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Losing my best friend
February 27, 2001
9:25 pm
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Cutie14
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Hi, so I cut...again...not many people know though, my parents don't know, but my psycologist does. Anyway, I have this best friend, missy, whom I adore, we have been best friends for 3 years and I love her so much and her family too. Anyway, her family and her know about me cutting, and being depressed and the hospital. Well when I told Missy that I cut again, she spazzed. She started crying hystaricly but didn't talk to me about it, she just walked out of the class room. She must have told her parents and here is what they said (now remember that her parents and I are extreemly close) They think that I am "walking all over her and taking advantage of her"! I just got done with writing them an apology note, that I am going to give to them tomorrow, but I feel lost more than ever cause I can't talk to Missy about anything, she is supposed to be my best friend, the person I can talk to, you know? But she talks to me about her things, but I can't talk to her. It just isn't fair. I can't take this, I want to cut again so badly, but not even that helps, what should I do?????? Please help me

February 27, 2001
10:27 pm
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Alena
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Cutie, step back a minute and try to look at it from a different view.

Perhaps this happened. Missy spazzed, cried hysterically, went home, parents saw her so visibly upset at your cutting, Missy confesses to them that she can't stand to see you so distressed and she can't help you and she is so worried about you, but it's making her so sick to see you like this. Naturally, parents get so protective of their daughter, they don't want her to be so upset. They feel for you and care, but Missy is SO upset with the knowledge of your cutting. Parents say "Cutie shouldn't be laying that kind of stuff on you, she's taking advantage of your friendship, that's the kind of stuff her parents or her psychologist should know, not you Missy".........
Is any of that possible? Could it have happened that way?

She has been your very best friend for 3 years and she cares for you as much as you care for her. She'll be back after she digests all that you told her. Parents or no parents. You know you girls, who cares what the parents say. You guys are best friends, like you said, she tells you stuff, you tell her. She has alot invested in your friendship, as you do.

Please don't cut. Do whatever it is you've done before to pass this self-destructive time. I'm no expert on cutting, actually, probably no expert on anything. But I do care about another human soul who is so hurting.

Don't cut. We care. Missy cares too.

February 28, 2001
1:14 am
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NEOSPORIN
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I also have a friend who has had problems with cutting recently, and from Missy's point of view, it does feel like she's trying to manipulate me with it sometimes. Not in a "control my life" kind of manipulation, but because she's scared that she's not the focal point of my life. My friend is very insecure about her self worth, obviously because she doesn't see a problem in damaging herself. She cuts because she wants me to pay more attention to her, and the more she does it, the less I want to pay attention to her. I really care about her, I love her a lot. But she's not listening to a thing I say, and if I can't be a good influence, then why let her always bring me down? I think I'm helping, but then she cuts again the minute I turn my back because she's afraid I'll leave after she gets better. Give Missy a little credit, if she's your best friend and you talk to her that much, she needs to hear that she's doing some good by being your friend. You need to show her that she lifts your spirits. You need to stop attacking yourself to rid your inner pain. Because it doesn't rid your inner pain, it only gives you a distraction, then you compound it in your negative opinions of your personal abuse. Otherwise, you're only taking her down with you. She's confused, feels like she isn't doing enough but she's doing all she can handle emotionally. That's why she doesn't want you to talk about it. When you do it feels like she's immediately carrying yours as well as her own world on her shoulders. Friendship is supposed to be 50/50. if you want it to last you should go with her pull for a little while to correct the pull you put on her and then try and stabalize at an even keel. Otherwise you'll just keep having problems. Goodluck, it's not an easy ride for either of you, and I hope you feel better about yourself soon=)

February 28, 2001
7:36 am
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Alena
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Cutie, Neosporin makes some very good points coming from someone who has been where Missy is. You agree?

I think it's not a matter of not caring, it's a matter of not knowing how to fix it without making it worse.

