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Logic v. Hormones
July 3, 2016
1:29 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
July 3, 2016
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Firstly, I'd like to greet everyone, as this is my first post here. My name is Logan and I'm a 16-year-old guy from Ohio. That said, please excuse me if I violate any rules or it's overwhelmingly obvious that I'm new here. So, as we move on to my issues that I desperately seek advice for, I'd like to provide a bit of backstory:

Starting from the beginning: I don't do relationships—at all. As I've said, I'm 16 and I haven't dated once. Of course, I've "talked" to people, but never have I been in a relationship. I wish to make myself 100% known that I do not want to date anyone; if I'm completely honest, I'm deathly afraid it will divert my focus from my education and career; take away my interests, growth and development, and my beliefs; and just waste too much of my time and thoughts on something petty and ephemeral when I could be focused on bigger problems and interests. Thus being said, things will now start to become problematic.

A few years ago, I realized that I had a crush on my friend that will not be named (We'll call him Jack). As of today, I've known, and been friends with, Jack for nearly 7 years. Needless to say, we have spent an enormous amount of time with one another and were very close for years. About three years ago, Jack and I began to drift apart for other reasons which I won't go into. We dropped contact and communication for about more than a year-and-a-half, and in that time, my feelings for him kept stirring up, so when we started talking again, I had to tell him; it had been eating me up to not say so. Now, yes, I sound like a hypocrite for my not wanting to get in a relationship but telling this guy I liked him—hey, I'm human. If I'm being honest, I was kind of, foolishly, hopeful that he at least "swung that way," 'cause he's a fairly "touchy" guy and isn't afraid to pick me up "wedding-style" randomly or change in front of me—even to this day, after I've told him how I felt! He let me down gently, which I appreciated, and said he was flattered but just wasn't attracted to guys, but he accepts me all the same. I was disappointed and kind of sad, naturally, but I didn't, nor do I, hold anything against him for it or resent him; he can't like me back and that's that. Thus, a little over a year passes by, he gets a girlfriend on the 4th of July, I turn down one-sided crushes because I don't want a relationship, all is fairly normal, and we reach today.

He and I just hungout today with a mutual friend. Everything was great as we all saw a movie and got some dessert afterwards. Well, when we arrived home, we were all talking in my driveway with my parents, and our friend (a girl) went off to speak with my mom and sister for a minute, so it was just him and me standing there next to each other as my dad went off to get something in the garage. Standing next to him, my heart was pounding and I felt the blood rushing to my, for lack of a better euphemism, "junk." I just wanted to take his hands, lean up, and kiss him. Recollecting it now, it's crippling to know how weak and controlled I was by this kid.

When he drove home and I dropped our friend off at her house, I came home from a night of joy to a night of frustration and sadness, as this has happened before, where I've kicked myself for feeling for him again and not properly moving on like I should.

Finally, I present to you, my main problem: The conflict between the logical conclusion that relationships, for me, are distracting, fruitless, and hindering to progress and growth, and the damned teenage hormones that cloud my mind with thoughts of a guy that will never like me back, and if not thoughts of him, thoughts of, of course, sex (with both males and females), relationships, etc. (It doesn't help that the media likes to inject the concept of relationships and sex being these ultimate priorities and treasures in life, almost everything is ridiculously couple-oriented, and everyone makes being single sound like a bad thing). If these thoughts don't cloud my mind and judgement and prevent me from pursuing my interests of politics, history, the German language, and physics, which require focus and effort, then the conflict itself will leave me completely stuck on this absurd problem and how to solve it.

Now, my second problem: What the hell do I do about Jack? As I've said before, I know I can't have him. It's that simple, and I know this truth; yet, hormones tell me otherwise and push my heart to ache for him. Jack is my best guy friend—always has been since I met him. I'm afraid that every time I hangout with him, I'm gonna feel this pain and heartache, which I've never felt for anyone else but him, as he's the only one I've ever experienced romantic attraction for (Any other guys and girls were sexual). So do I just abandon him easily like I do with people that like me? (I know that's not healthy, but, truthfully, I believe I'm saving them a lot of frustration and confusion) Do I tough it out, hoping it'll just go away one day?

I'm afraid these problems are going to keep taking up my mental effort and space, when I'd much rather focus on so much more—subjects that I know are important, like school and planning my future, and I know are my interests and passions but things that have become second-priority because my hormones want to run rampant. Hell, I can't even play games or watch movies, TV, or read a book with a couple in it or I start to fantasize.

Advice? Please?

July 7, 2016
1:05 am
Forum Posts: 572
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Logan,

First of all welcome to AAC! Well, your story is quite interesting since you're still a teenager and it's amazing you that can cite differences between logic and hormones. Well, my advice for you is embrace the fact that you are a human and a teen most of all. Meaning, you have feelings and emotions and that is very normal. Sometimes you get infatuated to same sex or get attracted to the opposite so what's wrong? If you can feel it then go for it, don't deprive yourself because it will just make you sick. Time will make you realize that you need someone to be with. It may not today or tomorrow but in the future, you'll have that level of maturity that you are ready for a relationship. Dating someone while studying at the same time won't make you less a person. Remember, experience is still the best teacher and there's nothing wrong if you try.

July 23, 2016
4:29 pm
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

you should write again and give all of your story to the member of this forum called Sketchie. Sketchie can answer all and everyone's answers perfectly and is the most amazing person alive.

July 31, 2016
2:40 pm
Forum Posts: 300
Member Since:
February 14, 2015
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Consider telling Jack the truth about how you feel about him.Kiss.

You can say anything about me, but I am who I am & that’s something you could never be.
My name is what hoes tend to mention, keep talking bitches, I love the attention. →

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