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Looking for a therapist - Shaney
January 15, 2007
10:07 pm
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Shaney
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I haven't been to counseling for over 10 years, but I'm feeling the overwhelming need to go. I told my h and he laughed... only because he thought I was joking. But I'm really really not kidding. I'm going to crack. I feel it. My mom, my h, work... it's all getting to me now. I've had everything in order and under control for a long time - at least it felt that way... but I need a subjective party to give it to me straight and to help me to mentally, emotionally, and VERBALLY be able to confront some issues and some PEOPLE in my life. I'm starting to look tomorrow... wish me luck. :o)

January 15, 2007
10:27 pm
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Good luck, Shaney!

I hope you will find a good one; do you have any word-of-mouth recommendations to start your search with?

A good counsellor is worth her/his weight in the precious substance of your choice... as you know from before. Good for you for deciding what you need and going after it!

I look forward to hearing how things go.

hugs, kroika

January 15, 2007
10:37 pm
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cpt1212
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good for you shaney, for recognizing the need and taking the steps to care for yourself. good luck in your search.

January 15, 2007
10:38 pm
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Shaney
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Yes, I actually do have a few references. A friend of mine, when I mentioned therapy, said, "Oh crap, I need to go again too, so we'll go together to my old therapist and pick her brain." She's a kick, so I'm sure we'll find a good one.

Anyway, thanks for the good wishes, kroiks. I always let loose with about ten years of tears on my first day, so I'm sure I'll have a lot to talk about. :o)

January 15, 2007
10:39 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there cpt - nice to see you :o). I'm all out of gas and definitely need to refuel. Therapy will help I think. Thanks -

January 15, 2007
10:42 pm
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Anonymous
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Shaney, I think that is a great move! I must confess that I've only been to a counselor/therapist once in my life. And that was over 15 years ago when my exh and I were having problems. I got SO much out of those sessions, that I've often thought I should go back. In fact, you may have just inspired me!

It's a great thing to get a professional perspective at times. I'm glad you are doing what is best for you!

Love, Plz~

January 15, 2007
10:50 pm
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bevdee
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Hi Shaney,

I admire your decision to start therapy again. I have been thinking about it, too. For the last couple of weeks.

For the last week, I have been pondering shades of grey, and I have been feeling really overwhelmed.

So- thanks for your post and good luck in your search.

Bevdee

January 15, 2007
10:58 pm
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cpt1212
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to every one here considering it i say GO! take time to shop around,

as kroika said, "A good counsellor is worth her/his weight in the precious substance of your choice"

and i think the lyrics to this song sum it up pretty well for me in a funny, witty, but oh so true way . . .

What Do You Hear in These Sounds Lyrics:
Words and music by dar williams

I don’t go to therapy to find out if I’m a freak
I go and I find the one and only answer every week
And it’s just me and all the memories to follow
Down any course that fits within a fifty minute hour
And we fathom all the mysteries, explicit and inherent
When I hit a rut, she says to try the other parent
And she’s so kind, I think she wants to tell me something,
But she knows that it’s much better if I get it for myself...
And she says

Oooooooh,aaaaaaah, what do you hear in these sounds?
And... oooooooh,aaaaaaah
What do you hear in these sounds? ? ? ? ?

I say I hear a doubt, with the voice of true believing
And the promises to stay, and the footsteps that are leaving
And she says "oh", I say "what? "...she says "exactly",
I say"what, you think I’m angry
Does that mean you think I’m angry? "
She says "look, you come here every week
With jigsaw pieces of your past
Its all on little soundbytes and voices out of photographs
And that’s all yours, that’s the guide, that’s the map
So tell me, where does the arrow point to?
Who invented roses? "
And.......

Oooooooh,aaaaaaah
What do you hear in these sounds?
And...oooooooh,aaaaaaah
What do you hear in these sounds? ? ? ? ?

And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think
That it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink
But oh how I loved everybody else
When I finally got to talk so much about myself............

And I wake up and I ask myself what state I’m in
And I say well I’m lucky, cause I am like east berlin
I had this wall and what I knew of the free world
Was that I could see their fireworks
And I could hear their radio
And I thought that if we met, I would only start confessing
And they’d know that I was scared
They’d would know that I was guessing
But the wall came down and there they stood before me
With their stumbling and their mumbling
And their calling out just like me...and...

Oooooooh,aaaaaaah, the stories that nobody hears...and...

Oooooooh,aaaaaaah, and I collect these sounds in my ears...and

Oooooooh,aaaaaaah, that’s what I hear in these sounds...and...

