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Lost In Space With More Broken Heart
May 25, 2005
1:04 am
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luv2luvher
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Well, it had been a month since I have heard from her. So not thinking the phone rings and without hesitation I pick it up. I had been doing some work on a friends computer so I though it was him. Well, when the other end picked up it was "Her". My heart jumped out of my chest.

Her soft voice asked "what have you been up to?" I so badly wanted to slam the phone down and pretend it never happened and another part of me wanted to find out what she wanted. So like an idiot I stayed on the phone. She says that she has been trying to reach me through the month but lost my number and tried to contact my father, thought about coming over to my place, etc.. I asked her why she called and she said she just needed to talk.

Make a short story out of it. We talked for a bit and she broke down in tears saying that she was sorry she messed up and lost the number and she was getting scared that she would never be able to talk to me again... Bla bla bla.. She proceeded to talk and she came out with that she wished she could have her life back, I told her that she knew I always would take her back all she had to do was take the step. She says she is still scared, not with what has happened in the past with us, but the fact that she could not forgive herself let alone someone else if they had done what she had done "end up pregnant less then 2 months after leaving me and I moved out". I have learned it takes a bigger person to forgive then to let it kill me inside. She is worried that I will always have the small voice in the back of my mind about what she did. I told her she would never know if she didn't try. I even offered up counseling to see if what we had is worth saving. Maybe she will take me up on it. Right now she is caught up in her own pride and refuses to ask for help. She is running out of money, she is about to be laid off, she will be a mother possibly tomorrow, and I am more then certain her emotions are running high.

Since she didn't call for a month I struggled to move on and I had made very good progress then this happens. I don't know what to do. I so badly want to be with her and think to this day that she is my soulmate. I can't give up on her. I did tell her though she needs to make up her mind if we are over or not and not to call me if that is what she chose. Got I hurt so bad now, that I am right back where I started. What do I do..? I can not give up on us..

May 25, 2005
9:14 am
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CAMER
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Wow, hi (((luv))) it always happens that way, you start to get over someone and bam! she calls!!

Just think of the past and the reasons why you broke up and be honest with yourself and see if anything has changed, and if she is willing to change to, down the road.

I know you have alot on your plate, and i know you have lotsa feelings for her, just take your time thru all of this, i'd hate to see you get back with her and then have things dissolve again.

My prayers are with you honey, and just know that you did make it this far, and though times are tough, you can make it thru life without her, if that's the way it is meant to be. Who knows, maybe she will change, but all that change has to be up to HER, and
do not settle for less, you are such
a worthy, caring person and deserve the best in life, and don't ever forget that!!!!!

(((camer)))

May 25, 2005
9:26 am
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lollipop3
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Hi Luv,

My thoughts are with you. I've had the same up and down, rollercoaster relationship with my boyfriend.

Please don't make the same mistakes that I've made. I understand that you don't want to give up on her or your relationship but Camer is right...

At least try to take an honest look at your past together and see if changes have ACTUALLY been made. I've done this too many times where I take him back based on his PROMISES and not ACTION...only to find myself in the same situation weeks or months later, with the added element of self loathing for falling for it yet again!

I understand that you love her very much, as I love my boyfriend very much but do yourself a favor....give it time. There is no need to rush into anything. Get help, get support, set your boundries and stick to them.

You say she is your soulmate...if that is the case, she will understand that you need to help yourself and that you cannot work on a relationship with her until you begin to actually see change.

I am exactly where you are right now. I understand.

With the help of this site and everyone here....hopefully we can get through this.....together.

Good Luck and I'll be thinking of you

Lolli

May 25, 2005
10:43 am
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starshine
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Luv2luvher,
I understand, I go through the same thing with my ex. It's like they have a sixth sense (or Spidy-sense as I call it) and move in when they know you are vulnerable to their attack. It brings everything rushing to the forefront of your mind, including all the hurt you are feeling over the loss of the relationship. But a short-term fix is not the solution to a long term problem. Has she changed, or has she promised you she will change? Actions are all that is relevent here, words mean nothing without action behind them. I know its hard, I've fallen for it over and over again. But you know the definition of insanity....doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results! The results are always the same, and wounds that are slowly healing are ripped open once again. Be careful honey, my thoughts are with you.

Starshine

May 25, 2005
11:17 am
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sdesigns
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Hi Luv: So sorry that happened. What a position you are in. Taking her back would be very different now though- she will have someone else's child as aprt of the equation. could you really overcome any feelings about that- forver? that kid will be a constant reminder as well as a responsibility for you. Thats huge. If the relationship was fragile before, the future will be much much tougher. SD

May 25, 2005
2:43 pm
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kathygy
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Keep in mind that at this time she is very vulnerable. You can't know if she really wants you or just wants someone because she is having a baby and is running out of money. Don't make it too easy for her to come back. Let her prove that she has changed. She has deeply hurt you and shouldn't be able just to waltz back into your life. However, I would go to therapy if she is willing.

May 25, 2005
7:11 pm
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luv2luvher
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Thank you all for your input on this. I have to make it clear that she only stated that she wants her life back. I will not let her just waltz back into my life. As a matter of fact I think everyone would be proud of me for how strong I stayed with her on the phone. When I first picked up the phone I was like what do you want, you have the odasity to call after a month. She broke down in tears, like not talking to me for the rest of her life would kill her. Normally, the old me would have gave into that but I didn't and I told her it doesn't work anymore and that she couldn't keep doing that. Finally after about 10 months she started to appologize for the things that she has done. I don't think she has fully changed. She still scared and confused and I understand being pregnant is not helping her emotions. I just want her to be alright. I hate to see her hurting or having a hard time. But I will not by all of you here just let her waltz back into my life. I have grown to much to allow myself to be minupulated by her again. Much is appreciated by all of you and I do take all your advice seriously. Much Luv,
Luv2LuvHer

May 25, 2005
7:43 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey luv2luveher,

Sorry, I was offline just got online only now.

I like the posters' replies very much and would agree with their sound and wise counsel. I was not in a similar situation before though. So, am unable to judge. But, as stated take the posters advice.

Thank you for your feedback, I so much appreciated it.

I am sorry for the hard time you're going through right now.

I wish you God's best, you sound like a very warm and caring gentleman!

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

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