Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Losing Myself In Relationship
September 23, 2001
8:47 am
Avatar
shades
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

At the beginning of every relationship I am very independent. After the relationship develops I find myself consumed with the person I am with. Independence is out the window at this point. Need advice on how to gain it again.

September 23, 2001
1:09 pm
Avatar
cerry
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Don't loose it in the first place.

I have been noticing that as a relationship develops we tend to do alot of things for the one we have an interest with and/or give up our friends just to be with that other person. We somehow along the line we give up so much of OUR interests and focus on the other person that we tend to feel like we lost part of ourselves. My advice keep some your independence and still take care of number 1 who happens to be YOU.

Cerry

September 23, 2001
1:33 pm
Avatar
gypsygirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

shades, I find my self in the same boat. It is good that we reckonize (sp)it though.

September 24, 2001
3:43 pm
Avatar
pill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This happens to women so often. It's hard for us as nurturers to not want to give everything and abandon ourselves. You just have to stop yourself and keep busy even if it does feel boring compared to the new love.

September 24, 2001
5:37 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Very very true. One practical piece of advice that I can offer would be to set one goal that is independent of your partner, be it staying in shape, learning about a subject, training for an event, exploring a hobby, whatever, and making sure that that is high on your list of priorities. That way you are still developing yourself as a person outside of your partner too, which will make you happier and will make your relationship happier too. After all, he fell in love with the independent you, not the dependent you, right? 😉

September 25, 2001
1:17 pm
Avatar
pill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh you said it Ging... He does love the independent - not dependent. He has needs too and we can't expect him to take care of us completely... so we have to take care of ourselves too.

September 25, 2001
6:06 pm
Avatar
ms. T
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just do me a favor, and examine those around you. I am the friend who has bent over backward for someone who is now willing to give up my friendship to be with a jerk who has treated her terribly. This is devastating for those who truly care about you. Don't let yourself get lost; keep track of who you are by surrounding yourself with those who are honest and have good energies to share with you. Good luck!

September 26, 2001
12:05 am
Avatar
suds
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have a book entitled, "The Missing Piece and the Big O". It is about rolling on our own and not be a missing piece to someone or making someone a missing piece to you. You are complete as you are. Dependence is allowing the other person to fill the void in you. I once said to my boyfriend, "you are such a big part of me, imagine that will be taken out! i will just die".and i just said this to him the other day! Today, realizing it...I wasn't listening to the words i said!

September 26, 2001
5:26 am
Avatar
wallace
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Women seem prone to dropping their friends when they hook up with a guy they are crazy about. Men don't seem to do that. I agree, we have a responsibility to ourselves and our sisters to maintain our friendships. After all, love affairs come and go, but good solid friends are with you for life. Why become an extension of him, when your friends appreciated & loved you for being your own person? I think we should place as much importance on our friendships as we do our love affairs.

September 26, 2001
8:31 am
Avatar
shades
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you all for your advice!!! It really helped..I've been thinking about taking up yoga again, I'll start this week! The only problem is that we live together and it makes it hard not to see him all of the time and give him space also...so don't really no what to do.

September 26, 2001
8:39 am
Avatar
shades
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh yeah and he says i am smoothering him....i don't feel like I am. What should I do never come home...what kind of relationship would that be?

September 26, 2001
11:25 am
Avatar
pam g fu
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well all to the change the channel from whomever we are involved with in our relationship to focus back on ourselves. We seem to lose our identity when we commit ourselves to a relationship and we shouldn't do that, after all our partners feel in love with who we are. Yoga is good, find something to occupy your time besides him.

September 26, 2001
2:19 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My husband and I faced the same dilemma, and it caused insane amounts of friciton between us. I got a book about relationship addiciton, and we were both in counseling (until recently when my loans didn't come in, a whole other story).

My husband's counselor recommended that we balance our socializing time. He gets 1-2 nights a week to go out with his friends, as do I, and we each get to socialize separately.

There are a lot of other techniques, and it's hard to remember them all and apply them consistently. We also have to have "alone time" every day. I use my alone time for yoga and meditation. Sometimes my husband joins me, but does his own thing - he likes to meditate, too.

I would read up on relationship/romance addiciton if I were you. It opened my eyes to a lot of problems.

September 26, 2001
9:19 pm
Avatar
suds
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cici
I agree with you! this addiction may not be acknowledged by so many but it is as destroying and lethal as any addiction.It is all about taking care of yourself and to love fully and deeply without losing yourself.

September 27, 2001
3:02 pm
Avatar
shades
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks I will look into relationship/addiction...I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer