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Loneliness is eating me alive
September 7, 2001
9:39 pm
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LilyBart
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I just do not know what to do anymore. I have a small circle of friends, none of whom I feel I can open up to anymore. I don't feel close enough to any of my colleagues to talk to them. I feel that I have to keep a "wall" between myself and those around me. I feel isolated, trapped, caged with my emotions and fears in a small dark place. It has been this ever since I can remember. I haven't had a best friend, I've had no one to share my inner most thoughts, fears, and feelings. I guess that I'm looking for an e-mail pal, someone willing to listen to me.
Can anyone help?

September 7, 2001
11:40 pm
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pill
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yes...

The first step is to open a little. What's bothering you? What do you need to share? email: [email protected]

September 8, 2001
12:48 am
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damaged
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Hey Lily I don't know what kind of people you like to chit chat with but here is my e-mail address if you want to chat. Yes I like to listen becaues I learn from listening to other people. Seven months ago I couldn't say that but today I can. Be glad to hear from you. [email protected]

September 8, 2001
5:17 pm
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ron
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There's a bunch of us here everyday - give us a try. We're all good listeners, and every once in a while we come up with something helpful !

Start by telling us one thing on your mind and see how is goes. OK?

September 8, 2001
5:19 pm
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ron
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There was supposed to be a (grin) at the end of the previous post but it didn't go through. I want my money back!!

September 8, 2001
9:11 pm
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scorned
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I am also a caged in woman. I have four children and stay home all day. My only friends are online and my best friend lives so far away the only way I talk to her is online. Believe me, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! Sometimes I feel like people my age shrug me off because I am a mother and they aren't even married yet! Who knows? Just rememebr that you are not alone.

September 8, 2001
11:17 pm
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venus
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Dear Lilybart,

Loneliness is something that we create and indulge ourselves in. No one can force loneliness on u.U have been feeling isolated and caged all this while, don't u think that maybe u don't understand yourself yet? Maybe you haven't spend time discovering yourself and your likes and dislikes. Try understanding yourself and then others may be able to understand u too.Loneliness is just a temporary situation...indulge yourself in things u like to do and others will follow suit. Trust me.

September 9, 2001
4:57 pm
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scorned
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I have tried to get out of my surroundings to make a better me. Money is tight and we cannot afford a sitter, so I cannot go back to school to get my degree.I am stuck without a job, so I have no control. How do I escape this situation? My husband knew when we married that I wanted to finish college and get a good job, but it has always been me who has sacrificed to make his career goals come true so things will get better for us. Sure, they have. We have a bit more money now, but not enough for me to go to work and pay for a sitter too. I would pay more for childcare than I would make. School costs money. Pell grants and scholarships do help, but I cannot get any assistance with childcare.

True, loneliness is not forced on me, but life sure as hell made it harder. My friends stopped talking to me when I got pregnant. They don't have kids and I didn't fit in. My family have families of their own so we don't really hang out. I don't know anyone my age who has kids that I can hang out with, and I have no way of getting out without taking them all with me because my husband is "too tired" to watch them for me to get out. I have no privacy, no quiet time, no way to relax.

September 10, 2001
1:49 pm
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Molly
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there are many schools that provide day care, or child care while you are in school, there are also programs for education that will provide money for the child care. Explore the possibilities, there are also internet courses that you can take through most of the educational systems.
There is more going on with you than just lonliness, and excuse me, hubby to tired to watch the kids, sounds like you need to have a real conversation with hubby, no disrespect intended.

What about the mommy and me classes, great way to get out, and meet moms, as well as do good for you and children. You are giving up to easy, fight fight fight.
Get some distractions going on, start a garden, look at opportunities with the local Girls and Boys clubs, or YMCA, where there is a will there is a way, its just hard some times. The truth is change is up to you to effect, and if you keep on the same old way, it will never change.

September 10, 2001
2:21 pm
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pg lova
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LilyBart,

As a firm believer in God, I would like to encourage you that as long as there is a loving heavenly father watching over us, we are never alone. Let's try and figure out what it is that's causing you to feel you have to keep a barrier between yourself and your friends. Is it that someone or something has hurt you and you feel that nothing can help?
When you get this message, e-mailme at [email protected], so we can talk. If you want, I'll be your e-mail buddy.

