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lluvia-i think im calling cps...im beyond scared...PLEASE HELP
March 5, 2009
10:56 pm
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Lluvia
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so that day.
my mom took me to eat my "last meal" with my dad.

and then she started showing me this video of this stupid lady who my dad kinda had an affair with in mexico and i didnt want to but she kept saying look look that's her that's the tramp that's why ive been like this and stuff.

she wouldnt let me go and i was so frustrated and i left.

i just took off.

she couldnt go searching for me cuz she had to go pick up my brothers

my brothers know now and they are furious since my parents kept everything secret

my brothers say for sure when they move out they will take me and try to get legal guardianship of me and my brother since they know how my parents really are...

everythings getting worse. but i know once i hit rock bottom there's not much further down i can go so the only way i can go in the future is up.

March 6, 2009
12:35 am
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chelonia mydas
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((((Lluvia))))

Thanks for posting tonight. Keep taking it one day at a time. You will get through this storm in your life.

Sending you hugs

March 7, 2009
8:41 pm
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truthBtold
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Lluvia,

So what is happening with you and the psychiatrist and cps and your school counselor?

Your mom showing you this stuff - what's up with that?

She obvioulsy does not have your best interest at heart.....at all.

Otherwise - what is the point in showing your 16 year old daughter all of this crap?

It is simply uncalled for - to say the least.

See - that's the thing about all of this family crap that is finally brought into light.

All of a sudden - they try to shift the importance from you (which is where it should be) onto themsleves and their hard struggles.

What should you care and more importantly - why is she making this known to you about all of this.

That's HER deal.

Really and truly - it is not your place to even know anything about all of this.

Really.

What should you care - really?

These are HER adult issues that she ought to treat in an adult matter and not have you involved in the least.

This crap - really - is just none of your business - but she is obvioulsy trying to make it the business of her innocent 16 year old daughter.

PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Give me a break already!!!!!!!!

So again, I ask you - what's up with the school counselor, cps and the T?

Do you feel believed and supported?

March 9, 2009
10:53 pm
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Lluvia
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i havent talked to the school counselor since that day. she hasnt tried reaching me.

was i supposed to meet my social worker?

ive never met her (when my mom was talking to me i heard her say she)

cps hasnt tried to contact me at school at home nothing.

isnt that sad.

i hurt myself, i am not ok, and when i finally scream for help...im put in the corner...

i dont feel supported at all.
believed? im not sure i guess yes.

March 11, 2009
2:44 pm
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truthBtold
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Lluvia,

You are damned right it is sad!!!!

I hate to hear that you are hurting yourself, though I do understand why.

It seems so natural to hurt ourselves, to turn that rage inward, but there ARE other options.

Maybe you might want to consider contacting your school counselor yourself, to get an update?

You just have to be vigilent in this right now.

I know I give you alot of links, but I just ran across this one this morning (in english and spanish) which might could help.

It is the Women's Justice Center in Santa Rosa, CA. The link is under: "What's New" and has a heading for: "Improving Services and Outreach to The Latino Community."

http://www.justicewomen.com/wh.....index.html

If you feel as if you are not getting the support you DESERVE from cps and your counselor, than there are other avenues out there for you.

Advocacy groups like this one here and other links I have mentioned in past posts understand what is happening to you and are completely in your corner!!!!!

(That's why they are advocacy groups!)

Maybe you can give one or more of them a call next time you feel like you want to hurt yourself....OK?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE ON THIS!!!!!!!!

Keep plugging Lluvia.

You are doing great already!

March 12, 2009
12:26 am
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Lluvia
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cps closed my case.

today during class the cop came into class and took me out to speak to me.

apparantly a detective requested to speak to me. it was up to me whether or not i speak to him.

