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Lonely friday night
November 4, 2006
9:19 pm
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blyxx
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not alone.. heh... ok.

November 4, 2006
11:35 pm
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sdesigns
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blyxx:

If someone were to see you walking down the street, what would they see?

Someone who looked confident, approachable, with a pleasant look on their face?

Or would they see someone with stooped shoulders, perhaps an angry, sullen look on their face?

So the question is- what sort of image do you think you are projecting? If you saw yourself in public somewhere, would you be interested in perhaps approaching that person and maybe getting to know them? Would they pique your interest? Who would you like to attract as friends and what are you willing to do to start that?

Seems like on here, people are willing to talk to you and you seem to blow them off. Do you maybe do that in real life?

SD

November 4, 2006
11:48 pm
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blyxx
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No, i don't do that in real life, and I don't mean to do that here...

In real life it's the opposite, people stop talking to me, cancel plans, etc...

I just don't see how anyone can say I'm not alone. I feel alone, and I'm not with anybody...

Lately I have been walking around with my arms crossed and it's been bothering me because I never do that. I am usually so open and cheerful, but not lately. This breakup has really struck me deep. It set me back 6 months of progress on everything.

November 5, 2006
4:27 am
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Soulsister
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Hey Blyxx,

Are you still up?? I just want to remind you..that things did change. Several times..in fact. Do you remember how upset you were after you went on the date with J....and things didn't work out? Then you started seeing C for a while..and found out she wasn't the one. Then you met S....and She got in your heart..I know she did..and I'm so sorry she hurt you. But, I want you to remember how many thing have changed in the past 6 months. They will change again. They always do. Whether we like it or not. Please don't let S..take away all the progress you have made. It wasn't all because you met her..it was before her. So, please..stop..and remind yourself..what a great, intelligent, handsome, loving, person you are!!! With or without S!! You deserve someone who appreciates all to these wonderful things about you. I care about you..I wish I could give you a hug...Love Soul

November 5, 2006
11:40 am
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blyxx
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i dont feel good.

i swear each day gets worse and worse. and it usually is the other way.

how am i supposed to be happy when i am completely take off guard by the break up?

SS, you know how I hate not knowing answers to things. This is one thing I can't even fathom. I have no idea what the hell happened.

November 5, 2006
4:44 pm
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Soulsister
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Blyxx, Yes..not really knowing why..makes it very hard to get over..or move on. You could ask her?? FLat out! Tell her you need to know WHY?? If she cares about you at all..she will try to explain. Even if she is not sure why..and that could be a possiblity..being that she is SO young..maybe she doesn't even understand why she broke up with you. SHoot, look how much older I am then her..and I still have no clue why I do some of the things I do. We don't always know the answers..unfortunately.

((BLYXX)) Love always...Soul

November 5, 2006
10:18 pm
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blyxx
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i'm not going to ask her because i've got better opportunities coming my way. in the past two days i've met.. 4 girls who sound interested in me. All are at least 19 years old and some are a bit older. A bit more of a head on their shoulders than S. Which is wonderful.

Either way, they sound like sweeties and they are wanting long term relationships, and that's what I want too. Not that it will happen, but they want it. I'm happy.

They all seem to like how I'm not really wanting to just 'get with' them for a friends with benefits type of deal. I want us to be friends and then move on from there, they all like that, and I think it says something about how I really do want a longterm relationship. I should've never expected anything to actually last with S. It would be ridiculous for me to ask so much of her. (I keep typing out her name, and having to go back and delete it and just put the letter, not used to talking on here with you SS.)

November 7, 2006
1:41 am
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Soulsister
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Blyxx...how are you doing today? Thinking about you..S

November 7, 2006
1:56 am
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blyxx
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i'm ok today... cell phone bill is $400... heh....

that sucks..

i still owe my sister some back rent, but i think it will be taken care of by... thanksgiving??

November 7, 2006
12:57 pm
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Soulsister
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OMG...that's a lot of money! Why so much..texts?? Or just talking a lot to S? Are you making more money at your new job? You don't work at the old job anymore..at all..right? lol..20 questions here... 🙂 ...Soul

November 8, 2006
1:24 am
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blyxx
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Ya, i'm making good money at the job. They've given me some free things too, which is nice. (New monitor, thumb drive, etc..) not that you care or see a purpose for those. I do. haha

not working at the other job, but may be getting a second part-time job soon to make up the difference in being single. I might meet some people working at a retail store. Who knows. I dont know the policy of giving people my phone number while on the clock. :-p

November 8, 2006
1:27 am
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blyxx
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another day, not looking at her profile... it's so hard. 🙁

my stomach hurts less though by not reading strange things on her profile and wondering. so that's good. my imagination is dark though, so that's NOT good.

November 8, 2006
10:30 am
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Soulsister
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Blyxx,

I'm very proud of you. I know how hard this is for you. I think it will definately be easier for you..if you stay away. Don't read her page. The farther and farther away you get..the easier.

You know how I felt about Mr 22. The more time that goes by...the easier it is. If and when I've seen him..or when the calls started...it brought it all up again. All of the feelings. I noticed the last time I saw him..they weren't as strong..and they went away a lot quicker. I think my feelings toward him..are changing to some anger..or hate. I don't know if that's good, but it's making it easier to move on.

So, time honey..just give it time..and staying away..it will help!! 🙂 Love ya...Soul

November 8, 2006
9:02 pm
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blyxx
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One of my ex's from a few years ago, before Jordan even... basically told me she'd break up with her boyfriend of a couple years to be with me. We were together almost 3 months, lol. so... i'm not sure what to do and i just told her that i thought her friend was cute.

it's almost like those relationships people have where they are so comfortable around eachother that you can say whatever and not worry about hurting their feelings because they know you better. it's kinda like that, but i know i can't deal with her because she lies way too much about all sorts of stupid stuff. she's faithful, but she lies about things. so i guess that offer is still in the air or something. who knows.

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