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Looking for some tough love....
May 10, 2004
2:26 pm
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acj
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Well, I'm feeling okay today. I just need someone to tell me straight up what their pertake on my situation is. I've had a rough weekend.

My boyfriend of only 2 1/2 months told me Thursday that his family didn't know about me. Yes, we've only been dating for a few months. So, I should be okay with this. I was anxious all weekend. He went to see his folks this weekend and visit with his daughter and ex-wife for mother's day. He gave me a quilt for mother's day and gave his ex-wife money because he forgot to buy her something. I know it is over between them. But he didn't call me all weekend. He said last night that he was going to call me Saturday night (like he normally does) but because I had left him a message that I'd probably be out that he decided not to talk to the machine and just call when he got back. Well, I had specifically said in that message to call me to let me know how his dad was (thought he was having a heart attack) and to leave a message on my machine if I wasn't home.

I felt so out of place and I realized, I mean REALLY realized, how much I distrust people. He trusts people until they prove him wrong. To me, people are guilty until proven innocent.... So, I'm trying to watch him and learn how to be this way. But he turned his cell phone off while he was gone. And I should be okay with this because he wanted to spend some time with his family. I'm NOT his wife! But I felt like he had abandoned me... I was having nightmares of him spending the night with the ex-wife of three years... Do I really think that if they were going to get back together, that they would have done it by now? I really do not think there is ANY possibility of him messing around on me. I know he loves me.

I asked him before he left if I could come with him. He said not this time because it would be too hectic. He was going to see all of his family.

I just haven't met any of his friends and family and I have no way of validating anything he's told me. He's met my co-workers. So, I should really be relaxing and getting to know him and not push him. But I'm feeling anxious. My heart tells me that everything is great and I should shut up and just enjoy what a special thing we have. My mind keeps reminding me of how much I've been hurt in the past.

How can I have "blind faith" and believe that I am worth having something this great?? That I shouldn't be so suspicious of alterior motives because he has none.

He told me that he thinks I'm out of his league because I have all of my stuff together and I don't have any emotional baggage. He has no clue how hard I'm fighting myself...

What kinds of things can I be telling myself in a pep talk to remind myself that we haven't been together long and that I just need to chill out? That if he was after a "booty call" that he wouldn't have mentioned marriage, because he wouldn't have had to. Nor would he spend so much time with me and worry about my feelings. He'd expect me to work completely around his schedule and not want to go out and do things with me and my daughter....

Lay it on me.... I really want to hear some other viewpoints on this....Be completely honest. I enjoy constructive criticism.

May 10, 2004
2:33 pm
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gingerleigh
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My favorite thing to tell myself is from Free... "Easy there, pony." It makes me laugh.

Anyway, he's talking marriage after 2 and a half months? Seems a little quick, but if you two are happy together and your gut is telling you that things are ok, I'd just try to relax. I hate the whole turning the cell phone off thing though, but that's always been a pet peeve of mine. I also hate it when guys say that they will call and then they forget.

The only warning flag I can throw up right now is that you might be wrapping yourself up too much in this new relationship. It's natural to do, and I'm not faulting you for it. Are you still doing things on your own, socializing with your friends and your family without him around, even if he is available?

May 10, 2004
2:44 pm
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sissy2
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You are right for not telling him all these feelings. But as far as a ex is concerned always be a little cautious but don't let him know unless you know somthing for sure. these are normal feelings to have, you aren't the mother of his kids and that might always be in the back of your mind, beleive me I know. He is probaly just taking it slow so he or you won't get hurt, Let him make those moves and he will eventualy come round. Also talk to him as a friend and just say to him there is nothing you can't tell me that I wont understand if you ever need to talk, and just leave it at that. If you seem to eager he WILL go away LET HIM MAKE THE MOVES! Good luck

May 10, 2004
2:52 pm
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Anonymous
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I think you just need to slow down with it. I see people rush into things so often and then they wonder how things got so messed up. It takes time to TRUST someone, it takes time to get to know someone you know, and it doesnt come easily not the healthy relationships. So let it happen, and dont be rushed into anything. If he wants to turn his cell off while he is with his family thats his deal, I mean you have no control over what will happen, so you just have to basically say either I trust him to not do anything or he is doing something and there is nothing I can do about it, because in the end that is what it comes down to, there is nothing you can do about it. I remember when you met this guy though and it seems that things are going relatively quickly for you here, is that really what you want right now?

