Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
lluvia-i think im calling cps...im beyond scared...PLEASE HELP
February 27, 2009
12:52 pm
Avatar
Zebra
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LLuvia,

Honey I know it is hard right now, but you must tell the TRUTH AND THE WHOLE TRUTH.

We are hear for you and will support you no matter what.

You can do this. You are worth it.

Love, Z

February 27, 2009
5:24 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lluvia,

You can do this.

I know it will be hard.

But you must remember that none of this is your fault.

Not YOUR shame.

Sure, you want to protect your family, I can understand that.

But the cold hard fact is that this is against the law - period.

And it must all be brought out and exposed for the sake of not only you - but other younger members/potential victims of your family as well.

This will probably be the hardest thing that you will ever do in your life - exposing your truth and letting the chips and jail sentences fall where they may to those that are guilty of a crime.

After that, other 'hard' stuff in life will be like a walk in the park in comparison - you know?

SOMEONE in the family has to break the silence.

For me, it was my older sister.

There really is no other way around it, I am afraid.

Just someone has to step up to the plate and expose all of the secrets.

YOU can do this!!!!!!

Sending you much support, honey.

(Also - as a p.s. - please DO keep that number for the TX advocacy group I spoke about on the split personality thread of 1-800-296-SAFE - just in case you feel a need for a fresh, validating - someone in your corner perspective as a Plan B of sorts should the need arise......)

All of us know how difficult this must be for you and are behind you and in your corner 100%.

Whatever your decisions, please DO continue to post.

We are not here to judge.....

((((Lluvia))))

February 27, 2009
9:08 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My other cousins i dont blame. Their brother publicly did it to me so they figured it was ok and well followed along by using me. I dont blame them. I just hate myself now. when i was younger she used me to try to get my younger cousin to kiss her and stuff. She tried using me as like an example that it was ok. I feel so used. I only blame him for 'starting' this. Lawfully only he and my brother would be able to go to jail but my brother was high and it was only once and he has his fiancee and daughter and he is years sober (smoking drinking and stuff) im stuck in the middle. People tell me dont talk then talk. I tell myself i shouldnt keep suffering for them but i shouldnt make my family suffer for me. AAAAH THIS IS ALOT im 16 i should be worrying about idk graduating um dating um socializing i guess well whatever teens do i guess. My past has shaped me to who i am. I dont waste my time partying and all and im not an idiot. Im wise but aaaah! Most people my age dont have choices like this to make..

March 1, 2009
8:55 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lluvia,

I hear you.

This shouldn't be an either/or type of thing at all.

Rather a 'what actually IS."

You are right sweetheart.

At 16 - you should be more concerned about the plans for your future etc.

Having to deal with all this crap should be the furtherst thing from your mind right now.

In a safe world surrounded by folks who honor and respect you (and honor and respect themselves as well...) - yes indeed, at your age - this would/should just naturally be the course of action/priorites to take.

But sadly honey, right now - it just ain't.

You have had a bull-dozer amount of adult crap - through NO FAULT of your own just dumped into your lap at 16 years old.

A real fricking-fracking heavy load.

You are gonna need a support system right now.

For sure!

How is that school counselor working out?

And your friends?

Do you feel like you have folks in your corner who will help you to navigate through these temporary rough waters?

To support you as you continue to simply speak your truth?????

And you know- that is all that you are doing.....you know?

Just speaking your truth.

No personal vendetta.

Just speaking 'what is!"

Hang in there sweetie.

This WILL NOT last forever......

(((Holding you close to my heart and thoughts and prayers during this difficult phase right now.))))

Just know this: It will NOT ALWAYS BE THIS WAY!!!!!!!

(It really won't - though it may feel like it right now......it really and truly won't - I PROMISE you!!!!!)

You WILL emerge from this.

You really will.

Please keep me in the loop, Lluvia.

You are in my heart.