God Bless,
PG Lova

September 15, 2001
6:38 pm
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child
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Dear, LilyBart,
Looks like you got some friends on line. I wouldn't mind some either......I 'm new to this discussion board, I'd appreciate some company.
I felt like you these past two months.
If you want you can E-mail me at

September 21, 2001
1:10 pm
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pam g fu
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September 21, 2001
6:03 pm
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pam g fu
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We all have been in your situation, and yes we learn from listening.

Have a good weekend

September 22, 2001
11:39 am
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cerry
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Lilybart,

No disrespect of any kind but did you say when you first got married your husband knew you wanted to go back to school? I admit working all day can be tiresome but what about you? Think about it, your husband works and so do you, (you take care of the children). Maybe you should have a talk with your hubby and explain that you are not happy with the situation. Both of you agreed to marriage but it doesn't seem fair that you have to watch them all the time. Could he not watch the children in the evening when he gets home and you go out to work maybe a (part-time or casual relief position)?

He probably is tired when he gets home but what about you? Taking care of those children is tiresome aswell. It might be tiring for you to watch the kids all day and then go to work but even still it is a change and gets you out in the world and breath abit.

It doesn't last forever, enjoy your children now as they grow so fast. Be happy as a starter and do something even when you are home.

When I walked out of the hospital with my first born the doctor said to me," welcome to your new life". I wondered what he meant at the time but now I do. It does change a persons life having children. We don't get the freedom to do what we want. Sometimes we don't even have enough time to go to the washroom without one of those little angels banging on the door.

In time though, your children will get older and before you know it they are making their own decisions.

My mother, a mother of seven use to say, when the children are small, it is a physical strain and as they get older it is a mental strain....especially when they are teenagers and waiting for them to come home from a friends.

Hang in there, and as I mentioned earlier, talk with your husband and discuss ways of helping each other. Isn't that part of what marriage is about....working together
Take care
Cerry

September 24, 2001
10:30 am
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smurfmac
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September 29, 2001
6:44 pm
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all phase
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LilyBart,
I am new to this web site and I thank you being brave enough to even express the fact that loneliness can even eat a person alive... you know as adults we are supose to have all the answers or at least be smart enough to work through things. But somewhere on our personal journey in life we have been betrayed or maybe just misunderstood. before we know it we choose to isolate ourselves from who we thought were our friends or even our loved ones.
I am (wanting)to learn not to expose myself to pleasing everyone else at the cost of my own feelings. I want to focus on how I feel about situations before I commite to doing somethingor going somewhere that really deep down in doesn't even interest me. Take charge of your life and be committed to it on a daily basis. e-mail me if you need one more friend. address: [email protected]

September 29, 2001
9:16 pm
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shades
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I sometimes feel the same way if you ever need someone to talk to email me at [email protected],,,,I love to chat....and listen I will be your friend.

September 30, 2001
5:48 am
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laalaa
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Hi LilyBart,

I'm new to this site so don't worry if I sound weird!!
I'm 26 and living in England with 2 children.My son is 3yrs and my daughter 1 yr and my partner (their dad) works away in Scotland.Its very hard for us as my son has A.D.H.D so looking after him is very difficult. Anyway I feel like u do sometimes as I withdraw into myself and run away if someone pushes me in a corner. I have always been the same.I am also very moody which makes things hard 4 people around me.I usually feel as though the grass is greener on the other side,but I am slowly learning that more often that not it isn't!! Out of interest what star sign r u ? No I'm not a freak, its that I'm a Pisces and often feel my moods r down to the motion of the sea which is meant to rule me. You seem a very special person who has a lot going on under the surface so let it start to rise. Imagine a river with mud,sticks and stones clogging it up and then imagine your problems.Slowly as time goes by the river starts to flow,the mud washes away and the stones settle on the bottom.This could be what could happen inside your head if u slowly start to to let it all flow through.U seem to have struck a cord with people visiting the site.U r special cos u r u,no one can give what u do because there is only one of u.
U are LilyBart,a gift.x x

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