May 10, 2004
3:41 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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i was just reading that and thinking of this reply thinking about saying " maybe you had a troubled past " then read that u did have one, i think maybe youre remembering those bad things that have happened in the past and yes you have learned not to be so trusting ( im not saying you dont trust him atall ) just maybe you need to trust him a little more. if he says hes going out somewhere u may not believe him but give him the benifit of the doubt. and the marriage after 2 and half months hes a quick one ! surely tho like you said, if he wanted a qucik fling he wouldnt mention marriage. jus relax, maybe its the way he is.

May 10, 2004
3:42 pm
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CAMER
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HI acj:....i would be pissed about his calling you and not leaving a message, that is just disrespectful, even if you weren't home he still
could have left a message...As for
only knowing him for 2 1/2 mos, it
does seem kinda quick for talking about marriage (this is only my opionion) and take things slow, and
as the other people on this board said, try to balance yourself with friends and family and not have him
as your "focus". I can see you getting upset about being hurt in the
past and trusting people, a good thing
to do is sit him down and tell him
what you told us, and let him know how you feel. As for his ex wife, she
will never be out of his life since
she had a child with him, and most
likely he doesn't have feelings for the ex anymore. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

May 10, 2004
3:55 pm
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acj
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Thank you all so much.... Yes, I agree with all of you...We are rushing into things. And we do need to slow down. In his life, he's known his girlfriends for at least a year before he dated them. It's new for him too....

I do still do things with just my daughter and my friends. So does he. I just really need to work on my trust issues. Are there any type of guide lines on when a good time is for things to happen?? I have no idea what a healthy relationship time frame is... Any suggestions?

May 10, 2004
4:00 pm
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acj
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Well, he didn't call because he didn't want to leave a message... I was kinda bummed about that...Okay, VERY bummed...

May 10, 2004
4:01 pm
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Zinnie
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AJC,

You are really rushing into this. Two months, and you are already talking marriage? Whoa! Slow down.

Take your time to really learn about each other and let your love grow, at it's own pace.

As far as their being a specific time line - each relationship is different and individual. But, there are many reasons to be cautious and go slowly. Two months is not long. Not long at all.

Just enjoy yourself, and don't worry or fret so much.

Z.

May 10, 2004
4:02 pm
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acj
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Thanks, Z... I'm trying. I know that all my life I've just wanted to be married and have kids and settle down. I have everything I could ever want EXCEPT for that and I can't buy it... It doesn't make sense to me most of the time.

May 10, 2004
4:23 pm
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acj
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Aces:

You are right on the money there. The only thing I can do is trust him... And the cell phone thing is his deal. I cannot control what he does. I can only pray that he makes good choices.

CAMER--

Thanks for the vote of confidence that he probably doesn't have feeling for the ex. I feel in my heart that he doesn't.

sissy--

Thanks for confirming that guys don't need to know EVERYTHING that goes on in our little heads... 🙂 That's what girl-friends are for! 🙂

acj

May 10, 2004
4:56 pm
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Zinnie
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ACJ,

If it makes you feel better, not everyone keeps their cell phones on all the time.

My husband and I both have cell phones. We only turn them on when we are going to use them. If he is out of pocket and I need to reach him, I will call his phone and leave a message. If we are traveling, we will check our phones periodically to see if we have messages. But, other than that, they stay off. Perhaps this is what he was doing. Or perhaps he really wanted to have a day of uninterrupted time with his family.

As far as his relationship with his ex goes. To me that just spoke volumes right there. He gave her a Mothers Day gift? That is a man who has respect for the Mother of his child. That right there shows he is a man of honor.

Z.

May 10, 2004
9:27 pm
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natty
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I agree with everybody that you need to slow down. As for him talking marriage already, some people do get carried away by the lovely feelings in a new relationship and he may be just expressing how much he is really starting to like you.
My boyfriend has an ex-wife and two kids and he always buys her a christmas, birthday and mothers day present. I know he does this not because he still cares about her (he despises her actually) but because he thinks it is mean for his children not to have something to give their mother. He buys the present for them to give her. I know it's a strange feeling for you but try not to read anything in to that.