Oooooooh,aaaaaaah, that’s what I hear in these......
That’s what I hear in these souu ouuun nnnds!

January 16, 2007
12:20 am
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Shaney
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I love all of you for the support... and the inspiring song. Yes, I think I'm due for a tune-up. I'm feeling very angry, resentful at times, and extremely overwhelmed. I usually have things in pretty good perspective, but recently, just can't seem to feel that things are okay. And as a very, controlled, organized person, who isn't brought to tears easily... I've been crying on my way home from work (where no one can see me or ask me what's wrong) on a regular basis. Weird... and NOT good. So, therapy, here I come for some relief and some direction.

Thanks for all of the suppport... you're all reconfirming my choice to go, and I appreciate it so much.

Love you all - Shaney

January 16, 2007
12:28 am
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thetbeav
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I set up an appointment and have decent insurance. I found out today that it was going to be $150 per session WITH my insurnace! Is this a normal per session fee? I really want to see a therapist just to help me clear my thoughts sometimes. BUt geez I feel like I would have serious problems if I spent $150 per week on counseling!

Any help?

January 16, 2007
12:35 am
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Hi Shaney,

My therapist is such a comfort and help to me. She is also a realist. I hope you find one that offers you a level of care and professionalism that brings you peace of mind and support. Sometimes we need someone outside our lives to hear us like no one we know can.

Keep us updated.

Good luck in your search, and be well.
-ella

January 16, 2007
1:25 am
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turnabout
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Wow, Shaney, you've brought up the word 'control' twice!

Could it be that the stress isn't coming from losing a grip on your sense of control and organization, but in trying to hold onto it?

Have fun with therapy! I just love self-discovery, even the uncomfortable parts.

January 16, 2007
2:42 am
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bonita1
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thetbeav,

Did you check to see if your therapist is on your provider list? That is a bit steep for counseling. I have Blue Cross HMO and only pay $10 for co-pay.

Shop around. Pick someone on your network of providers.

~~bonita

Shaneylicious!

You go girl! Proactive instead of reactive!

((((((shaney))))))

January 16, 2007
2:52 am
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(((Shaney)))....

about this unaccustomed crying that seems "weird" to you.... any chance at all that you might be pregnant??

just wondering

kroiks

January 16, 2007
3:03 am
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Shaney,

The desire to seek help with one's mental health and relationship issues is a sign of mental health.

Best I can tell, crying is also often a good sign.

IMO it is a good idea to: Cry, cry, cry. Especially in the presence of people who love you. I think it is extra helpful to journal in such times. Dear diary, at 10:30 I heard the song ____ and I started to cry.

Tears are precious and they deserve remembrance.

Other thing: Crying makes lots of people uncomfortable, and crying doesn't mesh with certain other activities--like landing an airplane.

Cry when you are in a situation where it doesn't cost you badly-like, don't do it while driving a car, especially at an intersection--it makes it hard to see.

January 16, 2007
3:09 am
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Shaney,

Next the therapist thing.

I think it is important to choose therapists carefully.

My quickest advice: If you want to do real work, Make sure that you engage a therapist who:

Has a professional license.

Belongs and subscribes to the ethical and professional standards of a professional organization.

After that, there is lots and lots of wiggle room for finding a therapist who is a right fit for you.

January 16, 2007
6:44 am
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CAMER
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Shaney, good luck with finding a good therapist, and yes, therapy is good, i too "used" to go to one for almost 2 years (about 4 years ago) and you learn alot about yourself.

Search carefully, usually the 1st session (consultation) is free, and you can decide if you like the therapist or not. Ask alot of questions and feel comfy with the person who is going to help you.

You are doing the right thing!!! and good luck!!!

January 16, 2007
10:52 am
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Hi Shane,

So glad to see you. I haven't stopped going to counseling since the end of ex-ex 22 months ago. It's been so helpful in my growth and healing. I can't imagine where I would be without it. At times I have felt that I've depended on it too much, but I realize now that I was intensely grieving the loss of the two relationships (ex-ex Pat, and Dr. B).

I go now about once a month, sometimes more if I get stuck on something and need guidance or support.

And the crying (worried dad is so hilarious) is a healthy sign that you are connected/in touch with your feelings and emotions. It's normal and healthy and we cry for a reason...it's a release and an expression of what's going on inside.

The first counselor I found was helpful but weird...I changed after about 8 months and found a wonderful, energetic and very DIRECT woman who has helped me tremendously.

Good luck sweetheart.

2b

January 16, 2007
1:09 pm
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Shaney
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Hi thetbeav - I've paid anywhere from $75 to $125 and that was without insurance 10 years ago. I have no idea what they charge now... and I have pretty crappy insurance, so I'm not even sure that would help me. I figure that I may not be able to afford to go, but at this point I can't afford NOT to.

Hey ella - I'm all for the realist type of therapist. My old therapist was very straight forward, which I appreciated. Thanks. (Change those locks, girlfriend)

traco - losing control of my emotions, is what I was referring to in this case. There's nothing that is really DIFFERENT in my life right now, I've just been reacting differently to situations and people. I don't want all of the responsibility that I have had for years with my mom, my crappy job, etc. I want to learn to confront the people in my life who I have let take advantage of me, and change my course. It's the emotions from the fear of doing that, that is making my emotions out of control these days. I want my mom to take care of herself, emotionally and finacially, because she's perfectly able. I want to work for a company that appreciates and rewards my hard work. My company hasn't done that for years but I've put off getting a new job until now. We sold out house again, and will be moving within 30 days. So a lot is changing and I'm emotional about it. My home life, my family life, and my work life are all in transition at the SAME TIME... and so I'm reacting to all of it.

hey there fajita :o)

WD - you got a laugh out of me, for sure. Thanks. Crying is good, especially when I'm not driving - very true :o). As far as crying in front of people... the people that really need to know that I'm upset are the ones that are about a half a step away from a mental breakdown as it is. This is my biggest problem - finding a way to shake them off without pushing them over the edge, so I can finally have some sanity. I'm hoping a therapist will give me a little direction in that area.

I've already looked into a therapy group who have all the credentials you mentioned. I'm just looking for a therapist within the group that suits me. Thank you for the advice - it's much appreciated.

Thanks Camer - you're always here for me with some kind words - thanks so much. :o)

Now Miss 2B - the one who suggested the book that has recently forced me to take a long hard look at my life and my reactions to it ..... THE BOOK is the reason for all of this :o). Thank you, my friend, for steering me in a direction that forced me to see what I've been missing for years! This isn't easy right now, but I'm confident that my life will get easier soon. Therapy, here I come. Thanks again 2b.

January 16, 2007
1:26 pm
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Shaney
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Kroika... pregnant? Probably not... I'm about as regular as vanilla ice cream. That would actually be one more reason for me to go to therapy, if in fact I WAS :o) ha!

January 16, 2007
1:40 pm
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turnabout
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I still say 'control' is a key word here. Emotions follow thought and behavior, like a formula. And even if you get to the point where emotions lead your choices instead of following them (and I've been there), everyone starts out with their behavior leading their emotions. (At least with competant adults. Can't say I would apply this "formula" to the truly helpless and innocent, such as abused children. That's my official disclaimer. lol)

Sounds like you are becoming aware maybe of just how little control you've had over your own life (letting people take advantage of you and such) all the time you've been trying to keep things "under control" for the sake of others. And seeing this, your emotions are following.

And I can't help but tie this back to some revelations which came out back when we discussed "approachability". I know it's all tied together.

Such a wonderful mystery life is to solve.

January 16, 2007
1:42 pm
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hey Shaney,

Just thought I'd ask. I figured you were OK with "normal" crying, but it just sounded like there was an extra emotional intensity going on that seemed weird to you because you couldn't identify any particular reason for it.

I remember visiting with my niece just before she found out she was pregnant the first time, and she was just not her usual self.

Good luck in all cases :o)

January 17, 2007
5:27 pm
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Bonita and Shaney, Thanks for the input on the counselors. This was a counselor that I found on my insurance list. That's why I was a bit discouraged. urg...I was really looking forward to having someone to vent to and be open about things are going on.

I've gotta tell ya though...even just venting here and talking about things that are upsetting has really helped me. It just feels good to get stuff off your chest sometimes. I appreciate everyone that's commented or helped me in any way. Thanks guys!

January 17, 2007
5:37 pm
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(((((Shaney))))),

I think it's a great idea for you to see a therapist. I'm certain M only laughed because in his mind...you have it all together and he doesn't understand why you would need or want therapy.

I agree with WD that seeking therapy is a sign of good mental health. Strangely enough, it seems mostly healthy people seek therapy, while the truely sick ones don't. Why you ask...because really mentally unhealthy people don't know that they are mentally unhealthy. Make sense? My therapist once told me that most people who seek therapy have already done the work and are mainly looking for validation. I think very often, that is exactly the case.

My thoughts are with you and as always....I'm here to support you every step of the way.

Love,
Lolli

January 18, 2007
3:25 pm
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bevdee
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Shaney- I just wanted to pop in and tell you to have a great day. I am thinking of you and sending my positive thoughts -
Bevdee

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