Sincerely,

Brenda (aka - tBt)

March 1, 2009
9:15 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lluvia,

Just tell the truth. Don't worry about the others. Just tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That's all you have to do.

Let the adults handle the rest. The legal folks will take into consideration your brother's current sobriety and state of mind during the event of abuse. It is not your burden to bear all of this for them.

Your burden is the fact that you were abused, you have been used and now you have the responsibilty to tell the truth. Just tell the truth.

Sending you lots of hugs and support.

March 2, 2009
5:54 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i keep draining my friends. i cant help im serious and look sad all the time. while they are playing laughing enjoying themselves they dont understand i cant

id rather not be a burden to them so i cut off from everyone.

i know why people dont understand me its cuz i wont say anything.

while my mom has been nice we had a conversation. i cant talk. she told me not to talk about the others just him...

March 2, 2009
6:10 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i want ya'll to see what i wrote last night EXACTLY so my grammar and all isnt perfect its because im writing everything word for word.

Stay quiet. for years i kept quiet. never even thinking of speaking. it wasnt that hard i mean i didnt really have any friends. i acted like nothing was wrong. i had no idea how to act. there's this deep sadness inside of me. i have no idea how i held on for so long. behind of every smile was complete sadness, behind every laugh was a cry for help, behind every "im okay" was "im not okay", behind every "im fine" was "im breaking down" behind every "i just want to be alone" was "just hold me" behind my happeness was a dark deep sadness growing, growing, and growing with every was it is an is. this deep sadness has surfaced completely starting to take over by killing the happiness that only existed on the surface. stay quiet. keep talking.............................................................
i dont know what to do! everything is a mess, even bigger than before. the truth, my vomit, is exposed all over, the vomit i held in for so long just splattereed, i puked it, but the truth is, i'm still holding in alot more, this vomit has such a horrible stench, the vomit is me. People see the vomit now so they gather around. Not noticing they are suffocating me. Not knowing what to do with the vomit. Not even i know. How i wished i could take it back. but i cant. Vomit behinds to continue leaking but the more i hold it in the more it builds up. My jaw is hurting. My mind is spinning. The vomit's stench becomes een more unbarable, nausiating, and hard to look at. People just look at the vomit & i. still unsure of what to do. They try to help. but they know not much about what im feeling, how i will recover, or how to deal with the vomit. The vomit causes things to stir...the vomit that changed everything
(next page)
...I never ment for the vomit to come out. im sorry it did. then again i must consider those people who had caused that vomit in the first place. i see they're mad at me. saying the vomit is fake and dont want anything to do with me. im so sorry. they dont see how this vomit had been affecting me. i held it in for so long but my body just collapsed. i wasnt strong enough. I couldn't fake that i was fine anymore. Why cant they see that?
I must admit. The vomit is in both sides. After holding it in, having it grow, grow uglier & just more nausiating and just letting it out felt great. I was able to breathe. for a moment. After all that time holding it in i didn't realize exactly what or how much was in there. The vomit wont stop now. More has come and my jaw is in more pain. Now people know that im sick & they want me to get better. They want me to let all the vomit out. They dont know how much vomit there is or what condition im in. they just stand, circling around me. im suffocating. gagging on the vomit & not getting air since i'm being smothered. this attention is new. i dont know how to react, what to do, im in an even worse position than every. the vomit is still piling up. pushing its way to the surface now surely staining my teeth. i'm trying to hold it in. attempting to swallow it but i continue to gag. the people see and come closer but they are not sure what to do. they cant make me gag, they cant assure me it will be over after this time puking. they pat my back but the vomit gets worse. bigger. my head begins to spin,
(next page)
i begin to lose my balance, not sure what to do i sstep away trying to escape the stench but i slip in the vomit. i got surrounded overwhelmed, i freak out. it's all over me. not only did i smell but it stuck to my clothes so you could see. i cant hide it anymore. so i give in. lay in the vomit surrendering myself my head hurts so bad, i feel so nauscious. it would only get worse if i continue to vomit. it will only get worse either ways i go. and all this because i lost my strength & vomitted......