May 10, 2004
10:41 pm
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annastar
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It takes so much time to learn what person capable of. Took me almost 5 years to know my husband, and it was surprise of what he had done. Also I been reading in some book about types of men, and it was something about guys that promise you a world- telling you- they going to marry you, or by a house soon or- what ever you want, and then- you have to deserve it, and you work as crazy, trying not to mass it up, but it always some thing you done that he has to wait and see how you doing, so you getting even better, and then- suddenly- it some thing else you done, and now- he can not marry you, but he would, so you got to be even better…Also- there are other types of men, that idealize women, telling you how much they love you and set unrealistic standards. Then you having hard time to measure up to this standards, and then- they get disappointed- you are not what he thought you are. You just like his mother or his ex or who knows, but it only black or white…And they punish you, and you see how you “future house” felling apart, and family you never had just disappearing and he will take away everything he promise, because you just “not”…. So- make sure- he does not have illusions about you making him happy overtime and that he has realistic expectations of relationships. Do not “buy” what is he promise. It may take forever before he actually makes any steps. Just take it as it is- no pressure, no control, no expectations, no standards.

May 11, 2004
10:51 am
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acj
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Well, we had a big argument last night. We started out good. Telling each other we missed each other. Were going to get together and look at flowers together. I told him a friend of mine had lost his son to an automobile accident on Sunday. He said that next time he should give him a map... I was so upset, I wrote back and said that he was killed and that was completely insensitive. He said that he was insensitive to death. I told him that if I had said that to him three weeks ago when he lost one of his friends to cancer that he would have jumped down my throat. I asked him to just apologize. He said he didn't do anything to apologize for. He said that he would just stop talking to me if it was hurting me. I said, fine, ok, I don't care. I signed off.

An hour later, I signed back on just to see what else he had written. He said for me to go ahead and box up everything again. Then since I signed off, he wouldn't call me last night, and to go ahead and throw everything away. He had also put a message up by him name on Yahoo Messenger saying "Leave me alone. It's simple"

So, I didn't call him last night. Figured he was in a bad mood and I would just let him be for a bit.

This morning I checked my messages and he had written this morning that since he hadn't heard from me that I was probably still mad at him. He apologized for acting like an ass and said that he's had something bothering him for a while and it bubbled to the surface last night. He said that he would give me a few days but that he hoped he would hear from me. Told me to take care.

After I read that, I decided that I would write him back so that we could talk. I just wrote him a little note saying that I didn't call because he had requested it but that if he wanted to talk, that he could call me. I want to find out what he's been hiding from me that is bothering him so much. I just pray to God that he's not still married or getting pressured by his folks to stick things out with his ex. If so, I have a tough choice to make. I'll have to step past the hurt and get down to the nitty gritty and find out exactly what his intentions are with me.

I know one thing for certain at this point. I have made leaps towards learning what it is to trust with him. What it means to not "hang" on so tightly and let the relationship breath. I know what open communication really feels like because I've actually argued back with him and not left. I've learned a lot about myself with him so this hasn't been a waste of time. I just have to patiently wait now for him to tell me what has been bothering him and then either stick by him and help, because he's asking for it. Or leave and don't look back but take with me what I've learned.

I'm not going to take the easy way out anymore. I feel we have something special, something good for me. But he's going to have to work with me and not against me. I have too many good things going on in my life to have it all messed up. I've worked too hard to get to this point in my life: My very own house, my BS degree next summer, my Masters 2 years after that. MY DAUGHTER. I'm happy with or without him. But I need to learn to work with someone to work out problems. I can't keep building my wall up every time something happens. It's childish and I'll never become the adult I'm meant to be if I keep living my life on the run from relationships and conflict. I must stand strong to myself and my beliefs but learn to work through them with another human being. Through me, my daughter will learn what a "good" relationship looks like and how to maturely handle conflict. No, she doesn't know what's being said between him and me. But she knows that when he says something I don't like, I tell him. Nicely, but I do tell him.

Please pray that if this is meant to be or if I'm meant to learn more from this, that I do so with an open heart and open mind. Thank you all for your input. I value them greatly.

acj

May 11, 2004
11:42 am
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CAMER
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acj: my prayers are with you and i do hope all works out for the best for you...you seem to know what you want and i wish only the best for you and your daughter and the disagreements with your boyfriend.

May 11, 2004
11:43 am
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acj
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Thank you CAMER.... I sincerely appreciate that...

acj

May 11, 2004
11:51 am
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Zinnie
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Hi ACJ,

First and foremost, please accept my deepest sympathies to the loss of your friend's child. That is sad, and I feel for the parents.

