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Lonely friday night
November 3, 2006
10:08 pm
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blyxx
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I'm hoping to not make it a lonely saturday and sunday night as well...

I moved and know zero people, the neighbors come home from work and lock themselves inside. I've tried meetin some people in my area on myspace, and have talked to a few of them, but so far only one of them sounds like she is interested in being friends with me, the others seem to just talk to me out of courtesy.

I feel so alone tonight.

November 3, 2006
10:20 pm
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indya
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Hey Blyxx - you're not alone. I'm here at home on a Friday night too. My man has gone out and me and my son are in. So hit me back if you want to chat.

November 3, 2006
10:49 pm
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blyxx
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I'm at my apartment with my sister, one of her boy toys (so they aren't to be bothered) and my sister's baby... not exactly company.

i'm newly single, in a new town so unlike home... i just turned 20, did nothing on my birthday, have no new friends yet, etc.. i'm lonely tonight.

November 3, 2006
11:30 pm
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chelonia mydas
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blyxx,

I'm home alone tonight too. I separated from my h about a month ago. I have moved around a lot and can totally sympathize with what it is like to be in a new town and know no one. I usually meet people through my volunteer work.

I have to get ready to teach a workshop tomorrow- but will be checking in again later if you want to post back and forth a bit...

What kinds of things do you like to do?
I love animals and have a bunch of pets.
I like nature- I watch wildlife all the time and have a butterfly garden at my home. I live in a subtropical climate so can grow things year round.
I enjoy reading books and listening to music. A book that I have read fairly recently and really enjoyed is called the Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. It is a fiction about a family who goes to do minstery work in Africa during colonial times.

November 3, 2006
11:52 pm
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veggiemom
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blyxx..Friday nights are the worst. I'm right there with you. It must be hard to move to a new town and not know anyone at all. I've never done that. On the other hand, it might be kind of nice to start from scratch....anyway, chelonia's suggestions are good ones. Also do you work or go to school? Maybe you could meet some new friends that way?

chelonia..I love that book!! It is one of my all-time favorites!! How far into it are you? It just gets better and better don't you agree?

November 3, 2006
11:57 pm
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chelonia mydas
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yes, I finished it a few months ago- but really enjoyed it. I usually take forever to finish a book that thick- but I got through it really quickly. I agree it does get better and better as you read on. Great story with meaning. I like Kingsolver's other books too.

November 4, 2006
12:53 am
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chelonia mydas
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well guys I gotta go to bed. I have an early morning and and all day workshop for a bunch of teachers. It should be fun- but draining, so I need to get to sleep.

Goodnight

November 4, 2006
12:53 am
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blyxx
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I work full-time currently and will be doing school come spring.. I was making friends at work with the other "new guys" that got hired when i did... then today we were talking about school, and then when i told them the classes i took (AP Calculus, AP Physics, etc..) they started teasing me and joking about how they'd beat up "nerds" and then throughout the day they'd "joke" some more with me... Maybe I'm overreacting, but it still hurt when I still have so many open wounds.

I went out tonight, just to a few different stores, by the movie theater.. I saw people my age and I about died from something that felt like an anxiety attack. I couldn't even move, and I felt so retarded, I just kept going. Then I went into Barnes and Noble, looked at a few technical books for computers and electronics and software programming and again, I felt like a nerd and these girls that were a bit younger seemed to be looking at me, and it made me so self-conscience. They were speaking japanese (or some variant) and sometimes whispering, but they were there with a group of guys too and I don't think they were really looking at me, except maybe saying, "Look at the nerd."

I went through highschool being rather popular, people would call me a nerd in highschool but then they'd invite me out to the movies. Here, it's not so much a good thing as rather an insult. I'm not really a nerd, I don't wear those funky glasses, I don't have a pocket protector, etc.. I currently hate my haircut because it looks like a bowl cut. AhhH!!!

November 4, 2006
1:20 am
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blyxx
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I've discovered my solution... for the night.

sleeping pills.

November 4, 2006
1:30 am
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doubleloss
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hi all. i just came back from a movie with a friend, we were supposed to go to eat but she was feeling sick. so, friday night and i'm home alone.

i was thinking to go dancing, just accross the street! but i'm not feeling all that peppy nor healthy so i shoul djust stay put. but who knows, i might just go...what to do, what to do.

November 4, 2006
10:42 am
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readyforachange
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blyxx...honey, it's just a phase in your life. You are young, and there will be plenty of exciting and fun filled nights. Take this time to do something special for yourself. Read a good book, learn to cook, sew, take a bubble bath, give yourself a manicure, volunteer, join a gym...you'll meet people. Just give it time. In the meantime, fill the time with things you love or have always wanted to try. Hang in there. And please be careful of using sleeping pills...

