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looks like he's going to prison
February 27, 2006
1:47 pm
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laura ann
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My son showed up in the middle of the night last night, drunk out of his mind, and probably stoned, too. I am at work and just numb. He is on probation, so he meets with a probation officer today, only I think he was 'way too wasted to keep the appointment, and even if he did the urinalysis would be "dirty". He has been told to quit doing the drugs and alcohol, or he will go to "the big house". (Sorry, I have a macabre sense of humor.)
The hell of it is that he doesn't steal cars, or hurt children, or burglarize or rob banks. He is going to prison for being very self-destructive, and very stupid. He was doing really, really well, attending meetings, working, not drinking or drugging, but he kept on going back to this crazy woman who would buy him booze and drugs if he would stay with her. Can't blame her, he went back to her over and over again, knowing the consequences.
I am trying to sort through and not allow myself to blame anyone else. Not my dysfunctional family, or the father who wasn't there, or the uncle who hung him in a tree in his little overalls when he was two, or the crazy girlfriend. Lots of people have overcome lots of problems, but he has continually made the worst possible choices. What makes an otherwise intelligent person who has two people that deeply love him, (that's better than nothing/Mom and a brother) lose two years of your life because you didn't want to walk away from a relationship you were miserable in, anyhow??? Go figure. Somebody say something, I am hurting bad.
Oh, an important part of the story - he's on probation because he and the girlfriend had a verbal - not physical - fight and she accused him of attempted murder. Then she went to the DA and said it didn't really happen, she had just been angry and emotional, but because of a previous marijuana charge, they completely dropped the charges but kept the probation. The cops told him over and over to stay AWAY from her, but she would track him down, offer drugs and booze, and then keep his keys, cell phone, etc so that he always had to come back for something. She would sleep with his keys, cell phone, and driver's license in her pillow slip so that he couldn't leave in the middle of the night. He would finally get away, get all of his stuff back, and then go back to her house four days later KNOWING that she would take his possessions so that he couldn't leave later. What kind of pathetic game is this? She has key scratched the car and threw the camcorder up against a wall outside. How could he ever have gone back, over and over again???? Is he crazy? Are we all crazy?
No chance of work today, I am emotionally numb.

February 27, 2006
8:47 pm
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LthrNlace
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September 27, 2010
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I am sorry for what you are going through. I work with people on probation/parole who are addicts...I understand the consequences of his actions and getting dropped by his PO. But he also knows those consequences and what happens each time he goes back to this woman. I think the sad reality is that he is just going to have to learn the lesson the hard way, even if that means the end result is incarceration. Its a hard lesson to learn. Especially since it hurts you and his brother so much and not just himself.

I guess I dont have any advice, but I do understand how you are feeling. I wish you well and hope you take care of yourself. Try relieving some stress.... take a bath, light a scented candle, and put on some music and just escape for an hour.

February 27, 2006
11:11 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Laura Ann:

Oh honey, I am sorry you are hurting. I know you are not understanding this. It's the drugs. He is dependent on them and she knows it. It's her way of keepin him. I cannot say I fully understand myself other than I have a son who was into drugs, and I have a recovered hubby and an unrecovered evil x. It's hard to know the pull the drugs have on someone if you've not experienced it yourself. Thank God you have not.

The only thing I know to say is to let him suffer his consequences. Be sure to tell him you love him, but it's time for him to deal w/ his life. You have done all you can. And truly Laura Ann you have. We cannot change anyone; only ourselves.

Nice to meet you even under the worst of circumstances. Hope you will continue to come here and post and vent and get the support you need.

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