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LL - Thank-You
October 17, 2006
12:31 am
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armyleo
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Hi LL,

I wanted to thank you for your inspiration with the songs.

I didn't realize it but they are very touching/healing for both the sender and receiver.

I'm sorry if I yelled the other day. Didn't mean to, I'm just very emotional some days.

You were a big help to me a couple of days ago, and I hope you will continue to be in the future.

I didn't understand your comment about "Hot spots??"

ArmyAngel

October 17, 2006
1:26 am
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lovinglife
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Hi AmryAngel~ love that name.

Say I heard you singing somewhere on these threads- it was absolutely beautiful. I find music, singing to be very soothing as well as uplifting. And we need more singers around here- so please keep on when you feel inspired to share.

Hotspots…(probably a better name for them)…ok for me it means things that get me all worked up inside that tells me I need to walk away, calm down before I react or better yet - not react. I’m learning to catch myself- though I don’t always. I fought with it the other day and I lost the battle within : (

One example is *hearing others* talk about spousal abuse in a way that I find offensive. Now when I say *I find offensive*- that is exactly it – it’s only what I find offensive that makes it a hotspot within myself, it doesn’t mean that it’s offensive to others – just to me.

When I was married and deep into my mess there were a few people who would make comments like… “It’s your choice is to stay, if you truly wanted it to stop you would get out…do something about it...” now even writing that out I feel my insides just getting all worked up!! Well it wasn’t my choice as I had very little resources to get out (as well as strength) and when I heard that – it hurt me and it did more damage to my already low self esteem that my abuser was having a field day with. So today if I hear something along those lines – it pisses me off, and my rational thinking goes out the window, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone to say, or something another may need to hear that might do the trick - it’s just not something that sets well within me. I can almost guarantee for the rest of my life if I hear a statement like that, it will make me upset, thus a hotspot for myself, and I need to learn to calm down before I react.

Because I can relate to spousal abuse on a personal level, I tend to be very sensitive and protective of the person in a relationship on the receiving end and extremely insensitive and almost hateful to the abuser, and my nails can come out when I think someone is being insensitive to the whole situation! All of which I am getting better at, but only because I’m healing and learning more about myself.

October 17, 2006
1:36 am
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armyleo
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I'm glad you understand. I feel like sometimes, people just don't understand. Not so much on this site. But I hear alot comments when people talk at work,etc. I want to yell at them and tell them that is not true!

ArmyAngel

October 17, 2006
1:44 am
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lovinglife
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and Army - you may just end up with a few of your own hotspots when this is all over.

Just be aware of them if it happens because when you finally can truly voice yourself and your free - it can come across as pretty explosive! What I said on your thread (which once again I'm truly sorry if I upset you) was completely mild compared to say a few years ago when things were still raw. It didn't do me a bit of good either other than raise my blood pressure : ) and it's kinda of funny when I think about it (always learning here at AAC) but when that happend/happens to me - it's not the person who made the comments I'm attacking - it's really my abuser.

October 17, 2006
8:48 pm
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needtoheal
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oh loving--- i feel the same way as you about those comments... It is a hotspot for me as well... the fact remains that we have been learning more and more... and we do not have to endure the pain... and we can help others to see that we can get a more peaceful life... and be inspirational to others who cannot get out right now..

ArmyAngel... I hope that you are doing well... Trust me, we all have had our share of bad days and we do understand... We are all there for you!! Keeping you close ((ARMYANGEL))...

October 17, 2006
8:53 pm
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needtoheal
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LOving--- Remember about a week ago when I first posted and reached out, I told you that I felt such lonliness and empty when my children are with their dad.. well, that is because i did not get the chance to feel those feelings because i had this now ex-bf as a crutch and he filled the void..
Anyway, I have now spent time alone and I do not feel at all empty or lonely because I can be here with you and others that care and share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.... and give support and help guide... just like you did with me the first time...

So i am not afraid to be alone anymore...

I HAVE THE COURAGE AND DESIRE TO HEAL

October 17, 2006
9:43 pm
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needtoheal
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and not talking to him even for a day has been a blessing... I can feel the strength coming back to me...

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