February 28, 2001
5:43 pm
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GothicGirl
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Ok once again you are going to hate for what I am going to say but you know I guess I have nothing to risk cause I guess we aren't that close so whatever. But I understand where Missy is coming from and I would pull away too. See I don't know maybe not but it seems when you tell Missy you cut you want her to be there 24/7 for you listen to you feel sorry for you for cuttting. Well she has her own life to live. She has her own problems that she has to deal with. And Missy has told me that her parents have said that before so maybe she didn't even tell them you cut again. You say that everything always has to be about her but I think when you tell her you cut that is pretty big in saying listen to me or I will do it again. I mean what other reason it there to show and tell people besides for attention adn sympothy?? Well I know you are probably mumbling bad words under your breath about me by now but thats how I see it.

February 28, 2001
7:38 pm
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Cutie14
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K, you know what? I don't cut for attention, I cut cause I am overwelmed. I didn't actually tell missy, she over heard me talking about to it to one of my friends that I tell everything cause she cuts too and she is the only one I tell. You have no fucking idea how I am, or how my life is anymore. It was YOU that didn't want to be friends anymore, I'm NOT blaming anything on you, I'm just saying. I can't take your complaing anyomre, taht is all you do when you talk to me, then I start complaining to prove that you aren't the ONLY one with problems. I still cut, but if and when I do, I don't tell anyone anymore. None of anyones buisness cause all it does is make them upset so whats the point. I'm also pissed cause of how you think I am always the center of attention, cause I never am anymore, you seem to be. I am not turning anyone against you, I swear to God, I only talked to Nicole M about it cause she asked me about it since you were talking to her about it, and we were all on line at the same time. I'm not gonna talk to anyone else about it, I don't do that anymore. I know that you still like Jay though, you must, and he probably still likes you. As you know, I love him with all my heart and soul, but it seems like he hates me, did you do that? or did he do that on his own? This is pissing me off so badly, the reason why I got off line when I did is cause I coldn't take your shit anymore. And YES half of this is MY fault, but the other half is YOURs you know that right? You think I am being one sided? To hell with that, yeah right, I always keep my mouth shut about everything and I don't TRY to bring people down, and shit, you just need to leave me the fuck alone girl!

February 28, 2001
8:00 pm
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GothicGirl
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your right I will leave you alone I am out of your life forever BYE

February 28, 2001
8:19 pm
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Citra
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Hmm... You have some interesting thoughts there on cutting NEOSPORIN. Have you ever tried expressing that to your friend? I know that if my friend every told me that I was trying to manipulate her by cutting I'd actually be rather offended. I cut as well but not because I want to maniuplate my friend. I'm not doing it because I want to get her attention. The last time I cut I didn't even tell her. Not until days later, maybe even a week. I hadn't even planned to tell or even my counselor. I don't do it for attention. Sometimes the pain or just seeing the damage can be better than thinking about all that is going on. In fact, if my friend thought that, I'd say that she obviously doesn't know me that well. And I'd be very hurt by that thought.

February 28, 2001
10:04 pm
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pg lova
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Cutie,

Stop cutting yourself first of all. Missy cares about you, I can tell you that much. she cared so much that she cried when she heard about it. Maybe what her parents think that you are just doing this to get her to feel sorry for you and she keeps giving in. But, from what I hear this is not the case. I hear that you are in need of love, that you are missing and you feel that when you cut yourself is the only time you get it. My advice to you is to have your friend come with you to a church centered function because it seems you're overwhelmed by something. There was a man in the Bible "Lazzareth," who was overwhelmed and he cut himself. But when Jesus rebuked the demons from him, he was healed. So go to God, He can heal you. You haven't lost your best friend yet, but if you want to keep her, you can't do things that you know upset her. God Bless.

PG Lova
(PS If you ever need to talk to me or would like me to pray with you, I am available. e-mail me at zion_19812yahoo.com. Until then, take care of yourself.

March 2, 2001
5:03 pm
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lilvwhottie
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Cutie14..Don't you ever, ever tell people that i cut.! i might have twice but i have stopped because i am leading a better life now. and don't ever write things about me ANYWHERE even if it is good.

March 2, 2001
10:41 pm
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Cutie14
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I'm sorry lilvwhottie, I'll stay out of your life if you want, I didn't mean to hurt you or make you mad, I love you, but if you want me gone, I'll be gone.
Cutie14

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