(they didnt know the details) the cop said that he doesnt know details but apparantly its a situation that cps got contacted and got involved but they closed my case because my parents said it happened about 10 years ago and they wouldnt cooperate

but a detective wanted to look into it himself.

the cop asked why did i say anything if i didnt want to talk to the detective then why did i speak?

i said because i wanted help coping and dealing with it.

he said that even if i do not talk to him but talk to someone else by law they have to so im going to be dealing with this situation over and over again...

is there some kind of what's it called statitory of limitations or something.

idk why cps closed my case but the cop said those 2 reason apparantly the detective said that.

(sigh)

idk what to do.

the cop even said that im 16 and shouldnt be dealing with stuff like this but eventually im going to have to

....
im not sure when my brother will move out but i think maybe in the summer or winter or idk.
i will be 17 in august....it will be my senior year...i am in the top 10% in my class even though my grades slipped steeply cuz im unfocused with my home situation...

i know most people think im a drama queen. but as a teen i dont have much to deal with like kids, bills, job, i have school and home. my grades have dropped steeply (i litterally went from #1 in my math class to the very last one yes i checked and i seriously am in the bottom and that math class is not easy well for me it is PRECAL) and i slipped out of the top like 3% to a little below top 5% but above 10%. (i have always been at the top of my class but the other nerds dont understand that unlike them i have other stuff to deal with) and my home life isnt good. so basically thats why i feel my life is spiralling out of control...

the few friends i have dont understand (dont know well some do but some info i never say everything) most people around here dont understand or how to deal with the situation.

i cant call everytime i try i choke.

(sigh)....
spring break is next week. i need a week off but dont want to be home.

March 12, 2009
2:12 am
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mamacinnamon
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Lluvia:

I skimmed thru your story. I am so very sorry this has all happened to you.

If you have questions you would like to ask about the law or social services I will try to help you w/ them. I can see why they closed your case based on what your parents said, but to have not talked to you is just not right.

I can look to see what the statute of limitations is in your state, but I think way more than just a few months.

You hold your head up and keep talking here. NOBODY here is gonna be angry w/ you or think you are a baby. Sometimes bad things happen to good folks. Idk why, but they do and sometimes best we can do is work thru them, but NEVER keep them inside honey. In the long run it will only make you very ill and could cause permanent damage or illness. I speak from experience on this one.

((((lluvia)))))

March 12, 2009
6:20 am
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sunshine88
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hi lluvia, i remember well your story. i wish i have some wise things to tell you like the others, but i give you hugs (((lluvia))) and be sure that you have friends here who are watching out for you. keep posting, and stay strong...

March 12, 2009
8:03 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Lluvia,

I'm sorry they dropped your case. But you still deserve help and can get it.

Here is another link I found

http://www.taasa.org/

They could help you with finding the counseling you deserve.

Keep doing your best, thats all you can ever expect of yourself.

March 16, 2009
11:06 am
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Lluvia
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my mom is crazy. bipolar yes i know that but there is something wrong. she seriously is crazy. most of the time i can stand her but i dont like to make contact with her so i avoid it cuz idk what mood she would be in.
she hasnt done anything crazy lately so that worries me cuz she's keeping it in and i know sooner or later she will take out her anger at me again.

after visiting my brothers grave i came home full of anger. this visit was different from any other. i usually go and talk to him about what i wonder what it would be like if he was here and he'd protect me and all. and im happy when i talk to him (not about the graveyard part) but cuz i feel like he's listening. but this time...i didnt look at his tombstone head thing (sorry my mind just went blank right now) and said stuff but ended with "you see me suffering. can you protect me please? can you help me please?"

i dont like to be angry. after some sleep and much thought i felt a lightbulb switch on.

i have kept it to myself. then i cried it out and NOTHING! that's insane as hard as it was to come out and grrr! I cant continue to be dependent. i will not allow ANOTHER person to let me down. i must somehow find independence because physically i face this alone. I am going to WORK my butt off doing this.

if i dont move out then i can graduate! and get far away from here. i have the grades for it (too bad during everything my grades slipped but i can get that top 7% back to 3%) I AM SMART. i am going to work for my freedom, my safety, my life! Texas A&M here i come.