Regarding the rest - what did he mean, by "box up his stuff, or throw it out?" Is he wanting to break up? Does he do this if you have a disagreement?

By the way - yes, his comment was completely out of line. Sorry, it really was. If that was supposed to be a joke, it was done in the poorest of taste.

I'm sorry this is working out like this, but at the same time, I'm proud of you for all the growth you are experiencing.

Z.

May 11, 2004
12:04 pm
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acj
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Z--

Thanks for the words of sentiment. He was 16 and had just gotten his license. He was passing a car going 70 in a 35 and hit the car coming at him head on. Died instantly.

Well, the last time we had an argument, after he said he wouldn't call me for a long time, I said fine, make it permanently. He called me back, asked for his stuff he had lent me. I had already packed it up and had it waiting for him out front. We talked it out and laughed about it later. He also informed me at that time that he knows what a great thing we have and that if he ever said anything about leaving again, to give him a few days and he'd be back. I told him that I may or may not be waiting.

Well, he's on a lot of medications. I was okay with that during the first argument because I can understand how much medications can change your moods. But when he made that comment about my friend, I'd had enough and refused to be blantantly disrespected like that. If he is having that much difficulty with his meds, then he needs to go have them reevaluated. I'm a problem-solver. If there is a problem, I don't complain about it like he does. I go off, think about and fix the problem. I know that to all people, I need to communicate what is on my mind more. I'm just so used to doing things on my own, that to include anyone in on the discussion in my head feels weird to me. But that is a problem that I am working on for myself.

I'm just telling myself over and over right now that I just need to be patient and wait for his move. The ball is in his court now. I must find out what has been bothering him. That, I believe, is the key to all the feelings I've been having over the weekend.

Of course, I do have his apartment key and truck key. He may be just being nice to me to get them back. I'll not know until he calls me. That will probably not be until after 4:30pm eastern time today...Just trying to keep myself occupied until then.

acj

May 11, 2004
12:20 pm
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acj
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He's a police officer and is currently deployed up here with the reserves. He's seen a lot of death. He just had that episode with his dad where they thought he was having a heart attack. Maybe he's afraid of losing me and thus, pushed me away last night. Shoot, if the truth be known, he's probably just as scared of being hurt or left as I am. I do feel these are natural disagreements. Just part of getting to know each other. The key to this working though is communication. If I shut down or he does, nothing gets solved.

acj

May 12, 2004
12:08 am
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natty
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AJC my bf is a police officer as well, and they crack jokes about death all the time or they would go insane. However - the joking is usually done with one another, and not to people who have just lost somebody to death. You did the right thing by telling him that was a disgusting thing to say, and you were right to demand an apology.
Good luck I really hope things work out for you.

May 12, 2004
2:30 am
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You know, my boyfriend is a police officer too. (We haven't seen each other or talked in over a month....I'm trying to convince myself that he is my ex-boyfriend.) Anyway, I have often wondered if it's the "policeman" in them that makes them so emotionally unavailable. I have never in my life been with someone like him....self-centered, unaffectionate, hard to get close to, etc. After reading all these threads and then to find out that "acj" and "natty" are both experiencing relationship problems and their boyfriends are police officers just hit home to me.

acj--I know you haven't dated him for very long....just be careful and look for all the red flags that go up. I saw them, but pushed them under the rug. Now I'm whining and pining over a guy that told me he just couldn't show me any affection...he doesn't have it in him and he said he never will. You sound like a very smart woman (and most of us are) but we think with our heart and not our head and that gets us in trouble. Stay strong and keep your head on straight while you go through this. I am a believer in "if it's meant to be, then it will happen".

Trish

May 12, 2004
1:06 pm
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acj
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Thanks natty and Trish for the encouragement and support. Although he is very sweet to me, there are those moments when he just wants to push everyone away. And I can completely relate...

Well, we talked some yesterday afternoon and again this morning. I asked him what he was scared of and what has been bothering him. He told me that I was too good for him and that I deserved someone that could make me happy all of the time. He told me that he loved me but that I deserved so much more.

I thought at first that this was a cop-out. But as we talked, I realized that he was serious. And he mentioned that he'd been feeling depressed these last few days. I know he has some self-esteem issues: failed marriage, previous financial difficulty, etc. He said that he was tired of fighting with me and of conflict. I told him that that was a normal part of life, that we just needed to work on how we handled it.