November 4, 2006
11:18 am
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loverbee
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Hi blyxx. Myspace is not the most reliable way to meet people but maybe I can help. If you go to google, and you type in craigslist and then the name of your city, there is a section on craigslist that says classes. they have a list of different recreational activities that are being offered in your area. I am in the same situation as you and I am still young but really this may be helpful so keep your chin up. and also maybe google to see if there are any yoga places or book clubs in your area. good luck

November 4, 2006
1:27 pm
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blyxx
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Saturday hasn't been any better yet...

November 4, 2006
1:33 pm
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loverbee
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blyxx, I do hope you take some of the suggestions I put up. I know how horrible it can be to feel lonely. Chin up.

November 4, 2006
4:29 pm
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blyxx
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i dont see a reason to have a chin up... i'm sorry.

November 4, 2006
4:52 pm
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loverbee
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Oh I know. But check out what is in your area through craigslist or other resources there is always something to do. Check out if there are any yoga places near you or something. what do you like to do?

November 4, 2006
4:54 pm
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jastypes
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I'm not alone, but am lonely. Right now I'm in the house with my husband, 2 of 4 kids, 3 dogs and 5 cats (if you've been counting, you'll notice we just added 1). I'm about to start my typing work. Dinner's in the oven cooking. We all co-exist in the house, hardly communicating at all. :::sigh:::

November 4, 2006
7:30 pm
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blyxx
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a few highschool friends live down by me now, so they made offers to hang out sometime.. we'll find out if they are empty like usual though.

i found some things on that craigslist, but it's so disorganized it's hard to... i dont know the area around here, so i dont know which area i should be looking in. i chose LA, but i dont know which part of LA... heh. maybe i'm not supposed to have fun.

November 4, 2006
7:52 pm
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blyxx
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should i tell my ex how i feel, one last time? in hopes that maybe she'll stay with me? or... i dont know....

November 4, 2006
8:18 pm
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sdesigns
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blyxx Buddy!

Whats up with you? It sounds to me like you're still depressed. I remember talking to you around Feb or March about the same stuff. Have you tried any meds for depression or seen a therapist? I did that a couple of times and it really imroved my outlook.

I don't think going back to the ex is a good idea. They are ex's for a reason- why go down that road again?

You are so much more mature than people your age- I hate to see you feel judged by them. You are at such a dif level than they are. I wish you could meet some people who are more like you. Don't change yourself- just look for those who are more your equal.

SD

November 4, 2006
8:22 pm
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sdesigns
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Another thing.

There's a free site called Plenty of Fish- its basically a dating date but can also be used to find people for "friends, hang out, activity partner", etc, besides dating if thats not what you're looking for. Maybe you could find some new friends that way.

Just a thought....

SD

November 4, 2006
8:34 pm
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blyxx
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ya, i'd like to meet them too..

and i wasn't depressed until last week or so.. i hate birthdays. i hate them.

i've again removed love from my vocabulary, it's the stupidest fucking thing in the world. good idea, but there is nothing good that ever came from that four letter word.

one of my friends i said have a goodnight to said, "thanks love" and i got pissed at her and told her to not say that word to me.

i feel like i am falling apart fast here... taking leaps and bounds backwards.....

November 4, 2006
8:45 pm
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elizabeth anne
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blyxx

Oh blyxx you sound so depressed and angry... I know how hard it must be to make a life changing event that you did... But you did it for a reason... You took a stand to do what was best for you... YOU DID IT... and once you are there for awhile, I really think things will be better...Some people would never have the courage to do what you did...You have strength and are an insperation in your convictions of what you felt right to do... Hugs...

November 4, 2006
8:48 pm
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blyxx
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what did i do exactly?

i moved out of the house to an apartment with my sister. big woop..

and i got broken up with and haven't killed myself yet. yay for me.

and i yelled at someone for saying the word, "love" to me. great.

i'm sorry but i dont see how i'm an inspiration except for someone who has already cut their wrists or swallowed the sleeping pills.

November 4, 2006
8:48 pm
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sdesigns
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Well, that word can be thrown around and it often isn't used to love, sometimes is USED to hurt. Its a scary word, a word that is hard to trust. I know, I know, I know.

I hate birthdays too- so for the last 4 years I have left town- take myself on a trip, and to he** w/ everybody else. I have learned I am the only one who can make myself happy- and to expect or want someone else to do it- just about ALWAYS leaves me disappointed, hurt, depressed. If we can't take care ourselves emotionally, who's going to? But of course, that reveals my trust issues, doesn't it?

This year I only received one bday card- from a neighbor- not even anything from my family. But- did I care- well just a little but I took myself to Hawaii, and too bad for them. My bf at the time said he would call me- he didn't. I went out w/ someone there- didn't tell him it was my bday- so not so special. No celebration or acknowledgement- except by me- I drove up to the north shore, tried a new snorkelling spot, and just sat on the beach for awhile knowing I wasn't sharing a special day w/ anyone but I was treating myself as well as I knew how. And I was happy all by myself. Totally alone.

I know I am probably not helping you- just trying to keep you company- and let you know you're not alone.

Still talking w/ Soul?

SD

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