March 2, 2009
6:11 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

im in a hurry i didnt proof read or finish the rest but i cant show this to anyone else it's in my journal book thing that i draw and write in and ONLY FOR MY EYES but i trust you all.

March 2, 2009
7:47 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((Lluvia)))

I can so relate to what you wrote here....

What a great metaphor!!!

You vomited not out of weakness, but because you are strong. Strong enough to know that you are worth a good life. Strong enough to see past all the vomit they keep shoving down your throat and see that you are a wonderful person who is so much more than a vomit recepticle.

Keep vomiting, let it all out. Yes it stinks, yes no one knows what to do with it, but once it is out, its something that everyone will have to help clean up. This is not your vomit... it is their's. You have been forced to swallow it and hold it inside of you for far too long. If you hold it inside you, then it will continue to rot, peutrify and get worse. Puke it up. Open your mouth and let it all out. It is not your's to keep or hold inside. Let the rightful owners clean up their mess.

After you are all done, you can take a shower, change your clothes and continue on with your life.

If you choose to keep it in, you will face another vomiting episode in the future.

We are here for you. We understand. Many of us have been in similar situations and know from experience that you feel responsible. But in reality you are NOT responsible.

Sending you hugs... I gotta go back to work, but I'll check in on you later.

March 2, 2009
8:15 pm
Avatar
sincere2myself
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Lluvia)))

I totally love the metaphor u used to describe your story. I relate to that very well. I told the whole story when I was ten years old and everyoe wanted me to tell the story again and again. I didn't want to tell the story because it was a sick one and I was a main character.

You should try telling the details of the things that happened a little at a time. Try to remeber as many details as you can...room..furniture...lighting.

I know how hard this is for you, but I want you to keep strong.

Who gets to clean up the mess. It seems that everyone wants to look at the mess, talk about the mess, point at it, ask questions to you and each other.

You have to decide who gets the magnifying glass in order to get a good look at it. It should be the ones that get the mop and rag and help clean it up.

March 3, 2009
6:05 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

spanish?! How am i supposed to even talk in yes my first language but one ive forgotten from not using it much! Im furious! I dont like parents being here with me! I DONT LIKE THAT SHES A FAMILY FRIEND! THIS IS NOT FAIR! MY PARENTS SEEM LIKE THE BEST IN THE WORLD TO THEM (WHERE THEY KNOW EACHOTHER) IM FURIOUS. IM NOT TALKING!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO GRRRRRRRRR my parents are saying they love me and care but they werent like that and they are saying things totally opposite than before totally contradicting themselves like we dont care if you get high grades but before i got in trouble for not having an A! My mom keeps acting the victim saying shes hopes she crashes and dies and stuff MY MOM aLWAYS MAKES HERSELF THE VICTIM aND I cANT BELIEVE IN THIS SITUATION sHE STILL IS! AND sHES THE ONE BEING NICE JUST sO I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT I KNOW IT! I feel worse. I wanna kill myself.

March 3, 2009
8:02 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((Lluvia))))

You can request to meet with the counselor/social worker etc. by your self. Your parents don't need to be there. You can talk in whatever language you are most comfortable with.

Just keep telling the truth. Don't worry about what anyone else says... just continue to tell the truth

Anyone who wants to discover the truth, will see through their lies. But you have to talk, you have to tell them the truth. If they don't hear your voice, they can't help. They can't read your mind. Talk to them in English and let your parents talk in Spanish. But THIS IS ABOUT YOU and YOUR HEALING. So if you want to talk English, talk English.

If this counselor/social worker already knows your parents, then request to have someone else put on the case. You can do that, especially if you say that they would be biased because they already are friends of your parents.

Sending you strength and self worth. You deserve to have the truth exposed. Don't give in to their manipulations and victim roles. You have the power to change this by speaking the truth. The truth is the truth in any language. Just say it, just get the information out there.

