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Lolli, how are you?
July 17, 2005
11:23 am
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exoticflower
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Hi! I've been wondering about you...I hope all is going well, it seems like you where having some romantic issues last time we talked...I hope it all resolved itself. How are things?

Hugs, ef

July 17, 2005
2:19 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi exotic,

Thank you for asking. I've been around but haven't posted too much. Things are going the same for me. Good for two weeks then the inevitable fight. We are not getting along at the moment. Things were going ok for the past two weeks then last night he started another fight. It is so amazing to me that he works on this two week cycle. I mean you could actually set your watch to it. If I was the gambling kind of gal, I actually take bets on it.

At the moment I am so frustrated I want to gouge his eyes out. Trying to have a mature conversation with this man or coming to any kind of resolution is a seemingly imposible task. He is fishing at the moment and said he would talk about it when he gets home and then hung up on me. Needless to say.....no, we will not be having a conversation when he gets home. I tried to talk to him about it and as far as I am concerned we will have a conversation if and when I decide I will have a conversation with him, not the other way around.

I know this is taking the easy way out but I truely wish he would just break up with me and move away. I don't know why I just can't bring myself to do it. Right now, I am so angry and frustrated and I want to tell him to screw and never look back but I know that by tomorrow I'll want to give it another chance.

I just want to scream!!!!!!

Soooo, how are you?

Lolli

July 17, 2005
2:36 pm
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exoticflower
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LOL, well, I've been having some problems too, but not THOSE ones! Angel posted a great thread on how to respond to verbal abuse that you may like...

As for me, I've been having that lightbulb' moment, I've been calling it a 'click' though I think they are they mean the same thing. I guess you can only hurt so much before you say 'hey, I'm not getting anywhere', or in the case of me 'hey, it's ALWAYS been this way' and deciding it has to stop somewhere. He's calling today to talk with his daughter, the one year old who can't speak, but I will not speak to him even to answer the phone. Aside from the e-mail regarding the call (five words, pretty much), there has been no contact for about a week.

I'm glad to hear that you are just feeling private, I have a close friend in recovery who swears that any time we don't see her around she's probablly re-lapsing, and to not worry about immediately assuming so, but I certainly didn't want to pass that truth about her onto others I know in recovery!

Sounds like you are holding your own, but please, DON'T goug his eyes out!

July 17, 2005
2:59 pm
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lollipop3
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Exotic,

C'mon.....just one eye? LOL

I did read Angel's thread and actually experienced every single thing that she posted between last night and today. I glad to say that for the most part I responded the way that her posts suggests so I guess we can call that progress. Especially the part when she describes how when they try to evade the question, to not engage and just keep repeating the question over and over until you get a respose. Well I did do that but unfortunately still did not get an answer....as a matter of fact, that's when he hung up on me! Although I didn't get an actualy answer, it did show that it is an effective tactic. At the very least, I didn't allow him to change the subject, talk circles, etc.

On a different note, I got a phone call from my ex's mother this morning. Apparently, he is in jail and my dogs (that he still has) were brought to the pound. He wanted her to let me know so I didn't hear it from someone else. I feel so bad for them. They are very old at this point and kind of mean (especially one of them) and probably won't be able to be adopted out. It breaks my heart but my hands are tied. I have no room for them and don't know anyone that can take them. I wish so bad that I could take them.

Anyway, it's been a very sad and frustrating day to say the least.

Lolli

July 17, 2005
3:12 pm
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exoticflower
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Maybe you can get them from the pound and bring them to pet refuge or some such organization that gives them more of a chance?

July 17, 2005
3:26 pm
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lollipop3
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I think that would be possible if one of them was not mean. The male has been a problem child since he was a puppy and he will bite. The female has been with him for almost 12 years. Even when we would take him to the vet, she would just pace back and forth and cry until he came back. I think at this point she would just die without him.

My ex is hoping to get out of jail (as opposed to hoping he stays in? lol)...and he wants to get them back but he may not get out in time. I have a friend who used to take care of them for us when we would go away, and I've left messages for him to call me. It is a long shot but he really loved them and they loved him, so I'm hoping maybe he could find it in his heart to take them, but that is a lot to ask of anyone so I wouldn't blame him if he says no.

I just hate to think of them trapped in a cage at this point in their lives. They've always had a very large yard and lots of freedom and it just breaks my heart that they won't be comfortable around people that love them in their last days.

Okay....now I've gone and made myself cry. Good work lolli.

Lolli

July 17, 2005
3:28 pm
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exoticflower
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OH, hon, don't cry. I know something will work out.

July 17, 2005
3:29 pm
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lollipop3
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Exotic,

And you know what......that arrogant b/f of mine said!!!??!! When I told him, no, we will not have this conversation when you get home....he said...."you wanna bet" and I said you shouldn't be so arrogant and he said "It's not arrogance...it's confidence".

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT! The balls on this man!

Pride alone dictates that no conversation will take place.

Lolli

July 17, 2005
3:30 pm
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lollipop3
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Sorry EF....I know I'm all over the place here....please bear with me.

Lolli

July 17, 2005
3:55 pm
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exoticflower
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LOL, Lolli, I get it completely. My ex just called to speak with my daughter an hour ago and I put the phone right to her ear so as not to hear his voice and such...She is a year, and he really popped up out of the blue asking to talk to her, she can't talk. So, she was fussing and whining and REALLY wanted off of the phone. I was really just doing this to be fair, I am under no obligation to do anything for him, but want my daughter to see me making an effort and him too. But anyway, I called inot the phone kindly that I didn't think she woould do it much more, just to let him know to wrap it up, encouraging her to say 'bye-bye'. Then a minut later said 'ok, sorry, she's not doing it', with every intenetionto e-mail him when she was less cranky and it may be a better time. Then, as he knows I will have no direct contact with him, I'm jsut not ready, I hung up.

He calls back talking to me like a teacher to the class dunce, like some sort of authority figure "I want to say good-bye to her". So, I put the phone back and he said whatever, and I hung up--He can bet his ass I'm not going to stick my hand over that flame again, no more favors! Of all the ungrateful JERKS, who the hell does he think he is? This was just a whim for him, my daughter didn't want to do it 9she's just a year old, and didn't understand why mommy made her do what she didn't want to). I was really trying to be fair, but pride dictates that I will not be treated that way! For that matter, I am so po'd...this is his DAUGHTER, he was furthering her discomfort to satisfy his ego as 'man of the house' even after he decided on his own that roll wasn't for him as early as my pregnancy!

Maybe, just maybe, we can EACH gouge just one itsy little eyeball? If we promise to leave the other one attached?

July 17, 2005
3:57 pm
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exoticflower
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It was the way he said it by the way, like an order--he barked it at me as though I was doing him some horrible injustice.

July 17, 2005
4:22 pm
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lollipop3
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UUUHHHHGGGGG!!!!! They make me just want to scream.

I just cannot understand how these people think and where they get off acting the way they do.

As far as my b/f being "confident" is concerned....I say hogwash! If he were half as confident as he claims to be we wouldn't have half as many problems as we have. Nice try though. Perhaps his "confidence" comes from the fact that I have ALLOWED him to behave this way. But let me clue ya mister....when the day comes that I've had enough....we'll see where your confidence is.....just ask some of my ex's that were "confident" that I'd always be there to take their sh$#!

Lolli

July 17, 2005
4:28 pm
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exoticflower
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Also, I think having cofidence is like having a good sex life--if you really have it you are satisfied on your own to know it, without having to vocalize and afirm it!~

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