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Looking for Loving Life!
May 19, 2007
11:50 pm
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ggfred4
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Missing you lots, what's up???

gg

May 20, 2007
2:40 am
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lovinglife
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Hi GG~ Thanks for the ‘whats up.’ I had thought about posting tonight (got thinking about SBD after listening to one of the songs he passed on-going to put an AAC SOS out on him)… your thoughtfulness here is perfect timing. As always lil shit, thanks for thinking of me.

Whats up you ask??? Well that depends on what day it is and then of course what time of day too. Overall life has been very pleasant - I’m enjoying every minute of freedom from my captor.

X is finally out- still have some of his things in the house- which will be cleared out next week when I have a couple of days off.

For the most part however I’m doing wonderful though at times I get a little restless because I’m not drowning in chaos or crisis regarding the X (what I’m used to) but truly, if I have a moment or two of restlessness it’s more so when I don’t hear from NG when I think I should. The weekends he seems to be ‘somewhere’ other than with me. Granted, I worked every weekend- but ever since my long ago stunt of not calling him for 5 days- he hasn’t called me on the weekends ONCE - only during the week. He used to call on the weekends – regardless. That really has to change if he is serious about ‘us’ because it finds me doing things like attempting to contact or contacting Potato Head or flirting with my work crush- hence my relief with the restlessness. Its something I want to bring up to NG but I don’t want to sound manipulative like in… “listen buddy you need to start making the time for me on the weekends BECAUSE while you haven’t done so its found me drifting towards other men…” Now as of Friday morning, things are still going strong/great/awesome with NG and the more that I get to know him the more I’m liking him. Still wouldn’t say I’ve falling in love with him or feel that my world would be crushed if it was to end – but I do really like him.

Other than that lets see here…OH I’ve been working a lot more with and around my work crush - - of for still just a yummy : ) . Would ‘go for it’ in a heart beat if the opportunity presented itself. hehehehe. And the reasons being... for one, there has been no ‘official’ commitment to solely each other between NG and I (other than he says that he only focuses on one relationship interest at a time) AND two I like my WC : ) As far as I’m concerned at this point, I’m a free agent until further notice.

To wrap up the ‘whats up’ with me: Tonight a comment made by one of the kids at work kinda sums up my life during this time… they said to me…“LL every time I see you, you look like your losing weight or something…” Not losing any weight here, I’m just really happy and apparently it’s showing on the outside what I'm feeling on the inside. Amazing what a smile on ones face can do for ya!!

Today I feel so free, so happy, guess I could say content-peaceful - only wished I had ‘one’ special person to share my life with. Not sure what role NG is playing in my life or really what we are doing is called- hey maybe this is what just‘dating’ looks like…not a 24/7 type of thing as well as not an intense dysfunctional relationship. Its definitely different- we enjoy each others company and at times talk about the future (being together long term-him more so than me). Trying to remain patient and steadfast that my HP has the same wish for myself.

Now whats been up with you sis??

May 20, 2007
2:55 am
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ggfred4
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Having one of those nights, sis...slept 2 hours and woke to a nightmare...ugh...

Hey, remember what you said, you are a free agent...Like my youngest said when I questioned her for checking out a guy when she has a boyfriend...She said, "Mom, I have not made a commitment to anyone, not engaged, so I can be a player!" She cracks me up.

Honk, if you are still up. It would be 2:55 your time.

Lil shit

May 20, 2007
8:08 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Lovinglife...

Oh Lord how I miss you. I am glad to hear that things are looking up for you. I have thought about you often and hope that things continue to go well.

Please keep us updated on how things are going.

I love you and I miss you hon.

Love Mandy...

(((LL)))

And good to see you gg...

(((gg)))...love to you as well.

May 20, 2007
11:52 am
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lovinglife
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Good Morning girls...

GG I crashed out last night right after I posted ~ would loved to have chit-chatted with you : ( One thing that has changed greatly for me is I'm now sleeping at night for the most part w/o a problem. Its only every once in awhile I get insomnia and that’s usually when I'm really, really restless. It’s sure nice to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep for hrs at a time...would have to say that has been one of the greatest changes for me - getting my sleep.

My morning stressor of today is waiting to hear from NG. Late last night I left him a message letting him know I'd loved to hear from him this weekend. I also left a message late Friday evening. (First time I’ve done that-called him on the weekend). Need to remind myself that NG did call early Friday night as he said he was going to, but I wasn’t home. Now my goal this morning is to not get myself too worked up over this as he needs to first know how I’m feeling: Would love to, yet it’s almost a ‘need to’, hear from him on the weekends, a least once. I sure don’t want to blast him with a …. “Why the hell don’t you call me on the weekends?!!” Now if I don’t hear from him today and don’t work myself through it, its gonna upset me and start the ole’ co-dependent mind going with negative thoughts all around- and that is somewhere I don’t want to go. Growth here…first need to let someone know of my needs or desires before I can start getting all crazy!! Another area I’ve been doing great in and can feel a lot of growth. Now to put it to a real test. I have to express want I need from NG to NG. Scary. It's either that or I continue on with letting myself feel as if I'm not 'committed' to NG aka being a player (!). And if NG is for real, me talking/flirting with other men it would hurt him.

GG~ yesterday I was thinking about how at one time I asked you to pray for me regarding me meeting a nice guy…do you remember that?? Well have to say that NG has been someone’s answering to a prayer. Other than me not expressing to him how I feel when I don’t hear from him when I NEED to, everything else has been too perfect. I’ll let you know how my morning stressor pans out.

Hope you have a wonderful Sunday afternoon sis. Love ya. And love your twin as well : ) ((((GG)))) & (((((Michigan)))))

May 20, 2007
8:34 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi, LL!

Good to hear from you! Living on some anticipation mode, I guess? Not a bad stressor, though, could lbe much worse, right? Just dating seems to be the best way to go at this point. You can continue letting him know how you care for him while you work on true feelings for him. Why not ask him, hey, why don´t call me on weekends, IF he really doesn´t, or didn´t? Now, the first w/e free you have, you called him, let´s see what he says about not calling back.

That long ago time you didn´t call him seems like something you´re holding on to. It could be good to find out whether its kinda a deal with him, too. It seems to me, that if we need some hard facts to live, people should, I mean, we should at least try to get them out of people. At least, I hope people would help me to do that. Well, good dating!!!

Im also restless. Now mornings are better, nights worse. I go to bed thinking about the time I lost sleeping.

Mitzie is dusting the house and just a tad from taking over the household. Today I ate walking b/c she was smelling my pizza. I thought pet food should be 100% satisfying (for cats).

My students are a lot of pleasure. Ive even thought of making a party for them at my house... as soon as M´s dust settles! Im gonna teach a 7-y-o girl very bright and as spunky as M and I :O

Stopped with analysis type therapy 2X a wk and went for a warm blooded psychologist 2x a month. So, all in all, some of the best times ever, except for the neck/back pain. Still to do something about it.

I have a thread called the eye of the storm if you wanna come by anad say hi!! Anytime! Hugs,

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