im different from my classmates. i accept that now im no longer going to hide and be ashamed. im different but it is up to me to find the good in that and use it.

friends should be a priority but ive had too many bad friendships who left me for popular kids being friends with girly girls whining that their boobs wont grow in. IM A GAMER! tomboyish and the irony was im the one that got the body in the end (late bloomer but that's kind of a curse too) i shouldnt be ashamed of the way i look cuz I AM KINDA PRETTY hehe tried to make that confident but im not quite there yet

I AM MATURE FOR MY AGE. i had to mature to deal with my childhood and now mature again to deal with this stuff but i can use that to my advantage and focus on my future.

I WILL HAVE A FUTURE. my childhood doesnt make me less of a person and i deserve to live a better adulthood (haha is that a word)

I WILL BE SUCCESFUL. i will make my organization one day to give info about this subject with numbers websites the best books etc. and symptoms how to cope and stuff to mainly teenagers. cuz that's when the sex environment is brought in by society, the future is what we're supposed to be thinking about, we're self searching, etc. so it's overwhelming that and more but im in a hurry.

this will take alot of hard work. so i wont be disappointed if this doesnt happen soon. i will be patient cuz im going to WORK SO HARD FOR THIS. its my only hope.

i must admit i miss going to church and all. at first God was my way out and i was fine the best ive ever been in my life but the Deacon thing broke me down so bad. i will not return until he is gone. but i dont know if i could look at my church the same.

ive been through alot & dammit i deserve better. (i just hope depression doesnt kick in and set me back again) my first goal is to escape this depression ive been slipping into again. i cant change that depression is something ive delt with for so long i cat imagine not having it but im going to try to keep healthy.

(gone a month not hurting myself its awful i feel like a junkee without drugs but i can last longer "sober" hopefully i mean i hate it and i actually seem like a junkee twitch and all but i need to get use to this. every once in awhile i find a way to hurt myself but its kinda subconsciously (i cant spell it is 10 in the morning and i slept around 4)

AAAAAAAAHLKDFJALJFOEIJFAO;WEIFJA;WOFJIFJ!

i will overcome this. i will not let this ruin me. i will not be a pushover. i will not die without living a life worth living for.

=]

but! if i come here moody and gloomy well i need to let that out so i dont keep it in and let it pus.

i dont have REAL friends here that i can go to and stuff. sometimes i wished i had a sister but i dont. so i love you guys so much for having helped me!

((((((all of you))))))

March 16, 2009
2:24 pm
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truthBtold
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Lluvia,

Honey, you just keep that dream of Texas A&M clearly in your sites!!!!

(I mean, cross-hairs and all.)

You CAN DO this!!!!!!! and YOU WILL!!!!!!!

I think that it really SUCKS that cps dismissed your case like that.

What a bunch of crap!!!!!

Your situation kind of reminds me of something I went through when I was in my 20's.

I was in a very abusive relationship and could not get out of it right away......but I had a plan.

I saved up money, lined up a place to go and eventually I had positioned myself to finally leave him once I was finacially independent to do so.

But that meant that I had to placate him in the meanwhile in order to avoid being beat up.

He was a crazy SOB, and that meant that sometimes I just had to lie in order to avoid a conflict and a beating.

Told him that he was right in whatever he said. he couldn't argue or get mad at me for that.

I apologized for shit that I didn't do because I realized that I was dealing with a crazy person and that real logic meant nothiing. So I had to use reverse psychology on his dumb ass!!!!

The only way I was able to do this is because I had my sites set on a particular day and time that I would leave and never look back.

And that day came and I did just that!

Now, I do not advocate you so the same, I am only sharing with you my experience on what I did to finally remove myself from an impossible situation.

Do you feel that you are in harms way right now?

You know, you can go to any gun/police supply store and buy a can of mace/pepper spray to keep on hand for your own personal safety.....and DO try to contact some of the links I have posted....even if there is a lump in your throat at first when you call, that is normal and to be expected given all that you are going through - but you can PRESS through it - if not the first time, then the 2nd and third try......