I was going to just let him be and let him end it like that, but something in me said that he really didn't want it to be over. That he was really reaching out to me for help... I paused in talking with him to see if he would cut the conversation short and try to get off but he kept talking. I found out so much more about him just by shutting up... 🙂 I found out that he really believes I'm too good for him and he's afraid of losing me because of his stupidity. (his words)

Well, needless to say, we are going to slow down. I have school 4 nights a week anyways starting next week and he takes classes online. I think he knew that I wouldn't have as much time for him starting next week and this is his way of dealing with the "seperation" anxiety. He said he'd give "us" some space, not a mile but a few inches. He doesn't want to stop being boyfriend/girlfriend but quality over quantity as far as our time together... Which sounds great to me! 🙂

acj

May 12, 2004
4:04 pm
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Hi acj,

I have been following your whole story since you met this guy.Your first thread about him was 'lOVE AT FIRST SIGHT'.Now i feel like sharing my views too.

My dad has been a police officer for almost 40 years now.And yes ,there are alot of times when he wants to push everyone away.But we understand him and give him his space.There are so many things in their jobs that they cannot share with their spouse or family.Its confidential.Their job sometimes bring a lot of stress in their lives and alot of them doesn't like to say or talk about it.Normally my dad after a very tough day,he will come back home ,take his armchair on the terrace,told us he needs to relax and be quiet.He will sit there for hours with his eyes close.Sometimes they just need this.

I think you should take it slowly and let him sort himself out.Maybe his concerned more about the kids.You and him you are adults and see things in a different perspectives,but for the children its another matter.But it's a good start if at least you have start to talk to them on the phone.

Marriage:I don't see anything wrong about him talking marriage to you just after two months and half of being together.He is just mentioning it to you,but not imposing or setting any dates.At least you know his intentions (whether its good or bad) and you have all the time to reflect about that.It doesn't mean you have to say yes or get married tomorrow.My husband proposed to me just after one month of being together,and we married seven months later.

I really don't know how long someone should take to get to know someone else.Because it took me five years to get to know that my ex did not want commitment,children etc.At least if he was mentioning that at the very begining of the relationship,i would have known what to do.

Acj,I know how you really want this relationship to work out for you.Just figure out which is the best way for you to approach it.I wish you all the best and i'll think of you.

Love Toutou.

May 14, 2004
10:21 am
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acj
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Thanks Toutou--

He's been quite distant since he came back from his visit home last weekend. He has even made some strange comments.

We had a long talk Wednesday night at his house. We sat and cried. We got romantic and afterwards, we were smiling and laughing. Then he says, "If we ever break up, will you still have sex with me?" and he acts like he's joking. Of course, I say no. He then says, "Ah come on, you're supposed to say, yes, it's so good."

What does this mean? His roommate has a weird marriage. They both mess around on each other whenever they feel like it. I'm wondering if his roommate is pressuring him to "have his cake and eat it too"...

He was online yesterday afternoon for 30 minutes before he IMed me. I had emailed him a long "love" letter so I just figured he was reading it. He then IMed me with "hi" I said hi. He asked how I was doing. I said great and you... Then he just logged off. No Bye, no gotta go. Nothing. So, I wrote back and said well, I guess you logged off. Have a great night. Love you. He wrote back at 12:30 last night and said Love you! (Responding to my previous note). He knew I got home from class at 10 but he was out until that late!! Now, I know they have Coast Guard parties at the apartment complex where he currently lives. He invited me to go one night about a month ago, then changed his mind at the last minute saying that they get too wild and that he doesn't like to go to them.

He was just complaining to me a few days ago that he wasn't getting enough sleep!! And he's staying out until 12:30???????

I just don't understand. I'm wondering if he's wanting to look "cool" and not "whipped" so he's seeing less of me. We were seeing each other almost everyday until just before last weekend. No, I can barely get a phone call out of him and that whole logging off thing without saying goodbye was very disrespectful.

Also, maybe he thinks he has me now and doesn't have to try or has lost respect for me? I just can't imagine what is going through his mind because he's not telling me anything. I'm being completely upfront with him but he's hiding something and I don't know what to ask to get him to just spill his guts. I wonder if he even realizes how close he is to losing me.

I just don't know.... I'm about ready to just call it quits and tell him to kiss my behind. I just want to know!!! Is it really so difficult for guys to just be honest??

acj

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