March 3, 2009
9:00 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

pack your bags. She told me to pack my bags. She cried how if shes such a bad mother to let them take me and my dads with her and all. for years my mom has played the victim when picking fights. Pack your bags...(in spanish of course) oh she spent the first house talking to the psychiatrist so i didnt talk

March 3, 2009
9:53 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh LLuvia,

This must be so difficult for you.

You really need to call a crisis line, they can help you get local resources that will give you what you need.

It sounds like your mom is very upset and confused and is just reacting. Stay strong. Until you are over 18 it is her responsibility to make sure you are cared for. If she is not meeting that responsibility, then you need to tell someone so you can get the care you need.

Where are you staying tonight? Did she kick you out, or make that mean comment to ask you to pack but not follow through with it? I'd advise you to just hang out in your room for a while and let her calm down a bit.

I'm so sorry you are facing this. But you are resourceful and you will get through this.

We are here to support you and listen.

Sending you hugs and comforting energies to help lessen your pain

March 3, 2009
10:19 pm
Avatar
sincere2myself
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Meha,

I know that this is the hardest thing you have ever dealt with. I can't believe she told youto pack your bags...what set that off?

i want to hold you so bad and take away all the pain from you. Please don't hurt yourself becuase then the bad guy wins.

You are a survivor, you are a truth teller...the truth may hurt but it will set you free.

Others don't like it because it makes them look bad...well too damn bad...

This is your time love.

I am here for you.

(((Lluvia))) Besos.

March 3, 2009
10:56 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh i forgot something. She said tomorrow after school she was giving me over to cps or something. I believe this came from the psychiatrist. My mom cried for that hour and i bet about how shes given her all and im a brat. Im sick i slept a lil took ELA TAKS (english language arts Texas Assesment of Knowledge and Skills) so i sat 6 hours and 38 minutes taking it (skipping lunch so id finish) and i was tired. So i refused to speak cuz i was hours from home (it was in Dallas) and i was tired. In tears she told her 'and she wanted help' grrrr i overheard a bit and it was about legal..blah blah

March 3, 2009
11:53 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Going to CPS might not be that bad of an option actually.

I had a wonderful foster home that helped me heal and grow probably more than anything else in my entire childhood. My foster mom still stays in touch with me. She actually just bought me plane tickets to go see her this summer (and I'm in my 30s now).

The TAKS is enough to make anyone exhausted. Give your self a big hug and congradulations from me for finishing it.

I hope you get some rest tonight. Your immediate future might be difficult for now, but I see great and wonderful things for you in your life in a few years. You have so much character and strength that you will get through this and things will get better.

Hang in there. Take it one day at a time.

March 4, 2009
1:19 am
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

idk what will happen.

today (march 4th) is my brothers birthday so since by the afternoon id be gone and he's coming back in an hour (about 1 am)

idk if my mom is bluffing. she was so serious and she looked fed up (i didnt even do anything though ...ugh psychiatrist)

idk...idk idk!

i should be worrying about normal 16 year old stuff.

March 4, 2009
8:17 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Lluvia)))

I know you life is so full of uncertainty right now. Just keep doing your best.

Please talk to the psychiatrist next time you get a chance. If you don't trust him/her tell them that and tell them why. If needed ask to speak to another psychiatrist and see if you trust that one better.

Your experience needs to be heard by those that can help you.

I didn't have a chance to worry about normal teen stuff when I was a teen either. It made me a lot more responsible at a much earlier age than most other people. But I also have known from early on that I can handle just about anything. And that has helped me as an adult because when others feel that the world is falling apart, I'm taking it one day at a time knowing that I've survived much worse at a much younger age. Yup it might feel like its crumbling under my feet, but I am confident that I will survive anyway. Afterall I did it as a kid, why not now when I have a lot more control over my life and decisions.

You are a strong, intelligent person who will get through this.