What ever happened to your school counselor? have you followed up with him/her?

You WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!

(((Lluvia))))

March 18, 2009
4:11 pm
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truthBtold
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Lluvia,

How are you doing today?

I have been thinking about my last post to you and am concerned that maybe what I was saying could be seen as you acting in a way which does not validate your experience and current circumstances.

This was not my intention.

I was only trying to give another option of handling your awful, dire circumstances in worst case scenerio should you not be able to get the help and support you need and deserve RIGHT NOW from either cps, school counselors and others.

I think that your not hurting yourself in a months times is something to be REALLY, REALLY PROUD OF!!!!!

YOU GO LLUVIA!!!!!!!!

((((Please continue to keep up the good work in taking care of you...this WILL NOT last forever!)))))

June 24, 2009
8:08 am
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Lluvia
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reading back on this shows me how much ive grown. ooooh 17 in exactly 2 months so almost go time to leave this place

wow i received soo much great help, advice, wisdom and all. and on the other threads before and after this

you guys were right later i will look ack on it and things wont seem as bad. well i hate my parents far more for everything theyve put me through but i know im capable of having a future when i get out of here.

((((everyone))))

reading back on this gets me teary eyed. but motivates me to not let that REALLY hard time have gone for nothing

THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH

June 24, 2009
10:43 am
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Lanigirl
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Lluvia,

You're so strong. Keep reaching out for help. If a counselor doesn't reach out to you, call them again.

Please continue to give the blame to the people that are responsible = you aren't included here.

June 24, 2009
10:56 am
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Zebra
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Lluvia,

I am proud of you for standing up for YOU. YOU are a strong women and will go far in life. Keep up the good work.

Keep posting here and remember YOU ARE LOVED.

Love, Z

June 24, 2009
1:11 pm
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sunshine88
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yes Lluvia, we love you so so so so much, and i see so much potential in you.... you can be a great in this life, greater than you thought you could be!

BIG HUGS TO YOU! just keep moving forward, honey!

we're here two steps behind ya!

June 24, 2009
4:15 pm
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truthBtold
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Lluvia,

Here is to you and your future (keep your eyes on the prize....:)

Texas A&M all the way!!!!!!

From: http://www.tamu.edu/home/prospectstdts/

Future Students
With more than 120 undergraduate degree programs for students to choose from, Texas A&M University has one of the ten largest student bodies in the nation — and the largest outside a major metropolitan area. Texas A&M offers a comprehensive selection of 240 master's and Ph.D. degree programs and the only Doctor of Veterinary Medicine (DVM) in Texas. Numerous programs have earned top rankings by U.S. News and World Report and other organizations. The university's academic and social support networks are focused on helping students succeed. Texas A&M's ability to produce effective leaders with extraordinary character, integrity, and a "can-do" attitude, truly sets it apart from other universities.

Admissions
Admissions Information
Apply Online Now
Check Status of Application
New Student Conferences
More...
Academics
Faculty Directory
Course Catalogs
Undergraduate Majors & Minors
Graduate Majors & Minors
Computing
Distance Education
Honors Program
Tutoring/Supplemental Instruction
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T-Camp

Lluvia, know what stood out the most for me in reading this? The part about:

Texas A&M's ability to produce effective leaders with extraordinary character, integrity, and a "can-do" attitude, truly sets it apart from other universities.

Lluvia, you already HAVE THAT RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Keep your eyes on the prize!!!!!

Have you contacted anyone there in the admissions office to talk about possible grants/scholarships yet and/or other options?

Might not be a bad idea to do so NOW, you know?

A whole other, wonderful world anxiously awaits you seetheart!!!!!!!

BANK on that one!!!!!!!

June 24, 2009
5:44 pm
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Lanigirl
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Lluvia,

Just for inspiration, there was an article in the paper about a young woman that was just accepted into Harvard. She had to deal with a lot = family is homeless. You can do it!!

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