying to get out but he won't leave..he uses..he's not working..he's very depressed and I'm stressed out dealing withit..just one bad relationship after another..I don't blame them I blame me..I'm the one who chooses to get involved..I'm the one who can't say no..if not physicaly..mentally..there something wrong with me..when am I going to stop..when will I get to the point where I can say no more..this is what I need to work on..focusing on me..doing what I need to do for me..I'm past being angry with them..I need to forgive myself..and that is what I struggle with...Angel1

March 17, 2005
12:50 pm
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Refuse2GiveUp....yes I got tested. This was 5 yrs ago. Let me tell you waiting for the test results to come in was TORTURE !!!!

Men are suck assholes when it comes to trying to harm women. Most men have NO regard for women at all !

Angel, these are choices me make.
I have my shit together other than picking men. I have a great job, new car, house, good friends (now all good ones left), you would think from the men I have picked I was white trash. But these men were everyday guys with deep dark secrets.

I think they all have secrets.

Thanks for your kind words all

March 17, 2005
12:51 pm
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh and the tests were negative

March 19, 2005
12:52 am
Avatar
ALADDIN
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

PEACESOUL IM GLAD THAT IT IS NEGATIVE I HOPE YOUL FIND HAPPINESS AND THINK OF YOU BUT I FEEL YOU CANNOT PUT ALL MAN ALIKE AS THERE IS SOME ASSHOLES THAT DONT RESPECT WOMAN THERE IS WOMAN THAT ARE THE SAME.IT SEEM TO ME THAT YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO DOING THE BEST OF IT I LIKE YOUR SPIRIT.ONLY THE BEST FOR YOU,TAKE CARE.

March 19, 2005
1:00 am
Avatar
suckernomore
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Peacesoul,

Don't know if it will help you or not, but what's been helping me when i wake up and my depression is staring me in the face is to continue healthy habits i've started the last couple months.

For me, that is reading a daily meditation and spending about 10-15 minutes in meditation. Actually learned to meditate from Meditation for Dummies, and it always centers me and gets me ready for the day ahead.

Hope it helps, and sounds like your life is doing well for yah!

March 19, 2005
8:58 am
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Alladin and sNomore....

Meditation for dummies..never heard of that...I'm going to check that out !

Alladin, I do not put all men in the same "AHOLE" boat...but when I finally meet a some that are not, then I will believe.hehehe

I do have some wonderful male friends, and they are great people so no I do not think all men are jerks.
I do however think all the men I fall in love with are. I have an AHOLE magnet installed in me somewhere and I have to get it surgically removed

Thanks all

March 19, 2005
9:59 am
Avatar
ron9871
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

peaceful if it makes u feel any better about yourself ie values there are some real cold hearted witches out there also

March 19, 2005
10:13 am
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ron....I know that is true. It doesn't make me feel better, but I know you're right.

😉

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
42 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 108000

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38527

Posts: 714163

Newest Members:

ltybcrfDazy, Avalanchedxq, gtnfyzDazy, ufkkfDazy, uthvfgeape, vfqfDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer