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Looking for some tough love....
May 14, 2004
4:36 pm
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acj
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These replies are addressed to all...

acj

May 14, 2004
5:41 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi ACJ,

What you told him regarding his daughter was the right thing to do and shows the true nature of your character.

My husband and his ex-wife always put the kids first, BUT I do know that when they first seperated she told him very bluntly he had hurt her, badly at that, and that she needed time to deal with that hurt, but he could call the kids anytime.

To me you were not "pushing him" in any direction, you were telling him the correct way to act and treat his daughter. I don't know there sure seem to be lots of signs of him not exactly doing the right thing - the not wanting to be with his daughter because she is a "Momma's Girl" - that is ridiculous. You are right, she is three years old. It is a sad thing that you had to point that out to him, but lucky for the child that you did point it out.

Talking about this has made me once again realize how blessed we were in the relationship the three of us developed, and then with the kids too. Bottom line, we all wanted what was best for the kids. But you know what? They sure said some funny things! I remember when we first bought the house and were moving in, the kids were there. Organizing their new rooms, and helping us unpack, and I made dinner. Their Mom came by to get them and walk them home - and my son says "Maman, can we come here every night for dinner since you are a bad cook?" Fortunately, she has a great sense of humor - especially about her cooking!

Sorry... got side tracked. I think you are doing the right thing, and no, it does not seem to me that you are necessarily playing a game - but maybe backing off for a while.

Z.

May 14, 2004
5:53 pm
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acj
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Thanks Z... I really needed to hear that.

I believe in giving a man some space. I've never been a clingy, needy type. I've always tried to act rational and talk things out if I had a problem with something.

It just seems so sudden that he's become this way. Just last week he was calling and seeing me almost every night. This week, I've seen him once.

I'll just get busy with life and hope he comes to his senses... If not, I will still have all the wonderful things in life that God has blessed me with. I just have to have faith in God that whatever was meant to be with my love life will be done, as long as my intentions and decisions are pure and heartfelt.

acj

May 14, 2004
5:57 pm
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acj
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He called and left the same message on my home answering machine but this one was a little bit more detailed. He thinks they are going to confiscate all means of communication. So, I sent him a text message, "I love you."

He sounded nervous.... I hope he's okay. He's always more loving after having to do something like this. I think he realizes how nice it is to have someone caring about your well-being on the home front... 🙂

Pray that he'll be okay....Lord knows, I really do love this man. No matter how much crap he puts me through. But I'll play it by ear...

acj

May 17, 2004
2:45 am
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natty
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ACJ did you hear from him when he got back? How are you?

May 17, 2004
4:01 pm
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acj
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Hey---

I got a call from him at 1:30am this morning (Monday morning). He said he had gotten home a little while ago and fell asleep but wanted to let me know he got home okay. I said that I was glad to hear that. He told me a little of some of the things they did. I won't discuss them here for security reasons. I told him that I was going to go ahead and go back to bed, that I was tired. He said okay. He said, "acj, I love you." I told him I loved him too. And told him to have a good night. He said he would call me today during his lunch. Well, he's almost off from work and still no call. Oh well... I'm letting him go. I'm not going to take his phone calls, no replies to any emails (which he hasn't written me any in a while), no responses to his IMs. Nothing. I'm going to set him free. I could say that if you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.

I know he's hiding something from me and that is what hurts the most. I have been honest with him from the get-go and I thought he was too. But I was wrong. I have a deep suspicion that he still has feelings for his "ex bestfriend" and ran into her while he was down at home that weekend. He never mentioned running into her, however, I had to ask specific questions to get any answers out of him. I don't play that game. Either you're honest and upfront to me or you can move on... I know it sounds harsh, but life is too short to put up with bullshit... Sorry. I'm a little frustrated.

Thanks for asking...

acj

May 19, 2004
9:25 am
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acj
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I guess this should really be on this string.. So here it is....

Well, Coast Guard guy and I talked yesterday before I left work. He was thinking everything was okay and I was giving him space. He has mood swings because of his meds, supposedly and I just can't take them. By the time we were getting off the phone, he was crying...

SO, I got out of class early last night and decided I'd talk to him to see if he was feeling any better. Well, after sending him 2 messages and one to his cell phone, he finally got back to me at 9:30pm. We chatted a little then he said he'd let me go because he knew I had homework. I told him I wasn't doing any last night but I guess because he figured his "pillow talk" wasn't working, that I wasn't going over his house last night, he wanted to go watch the hockey game...So, an hour later, it was still showing him as online but he wasn't chatting with me... so I sent him an email.

I told him that I thought we should just be friends. That I'm not the kind of person to leave someone hanging on until I have time for them. If we go out sometime, fine. If we want to date other people, fine. If we have time to talk to one another, fine. But that I didn't want there to be any hurt feelings. I told him I loved him and said I'd talk to him later.

He writes me an email at 7:00am and another at 8:45am this morning from work. This is what the first one says---Let me know if you see the guilt trip...

"Well I thought we had an agreement already, but I guess you have an alteror motive. So I will leave you be, sorry. I tried... I cant fix everything all the time... I dont know what to do... I never wanted to see anyone else, but it sounds like you do.. so do what you have to do.. I dont know what I am gunna do now.. kinda screwed all the plans I had started up here with you...

you take care,"

Then the second email said "I got your text message to my phone today at 1:55am just so you know... it finally came through..."

Am I just imagining things?? Please give me some feedback here. I'm not writing him back until he can learn some real communication skills...

acj

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