Here is a little saying that helped me as a teen...

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.

Patrick Overton

Sending you hugs and lots of love.

March 4, 2009
11:40 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Lluvia)))

March 4, 2009
3:11 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I DONT LIKE PEOPLE MESSING WITH MY FEELINGS!

my mom comes in crying do you really wanna leave me? im thinking what the hell is she doing now cuz she was just happy dandy with my dad and now she flipped. she began crying my life is ruined my life is destroyed please look at my side

im furious she is still only thinking of herself!!!

ive told people my mother is a brat and no one believes me (i dont feel like talking of her characteristic right now)

im beyond furious I HATE PEOPLE MESSING WITH MY FEELINGS IM SO BEYOND FURIOUS

GAGSOIFUIAGV[9O SYIU HTFWARHYN0[-9J.NHY
\ONHY9-=JRRUISFEOHN[0.H.N9M[Y=[90HH'Uoieajf
]';H'jshfj
jpkj'p
\ir0 3lowe]L;HJ
P

AAAAAAAH

March 4, 2009
7:46 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lluvia,

You have every right to feel upset and angry with this. Its good that you are feeling your feelings instead of keeping them inside. Continue to let them out.

Some people don't know how to relate well to others, so they deal with crisis by focusing on themselves.

I'm sorry that you are having to be the adult in this situation, but sometimes life just isn't fair. Continue to do what you have to do in order to take care of yourself. You are worth it.

March 5, 2009
1:11 pm
Avatar
Zebra
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lluvia,

I agree with Cheloniamydas. Some people don't know how to cope with stressful situations, so they do put the focus on them. Your mom is doing just that.

You need to ignore that and focus on you and your healing and talk with the therapist. Openly and freely. Get out those ugly feelings and you will heal in time.

I know it is hard not to worry about your mom, but you can't right now. She is an ADULT and the PARENT...you honey are the child and you should not be concerned about her feelings, only yours.

Keep your work up and it will all work out. I promise you.

Love, Z

March 5, 2009
2:32 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lluvia,

I can not even begin to imagine the hell that you are going through right now!

What an awful place to be at your age!

But you are being a warrior.

Hell - you ARE a warrior already!

I know that this will probably not make very much sense to you right now - but believe me, your holding steadfast to YOUR TRUTH, YOUR CONVICTIONS, hell, even YOUR ANGER will see you through!!!!!

Continuing to Maintain a steadfast "LOYALTY" to yourself FIRST & FOREMOST will serve you well.

It's all a royal mess right now.

But it will not always be this way.

I think that it is really good to know that chelonia has some positive first-hand experience with CPS.

It's not always going to be like this - you have to know this.

The awful hell that you are going through right now WILL eventually end.

You have so much going for you, Lluvia.

You are smart, insightful and downright stubborn....(and I mean that in a good way.....)

You know what time it is already - you are miles ahead of the curve.

Growing up, I was not as strong as you.

Not by a long-shot.

I 'fell into' all of the family 'loyalty' crap and it took me decades to even come to the place at age 48 that you are already at - at age 16!!!!!

By trusting your gut, trusting your 'version' of reality, to be able to actully see the wolk in sheep's clothing - you know?

Hang in there.

I wish that there was something more that I could say or do to help ease your pain and hurt.

Just know that you have a support network here.

A real safety net, even though it has limitations because it is cyber.

There are many folks here (myself included) whom will catch you when you fall.

All that being said, do you trust your psychiatrist? (spelling?)

Do you feel that he/she has your back, and more importantly - BELIEVES YOU and is in your corner?

March 5, 2009
4:36 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
100sp_Permalink sp_Print

....typo - meant to be actually: see the "Wolf (not wolk) in Sheep's Clothing...."

(sorry)

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
29
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111092
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38644
Posts: 714469
Newest Members:
graydor, doctorelvis, lion heart, thomson, BenjaminGresham, answerhope
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information